Anxious about small family-only wedding

posted 6 months ago in Emotional
Post # 3
759 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

First off I am so sorry, it sounds like you’ve had a tough few years so I’m so happy you’ve found someone to support and love you. I’ve been struggling with this as well and will have a short mention of my brother in the opening statements of the ceremony and then either leave a place open for him or a picture and candle on a table. Whatever you decide to do to remember them, I would make sure his side of the family knows and understands before the wedding so they aren’t blindsided. 

Post # 4
4138 posts
Honey bee

iceland0519 :  I’m sorry for everything you’ve had to deal with. Your wedding will be perfect, don’t stress. I’d give FI’s family about both the issue with your parents and the passing of your brothers beforehand so they aren’t blindsided like PP said. 

Post # 5
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of this. Family drama is THE WORST. Have you considered eloping to Iceland, just you and your partner, then taking your family out to a really fancy dinner at home afterwards? It will be cheaper overal (Iceland is INSANELY expensive) and reduce the amount of time they all have to spend together.

Post # 6
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

First, so sorry for your losses and difficult past decade. Your wedding will be great! Iceland will be amazing!

At least for me, feeling prepared helps ease my anxiety. A few ways to prepare that I would suggest… Could you talk to both your dad and his gf over video chat (or in person if you see them) about wedding plans and make sure you’re all on the same page? Even if you don’t want to have a relationship with her, making sure they know all the plans and when your parents might have to interact could help you, and them, feel better. Same with your mom. 

For a small wedding, I think expressing confidently that this is what you want will help people understand. “We wanted a really intimate ceremony and we’re so excited to celebrate with our family.” No one reasonable will think this means you have no friends…you just wanted a small wedding.

Definitely have your fiance tell his siblings and their families about your family. They will soon be your family, and it’s important for them to have some context. There are lots of beautiful ways to recognize loved ones who’ve passed away in the ceremony, but I think it’s only fair to let them know ahead of time. Make your fiance do this! it’s his family. 

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