- Mrs. Harmony
- 7 years ago
SO and I have put together a timeline for engagement (yaaay!!!) but ever since then, I’ve been losing sleep at night thinking of the family I’m entering into.
Back story: SO’s parents met me one time and decided immediately that they didn’t like me. They don’t like that I am 32 and will probably want to settle down soon (as if that’s a bad thing?), which will “require” SO to take care of me and my child. Which leads to the major issue…
…my son is autistic and SO’s parents are NOT happy about that at all. He’s not allowed to ever come to the home because of it. He’s only 5! Sorry, my son didn’t choose to be born this way. Why exclude him? He did nothing wrong. Because of this nastiness, I instinctively decided his parents were pieces of SH*T for treating my boy this way. However, my SO is very close to his mom. I know I shouldn’t resent him for that, but I do.
He’s spending a part of the holidays with them, while I will be alone, waiting for him. My parents live very far away and my son will be with his dad for Xmas . The thought of my SO being 20 minutes down the road, having a great time with his siblings and parents, while I am home alone makes me feel like a piece of garbage. He will only stay 2 hours or so, but I really hate that he’s doing this to me. He doesn’t want to not see his Grandmas and siblings. I get that. But it still hurts.
SO is embarrassed by the way his parents have treated me. He says our relationship is the healthiest one he has ever had. It’s true. We shine together. We can talk about anything. He is bitter toward his father for saying my son is a demon child and that my DNA is all messed up for bearing an autistic child. But SO loves his mom, who is “supporting” her husband’s view on not welcoming me into the family.
When I think back on the birthday cards I sent, the get well card to his mom, the veggies from my garden I sent them, I feel embarrassed and humiliated, thinking they were laughing at me the whole time. Of all the people I know, only 2 people dislike me that I know of, and it’s his parents. I work in the healing/wellness industry and people’s well-being is my priority. I’m also a true Christian. It’s IMPOSSIBLE for me to not be hurt by this.
Knowing that I’m marrying into a family like this is making me depressed. I will forever be exluded from their family.
SO and I have tried numerous times to patch things up and talk about our differences with his mom. She danced around the issue for a month until he asked his mom if he and I can take her out for coffee sometime, and she said yes, but that she didn’t want to talk about “this” issue. Well, I told SO that I’m not going to just talk about the weather. It’s grueling enough to think that she hates me, so if I’m taking time out of my life to meet with her, it should be for the purpose to FIX THIS RELATIONSHIP! I have never had this problem in my life and I just don’t know what to do.
My SO have fought about 10 times over this in the past month. ALL other disagreements are handled so well, but we are both concerned that his parents are going to ruin our relationship!
How do I get over this anxiety? They live 20 minutes away from where SO will be settling down once we are married. I can’t ignore that he will want to see them on weekends, etc.