(Closed) Anxiety over future in-laws hating me

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 34
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@Mrs. Harmony: Good for you! You are doing the right thing for you and your son. He definitely doesn’t sound like he’s ever going to change.

ETA: Be glad you realize this before your wedding.

Post # 35
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@Mrs. Harmony: Good for you! I hope that he does come to a realization that you’re more important and puts you first, but it doesn’t look like he will – and if he doesn’t, he is missing out on something great with you and your son.  You deserve to feel loved, cherished, and accepted on the holidays, and every day.

Post # 36
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

Oh my goodness, I am so happy that you are standing up for you and your son.  It is way better to do this now than later down the road.

Post # 37
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

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@Mrs. Harmony:  I am so proud of you!  He has to understand that you are not making him choose, his familly is.

Post # 38
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I didn’t want to comment before because I pegged you for one of those girls that wouldn’t listen to what we have to say..i was wrong and i’m sorry. You stood up for yourself and I’m so proud of you..and i don’t even know you! Way to empower yourself!  You just have to show to your SO that you have confident and you aren’t allowing him or anyone to walk all over you.  I really hope this was a wake up call for him..and he’ll finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I don’t see why he can’t tell his family he’s bringing you or else he’s not coming..that he intend to spend the holidays with EVERYONE he loves!

Post # 39
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I just don’t ever see this situation improving for you and your son.  I know you want to be in love and marry this guy, but maybe it’s just not right.  He is a P-word, just as you said.  He should stand up for you and let his family know that you are all (you, him AND YOUR SON) a united front.  If they want him, they’ll have to accept you and your child, as well. 

You are not making him choose between you and his family.  Him not going to their house on Christmas will make a bold statement, which could possibly lead to them opening up their hearts. I doubt it, but who knows?  This whole situation is just messed up.  You said in another thread that when you have kids, they won’t be allowed around them if they can’t accept your son.  Do you REALLY think your SO will go for that?  Do you honestly think he’s not going to call them up to the hospital when your child is born and that he isn’t going to bring your kid with him to these family parties that you and YOUR child are banned from?

Aside from that, I could not imagine sitting home alone during the holidays while my Fiance was at his family gathering.  If he’s going to marry you, then you guys are going to be a family.  Families stick together, especially at holiday times.  You and your son deserve a man who is going to defend you where necessary.  This guy is not doing that.

Post # 41
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is there a reason you let the relationship be on their terms?  I mean, even though you are not “invited”, why don’t you tell your fiance you want to support him and you want to go with him on Christmas to show that there are no hard feelings from you and that you support your fiance’s health relationship with his family.  To me, that’s a good way to flip the situation and would show some balls in dealing with these ignorant people.  If his family shows their butts while you and your fiance are there in person, maybe he’ll stand up and take charge, but if he doesn’t then good riddance on him. 

What you shouldn’t do is make this a you vs. his mom thing ….. because the boy will pick his momma and you’ll be branded as the woman who thought water was thicker than blood.  Let your fiance come to realize his family sucks all on his own instead of telling him that they do.  Sorry that this sounds means, but you’re only giving his family ammo to use against you …. example conversation I hear in my head: “What?  She will only let you stay here for 2 hours?!  But Grandma drove all the way from Memphis!  She just wants you to go and sit at home alone with her?  How selfish. Your 500 cousins haven’t even gotten here yet!”  In fact, your fiance already said it himself by blaming you for making him choose.  Stop making yourself the bad guy.

And there’s no reason to discuss it with his mother.  It will only keep the drama-channel open and fresh.  They are ignorant people who have made up their minds about you and your child.  Ignorant people generally lack the capacity to ever see around their asses.

(By the way, this is just my opinion from watching my sister go through a very similar situation and may sound a little harsh — sorry.)

Post # 42
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Any updates? I hope you have a nice Christmas tomorrow.

Post # 43
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

Updates?  I would like to know if you were able to resolve things too.  God bless

 

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