(Closed) Anxiety over Easter Day “So when are you getting married?” questioning

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If it’s something that you want, I would encourage you to be patient. I never thought it would happen. I waited 6 and a half years, living together for over 3 years. I was to a point where I was thinking that I’d just have to accept dating him the rest of my life or I’d have to leave him, when, all of the sudden he had a ring. I HAD pestered him in the past because I was sick of people asking me. In the last year before we got engaged it had gotten particularly bad.

I’m sorry the family is pressuring you. There is really nothing you can do.

Post # 4
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My Darling Husband and I lived together before getting engaged, but it wasn’t very long. The main questions started to come when we had been engaged for two years and still had no set in stone plans for when we were going to get married (it was a couthouse wedding so there didn’t have to be). I usually just said “we’ll get around to it” or something similar, but I wasn’t in any rush (he was actually much more anxious than I was). I can see how it would be very difficult for you considering you are anxious. I would still be as casual as possible. Something joking and light hearted should divert attention and keep it from turning into a full blown discussion. 

Post # 6
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

Have you had a very honest conversation with your boyfriend? I do not mean this in a snarky way–but there is nothing major like this I can’t discuss with my SO. Maybe he doesn’t know how anxious/concerned you really are.

Post # 7
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Last year in the beginning of February SO and I went into the city with his mother his Aunt and her friends. We went out for drinks had a nice night and the next morning we were all having breakfast getting ready to say goodbye (Aunt and friends live 6 hours north). Well his Aunt (our first meeting was just the night before) blurts out in dead silence “So when are y’all getting married?” I was floored. My jaw dropped I’m sure. We had been dating just over a year and never talked about it besides the beginning of our relationship when we agreed 5-7 years. I just said “Not for another 5 years or so at least” not even thinking. Well the next week on Valentines day my SO tells me that before the trip with his aunt, he had already asked his mom for the family heirloom ring so he could propose to me. So they all knew he was going to propose and that was my answer!!!! Surprised I felt so bad! I must have looked like the biggest bit**!!! Well she couldn’t find the ring and here we are 14 months later and no ring ๐Ÿ™ I kind of hope someone would do it again, as many times as possible without getting annoying, to keep reminding him “Hey wake up, it’s time to get that ring on her finger!”

 

It’s much worse actually I just remembered. first I said “Not for a loong time, not for another 5 or so years” Wow that sounded terrible, it’s right I should be on the waiting boards after that ๐Ÿ™

Post # 8
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

Every holiday, we talk about when my SO and I are getting married. It’s always the same answer coming from my end: “we’ll just have to see when Mr. decides?” followed by my SO laughing/ avoiding the question.

My SO and I have been together for 2 1/2 years (which isn’t too long). I’m 24 and he’s 26, we both have good jobs. We don’t live together because of traditional values, yet we would love to! But we can’t do that until someone gets his act together ๐Ÿ˜‰

I guess, it’ll be another holiday where I roll my eyes and hope…

Post # 10
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you really want to get engaged and buy a house, I think you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend need to have a good, long conversation about seriously doing it. I know that patience can be worth it to a certain degree, but if you feel left out, unloved, unsatisfied, unfulfilled, or any sort of negative feeling towards this issue, it needs to be addressed. If you’re in a relationship, BOTH of you need to be making the decisions. And if you’re on different pages but still want to make it work, compromise. If he wants to wait 2 years and you want to wait 6 months, make it a year, for example (for wedding/house/civil ceremony, whatever).

I know it’s hard not to let other people influence your decisions on timing, but don’t give their opinions too much weight. I’ve found that people are going to be harsh and critical no matter what the circumstance. In your situation, they’re hounding you for an engagement and wedding. But let’s say you guys suddenly got engaged and ran off to Vegas a month later and that was that, then people would probably critisize you for being too “quick” about it. lol.

Just sit down with your Boyfriend or Best Friend and figure out what the two of you want as individuals and as a couple. Make sure things mesh. Make compromises if possible. Then go from there. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks or how fast other people’s lives are moving. You aren’t them.

And when they ask “when are you getting married/buying a house/having babies?” just smile and say, “why do you ask?” (polite way of saying mind your own business). 

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