(Closed) Anxious because MOH hasn’t mentioned hosting bridal shower yet!!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Do you think I should voice my desire for a bridal shower directly to my MOH?
    Yes, just don't order but tell her nicely that it's something you would truly like to have. : (4 votes)
    15 %
    Maybe, but give it a few months since your wedding isn't until this fall. : (16 votes)
    62 %
    Inconspicuously tell another bridesmaid of your desire and THEN hint at it to your MOH. : (1 votes)
    4 %
    NO! Don't say a word, she might think you are rude! : (5 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    563 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Ummm…the problem is that there seem to be vastly different expectations for bridal party responsibilities.  Some brides just want their bridesmaids to show up and wear a matching dress; for other groups of friends it might be more normal for the bridal party to host the shower.  It is entirely possible that your Maid/Matron of Honor has no idea that you would like her to throw a shower for you.  It’s also possible that your friends will greatly resent having to pay for your shower, and won’t say anything since they don’t want to cause drama before your wedding.  

    Also, please keep in mind that your Maid/Matron of Honor is recovering from surgery and her focus might not be on your wedding right now.  Co-payments for surgery is quite expensive, and she may have fallen behind at work.  

    If you do decide to request a shower (and please think about that decision carefully, since you are putting people in a bad spot where it is hard for them to say no when you ask them) you might want to try to spread the responsibilities around.  Our friends had their engagement party this way – one friend had a large house, so she hosted the party.  Another friend volunteered to bring all of the alcohol, and I made all of the desserts.  That way it wasn’t particularly expensive, plus the expense was shared among a lot of people who weren’t in the bridal party.   Perhaps one of your bridesmaids could host the party at her house and it could be a potluck or a bbq to cut down on expenses?

    Post # 4
    3041 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I wouldn’t worry about it just yet, you have PLENTY of time. She probably has so much to do that she hasn’t had time to plan it yet. Have you sent out Save-The-Date Cards yet? Usually showers are after Save-The-Date Cards are sent so people know you’re getting married.

    Post # 5
    179 posts
    Blushing bee

    Yes you should definitely hold off on asking her about the bridal shower. You mentioned that you just asked people to be in your bridal party very rencently. It would be rather overbearing for you to start telling them the things you want/expect so soon. I’m not saying that you’re being demanding but you should step back a bit and be more understanding of their situations. Just give all of them some time, no worries. 🙂

    I also hope that you can patch things up wtih your family. Sorry to hear that you’re estranged from them right now.

    Post # 6
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    You have PLENTY of time.  Here are a few reasons why:

    1. Your wedding is WAY far away, typically showers are about 2 months prior to the wedding.  It helps build excitement and if you have it too soon then you get all excited for the shower and then have to wait 4 months for the wedding.
    2. You only asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor 2.5 weeks ago.  Give the girl a chance to breath.  Focus on other things that can be done right now, select a date, a venue, dresses, Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, etc.  Then worry about a shower.
    3. She just had jaw surgery and may not be back on her A game yet.  Give her some time to deal with personal stuff and help you out when she’s ready.

    Post # 7
    1940 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    My bridal shower will be about a month before the wedding.  You have plenty of time – I really wouldn’t worry about it right now.  If she hasn’t brought the topic up in a few months, I might carefully bring it up.

    Post # 8
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I think it is a little to soon to be worried about this. You just asked her to be a bridesmaid 2 weeks ago.  She hasn’t even written your date in her calendar yet let alone think about showers or bach parties.  Also, like poster above there are different views on what the Maid/Matron of Honor should do.  In fact my Maid/Matron of Honor offered to host an engagement party.  My mom’s friends offered to host the shower.  bridesmaids hosted the bach party.  I thought this was fair so that it wouldn’t be a burden on any one person or group of people.  Just give everyone some time to get the idea of your wedding in their heads. People will start asking in a month or so.  Mine waited to say something until 2 months prior to wedding day.

    Post # 9
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    My bridal shower was a little less than two months before the wedding.  I agree with the others that it’s too early to start worrying about whether your Maid/Matron of Honor will plan your shower.  Give it a couple of months, and if she still doesn’t mention it, it would be okay to tell her that a bridal shower would mean a lot to you and that you’d love to have one if she’s up to planning it.

    Post # 10
    14183 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Definitely too soon. My shower was a MONTH before the wedding. Give her until August before you start worrying =]

    Post # 11
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010 - Marie Gabrielle, Dallas

    My shower was about a month and a half before the wedding, and I think they picked the date in mid Jan and started planning for a feb 26th shower.  So there is time.  And, I agree with the others that since you just asked, she probably needs a little time.

    Post # 12
    160 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    way 2 soon…. u just asked her….

    Post # 13
    597 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I think you should hint at your bridesmaids in general, so that the responsibility doesn’t all fall on your Maid/Matron of Honor. This is because she is recovering from surgery and you did in fact just ask her to be a Maid/Matron of Honor not too long ago. Even a family member could throw it(relative)….but I would first start hinting with your BMs, and Maid/Matron of Honor, together….perhaps they can work together to throw it. I can see why you’re anxious….your date is early October?? I would definitely NOT just rely on Maid/Matron of Honor then! Get going with others:)…j/k, but I would definitely invest other people. 

    My wedding is in December, and my shower is going to be October 23rd, so I am just saying….you do need to hurry! If needed you can always do it right before the wedding or even tied together with your bachelorette party! Hope things work out.

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