Post # 1
I thought I would put it out there as this is becoming an increasing source of Anxiety for me.
I have just turned 24 and I don’t have any friends. I love my family and my Mum and I are incredibly incredibly close but I don’t have any friends my own age or a boyfriend for that matter either.
My Friend group from Highschool has dissolved and last year my Best Friend who I met there just stopped talking to me- (I have no idea why and have just sent her a letter with an apology and the request to catch up ).
Uni has always been a struggle for me in general- I questioned what i was doing to a long time- so with all the self doubt and hate/ insecurity i made it hard for myself to make friends.
I’m lucky that my part time Job is wonderful but all of my colleagues are middle aged women with families so aren’t exactly on the same page as me.
So, long story long- does anyone have any advice on how to make friends as adults? Especially for someone who is a little bit socially awkward.
Most online advice starts with putting yourself in social situations- I have got myself a gym membership (to work on the self-hate and social life) but does anyone else have any advice or tales from being in a similar situation? I would love to hear.
I am trying to get myself into a positive mindset for the beginning of the year and I would really love some help.
PS. Is there such a thing as online dating but for meeting friends?
Post # 2
There is! search your area and youll find them. A simple search turned up this on in NY http://www.newcityfriend.com
also if your into yoga or fitness classes you can meet people there.
I’m sure people meet on here too….
Good luck and and happy holidays!
Post # 3
justjade: There is… use meetup.com! It’s great. My friend moved across the country and made a ton of new friends that way.
Post # 4
justjade: Hi! I was in a similar predicament when I moved to NYC after college, though I still had friends just not in my city. My advice is to find just one person, acquaintance or a friend, who can lead you to his or her group of friends. If you all click, then you will find yourself with a regular crowd and maybe even a new close friend. 🙂
Post # 5
Hey OP, don’t worry. You are not alone. This is actually a really common twenty-something problem. I too am trying to figure out how to make new friends as most of my high school friends are quite busy, much busier than me, so it’s hard to meet up. First of all, it’s good that you’re working on getting to a more positive, healthier place. Good for you! I hope it works out.
Second of all, you have to stop telling yourself that you’re socially awkward. Even if you’re not that comfortable socializing, that’s okay. Truthfully, most people are just faking it. Everyone is weird and awkward sometimes. Everyone is worrying what people think about them and if they’re doing the right thing and if they’re talking too much or not enough. Stop worrying about that. It’ll just drive you crazy. As long as you show an interest in the other person (really listen to what they’re saying, ask them questions about themselves), you’re doing well. You are not the only one. You have to let go of the fear of rejection that comes with meeting new people and just push through it and say you’re going to this meeting/club/activity and if you meet someone nice who you can talk to for more than five minutes, great and if not, at least you put yourself out there. It’s hard being brave. It’s hard putting yourself out there but at least you’re trying and that’s what matters.
Keep trying new things and putting yourself out there. I’m sure you’re lovely and you WILL make some friends. If there’s some hobby that you’ve been interested in for awhile (dancing, karate, a book club), see if you can find somewhere in your area where you can try it out. Or if you like food, see if there’s some kind of meet up website for people who want to try new restaurants (I know a few big cities have these; if you can’t find one, check out the yelp for your city and see if they have any meet ups happening). It might not just be for food.
Also don’t be afraid to befriend someone you might not expect to have a lot in common with. One of my good friends is really close to a single mother in her 20’s who she works with right now. My friend doesn’t have kids but she still has a lot in common with this other woman and they get along great. So try not to assume that just because someone’s in a really different place in life – married/parent – that you can’t get along or be friends. Same goes for those middle-aged women you work with. They may never be brunch/bar friends but you guys could talk and bond over other things. You can have friends of different ages and that can be very rewarding and insightful. Let’s say you want to take up knitting and one of them knits, you instantly have something to talk about. Don’t count anyone out!
I also was just reading this article last night about the same issue and I hope it helps and reminds you that you’re not alone: http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/08/ask-polly-how-do-i-make-friends-in-my-late-20s.html
There’s also some good advice here about friendship and self-worth that might be of use to you: http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/11/ask-polly-should-i-live-alone.html
Post # 6
It is really hard to meet people and make meaningful relationships! It sucks sometimes. Another option that I didn’t see mentioned by PPs is to join Meetup.com. They have club and meetings for a variety of interests. You could check some of those out in your area and meet some new people.
Post # 7
justjade: first – you can be friends with middle aged ladies, don’t let age be a deterrent. I am really good friends with a number of women who are ten years older than me. If you click you click!
I would suggest joining a sports league or book club! Then you will meet people with similar interested ( obviously only join a like minded group) and its an easy way to meet people.
Post # 8
I don’t really have friends… so I got a pet 🙂
Post # 9
Join groups for the activities you like to do. You will meet people with similar interests. Also consider volunteer work.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast
One thing I’d suggest is to look on http://www.meetup.com (or similar sites?) to see what kind of groups are in your area and if one interests you – join it. We use this website for a car club that I belong to and i always suggest it to people looking to meet new people in more of a friendly (non-dating) enviroment. Some groups in my area include car clubs, board game groups, general social groups for ladies/men/singles/widows/moms/programmers/professionals/entrpreneurs, hiking groups, beer/wine groups, sports groups, food groups, etc.
Post # 11
OP, I had (and to some extent still have) this same problem. I’m 22 and graduated college and started working full time years before my friends and consequently lost many/most of them.
It’s no substiture for long term in person companionship, but you might consider joining an online community focused on your interests. I met my fiancé and scores of friends on Rooster Teeth, a gaming and comedy website. I wasn’t looking to date but Fiance just sort of fell in my lap. 🙂 we have met up with our friends from the site. I find them much more similarly minded than the folks I’ve encountered “in the wild.” 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: Lombardi's On the bay
Definitely use meetup.com!!!! I was in a similar situation a few years ago and that site was such a blessing. If you feel uncomfortable with just joining a random group, you can make your own and plan events that you would be interested in.
Post # 13
I seriously think this is one of the most common, yet least talked about, challenges! Forget trying to find a guy, when I graduated from school and moved away to a new city, it was MUCH harder to make real friendships. I don’t have a magic solution, but a few things helped me. First of all, I gave up on the fantasy that my friendships should be like Sex and The City — that I should have this group of girlfriends that all knew and loved each other and went everywhere together. Instead, I focused on doing things that I LOVED and was comfortable doing alone (working out, volunteering, taking classes) and found that was a great way to meet a variety of different people. If you live in the US, Dabble can be a great place to find fun, different classes. Meetup.com is also good. My friends now are a mix of people that I’ve met, and in turn they have also introduced me to others. I think sometimes it’s making that first or second connection that is hardest, but you will!
Post # 14
I also have this problem. I literally have only 1 friend now and I’ve tried hanging out with her other friends, but we just don’t click. In fact, they were incredibly rude to me. But it’s so hard for me because I don’t have a car right now (and won’t have one for the forseeable future) so I’m stuck. :/
Post # 15
Meredith80: Also, thanks for mentioning Dabble! I never heard of it before but I just chekced out the site and it looks amazing!