- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
Okay, I have to start off with saying that I know I am really lucky to be loved so much and everything , but …
I have been a total wreck lately – just a ball of anxiety in general (mostly not wedding stuff) mixed in with general insomnia and other things. I am not looking forward to my bridal shower because I hate attention (I am dreading the amount of people on the wedding day – but it’s what Fiance wants). I am putting on a happy face and everything because my Maid/Matron of Honor, family, future in-laws and the rest of my bridal party really wants to throw one for me.
From the bits and pieces I hear everyone is super involved (FSIL is making invitations, sister is going to host at her place, Maid/Matron of Honor and rest of bridal party is taking care of other stuff). When my Maid/Matron of Honor first told me he is planning on throwing one for me, he asked me what sort of things I would like and I responded that it is totally up to them. They are choosing to throw the party so I am hands off on it and they can choose the guest list (I provided my list of those invited to the wedding).
Well, the other week I visited my one Bridesmaid or Best Man who lives in another city (we’ll call her Bridesmaid or Best Man1) and she tells me that my mom wants to invite every woman that is invited to the wedding, but that Bridesmaid or Best Man1 didn’t think I would feel comfortable with so many people (which is very true – I started feeling extraordinarily anxious and panicky thinking of the amount of women). I should add that everyone except me and Bridesmaid or Best Man2 are all very Type A personalities. Sooo Bridesmaid or Best Man1 being Bridesmaid or Best Man1 told me not to worry about it and that she would make sure that my mom doesn’t invite every single woman (I know she is doing this because of what happened with my sister’s in-laws with regards to a baby shower for my sister – something that is still very much a sore spot for my mom and dad – and my cousin’s bridal shower a few years ago). I am worried about what might happen when Bridesmaid or Best Man1 does speak with my mom, since they are both very strong willed and neither are afraid of confrontation.
Then yesterday I went to a movie with my Maid/Matron of Honor. He really wants me to give him a list of people I want invited. So I tell him that I maybe just the ladies that are invited to my bachelorette and a few others but I wasn’t sure who. Then I was talking to Fiance and asked him and he told me that all these other people should be included. Then I start worrying about what happens if I don’t have these other people. So I was thinking I should include all these people that I am not comfortable around (some of FI’s friends who are mutual friends with some of my other female friends and family I don’t see too often). So then the list turned into 26 people. And I started just panicking because that (to me) is a lot of people. So I had all of these people listed in the email I sent and also wrote that I am not comfortable with that many people so maybe just the bridal party, a few of my friends that aren’t in the bridal party and a few close family members and family friends (which totalled 14 people). I am just so worried that I’m going to offend someone if they end up not getting included or someone will be upset.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way but my anxiety level is through the roof right now. Do people get offended if they are not invited to a bridal shower? Will anyone think poorly of me if they are not invited? I don’t know if anyone will understand but I always feel short of breath and super uneasy around groups of people.
If you stayed through this entire post with me, thank you. I apologize for the length.