(Closed) Any 20 somethings who don't want kids…period?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 78
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@barbie86:  I remember being made to hold a neighbour’s baby when I was 9, and thinking how it was so unfair that I had to, and my mum had to, but my brother and dad didn’t. I didn’t know what sexism was at that age; but I can only say that if I’d known the term, that is what I would have called it: sexist.

THIS. Wow. A million times this. I actually recently got yelled at by a fellow coworker b/c I didn’t get up excitedly to check out another coworker’s new baby, whereas my male coworker was left alone. Sorry, babies just don’t appeal to me and I find toddlers/children annoying as hell. I think a big chunk of my dislike for them has to do with the ingrained sexism behind childcare/babies. Also, I find that women have to constantly apologize for not wanting kids by saying, “I LOVE KIDS!!! REALLY! I DO! They are… just not for me.” Why? Men never have to apologize for showing zero interest in kids, and some of the guys that show zero interest ARE actually fathers. No one gives them a hard time.
 
I am no longer a 20 something as I turned 30 this year, but at my age, I’m reaching another conundrum. If you think you get kid pressure as a 20 something, it gets worse in your late 20s-early 30s. I am not even married yet, and I’m already getting the kid question. Kids are just not in the cards for my Fiance and me. He doesn’t like them and shows no interest in them except to bitch about “the spawn screaming in our neighborhood”, and I’m in student loan debt + have a career choice that is not kind if you want a family. Plus I grew up ridiculously poor, so I plan to spend my adulthood doing all the things I wanted to do as a kid.
 
For those CBC, do not feel bad. If anything, you are actually doing the world a favor with overpopulation being the way it is.

Post # 79
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I once told my mom that I wasnt sure I would have children and she started crying and said that I was only saying that to hurt her. Oh boy..I love my nieces and nephews, would I want to take them home with me for the week? Absolutly not. Kids cost a fortune, and they are at you all. the. time. if you want sleep or a moment to sit down, if they are conscious forget about it. I hate hearing my friends say they want a baby, babies grow up, quickly. I dont think Ive ever heard someone say they wanted a two year old…

Post # 80
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

yes! actually looking into getting him to have a vasectomy. I dont enjoy kids for the most part and im not stopping my life to live it for someone else. no kids never!!!!

Post # 81
Member
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@mscuppycake:  I used to say I didn’t want kids in my 20s and people would always tell me I’d change my mind.  Now I’m 33 and I still don’t want kids, and people are still saying I’ll change my mind.  I’m sure when I’m in my 40s people will be saying the same thing.  Apparently it’s very difficult for people to comprehend that there are opinions/view points that vary from their own.

Post # 82
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Fiance and I have recently talked about it and surprised ourselves with the adamancy of not wanting kids ever. Kids are great if you can play with them and then hand them back to the parents when they need food/fuss/you want a nap, lol. There are so many reasons to not have kids, and just as many to have them. I think in both cases you’ll probably find someone who’s a downer that will argue against whichever you choose. 

My dad recently mentioned grandbabies….can’t wait for that conversation. Luckily enough I have two sisters, so I’ll just pass the kid responsibilites to them, lol. 

Post # 82
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Me! I’m 26, DH is 27, and we don’t see ourselves changing our minds about children anytime soon! I’m picking up our two dogs that we’re adopting today, and that’s as close to children as we plan on getting until further notice!

Post # 83
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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mscuppycake:  My fiance and I don’t want kids either. Neither of us has ever felt the slightest desire to have any. It’s not part of our plan because 1) we both place top priority on our relationship (and soon-to-be marriage!!) and agree that a child would completely change our relationship, 2) we are very focused on our respective careers which are both extremely time-consuming; I’m a novelist and he’s a civil engineer, 3) we want to be able to travel the world and don’t want the financial/emotional/every other type of burden of children holding us back from living out our dreams. It drives me crazy when people, including our parents, say we will change our minds as we get older. However, I’m 24 and he turns 23 right after our wedding. We aren’t too young to know what we want for our future together. If we can decide that we are old enough to get married and commit to each other for the rest of our lives, we are also old enough to know we don’t ever want kids.

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  acciomagic.
Post # 84
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Same, we are ‘DINKS’ and happy. 29/30. Neither of us has ever imagined being a parent. We’ve got nieces and many of our friends have young children now..and we love to visit for an hour or so then leave on our merry way. We have felt this way for 10 years. My best friend of 25 years just had a baby, and it was lovely, beautiful, joyous, happy and.. Then I went back to enjoying my life. 

Post # 85
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

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mscuppycake:  One of my closest friends never wants kids. She was in a relationship with someone for almost 5 years, and was transparent about this, but he either lied to himself because he wanted to be with her, or just eventually realized that he in fact did want kids. They had a devastating breakup over this. Good for you both for being true to yourselves!

Post # 86
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

FH and I are early 20s, like 21 and 23 and we do want a child, but definitely not anytime soon. And we respect other people’s decisions not to have kids. I have literally had people ask us when we’re having a baby because “we don’t want to miss our window.” That was when I had just turned 20! And the more offensive things people have said… “you can’t know real love until you have a child” and “you aren’t a real woman until you’ve given birth.” So I can somewhat understand where you’re coming from. People will always get in your business and tell you what’s “right” but it’s your life so live it how you want to! 

Post # 87
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

The more i think of the idea of having kids, the more i dont want them. I’m 28 and still have so much i still want to do before i can think about having kids. I want to travel, adopted a puppy, figure out what i want to do career-wise…But i also tend to keep that just between SO and I because i know others whill judge or say something. My co-worker a while back and talking about how she didnt want kids and the woman sitting next to her just compeltely unleashed the whole ‘kids are wonderful’ arguement and it wasnt pretty…Yes they are wonderful, but that doesnt mean they’re for everyone. 

Post # 88
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Fiance and I don’t want kids. We do want to have 3 or 4 dogs. She loves cats. I have had a few cats that were mean so I am wary of cats, but my brother has a cat I love so I know it depends on their personality. So if there’s a way to test their personality before getting one I think I’d be open to getting another cat.

Meanwhile my mother started asking me maybe 2 years ago when I was going to have a baby lol. Some of her friends are grandparents already, and I know she’s just excited and wants a grandbaby to spoil but between me being gay and my brother totally playing the field and living the bachelor life, I think she’s afraid it’ll never happen. I have another brother but he is only 16. So there’s still time! I think she puts the pressure on me because I’m her only daughter.

I am going to be an auntie in September though! Because Future Sister-In-Law is pregnant. I wanted her to get pregnant 4 4ever. Finally I gave up and then she got knocked up.

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