(Closed) Any advice?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry to hear all the things you are going though at the same time. You sure do have a lot to worry about.

I don’t see why you would want to postpone the proposal, if you do want to get married and start a family.  Considering you don’t have too much time to concieve, I’d think you’d want to get married ASAP.

If your mom is sick, maybe you’d life her to witness your wedding instead of putting your life on hold. 

I guess you have to figure out what you want exactly, some things are in your control and some are not, and take it one day at a time.  Enjoy your trip.

Post # 4
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

First, I’m sorry you’re going through all this at the same time. Honestly, if it were me, I would not hold off the proposal/marriage. In fact, I would do a small and simple wedding as soon as possible, in order to ensure that my mom would be there to witness it and not lose my chances to conceive. Keeping everyone’s stress levels low is very noble but comes with a price that is too high in your case. Plus, good news would probably be welcomed right now. Only you can figure this out, but this is what I would do if I were in your shoes. Good luck.

Post # 5
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You must be a very strong person. You really have a lot going on.

Does your SO know that you may have trouble getting pregnant? If he does know, is he okay with that? If he is 100% okay with it, then I don’t really see why you would need to put your marriage on hold.

One thing I have learned is that there will always be (not always maybe, but often) something going on in the world around you that can make it seem like it’s not the right time to become engaged and focus on your marriage.

I feel for what you are going through with your mom. I don’t know if asking your SO to hold off is the right choice or not. I think you will have to feel it out to know.



Post # 6
13012 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If it feels right to you, then it is.  No one can tell you how to feel in the situation, or what the right call is.  That being said, I’m sure your mother would love to share in at least some of the planning and happiness that surrounds the wedding, especially if her chances of beating the cancer aren’t good.  I’m sure your family doesn’t want you to put off your own happiness to keep stress low. 

I’m so sorry to hear how hard of a time you’re having.  My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Post # 7
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m really sorry that you have to deal with so much. I think you need to do what you FEEL is right. You’ve been with your boyfriend for a long time, do you need a big engagement? Maybe he can just put the ring on your finger since you both know you’re going to get married anyway. It may bring a lot of happiness to your mom during a time that is hard for her.

Post # 8
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am so sorry to hear this! I would also encourage you to reconsider. You’ll want your mom there. She will want to be there. Go to Paris, get engaged, then figure out if you want to get married in November, or something sooner. Then you can try for a baby, with the hopes that your mom can meet her grandchild. Best of luck!

Post # 9
33 posts
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Neverland Farms

I know you have a lot going on, but don’t wait.  Let life happen, because it will.  There will be no perfect time for a proposal or a wedding.  Mr. Skunks grandfather passed two weeks before he proposed and he lost his job soon after, but we just kept on keeping on cause that’s how life works.  Take what you have now and celebrate even if it needs to be smaller than what you originally had in mind.

Post # 10
1736 posts
Bumble bee

I just want to say how sorry I am that you are going through all of this. It sounds like your SO is an extremely supportive man and you are lucky to have him by your side. You must have so many different things running through your mind and the truth is, that while we can offer advice based on what we would each personally do in your situation…only you know what is the best course of action for you and your family. That said, if I were you, I would want my Mom to see me get married. Even if it’s a small ceremony at the courthouse…I would want her by my side. On your first anniversary, you could renew your vows and have the big wedding you might be wishing for if that’s something you’re thinking about.

Again, only you know what the right answer is, but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! ((hugs!))

Post # 11
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@jany:  Yes, I second what a bunch of the other posters have already said: my heart goes out to you and your family while you struggle with these very difficult circumstances, but I think that getting married and trying to get pregnant in the midst of it all is actually a wonderful way of affirming life and love in the face of adversity. It doesn’t need to be a big, elaborate wedding – especially if your mum wouldn’t be there for it. It will be much more special and meaningful to do something simple and modest, but quickly, so that she can witness it.

That said, it has to be the right thing for you and your partner. It is a complicated situation and only the two of you are really in a position to choose the best course of action. I would just encourage you to not allow this to deter you and possibly miss out on being able to have your mum be present for something it sounds like you know you really want.

Blessings upon you all.

Post # 12
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am very sorry for your situation. If it were me, I’d want my mom there to see that day, to be a witness. I think that she would like to see her daughter get married so no, I don’t think you should put a marriage/proposal on hold. In your situation I might suggest just a very small, intimate ceremony. If you Boyfriend or Best Friend knows about the low fertility and agrees that having kids right away would be a good decision, then I say go for it. Do what makes YOU happy and what is right for YOU.

Best wishes and good luck. *hugs*

Post # 13
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sorry to hear of all your trials… but blessings in the midst of trials can be very beautiful.  If this is where God has led you, don’t put your happiness on hold.  You can be a comfort to your family as well as continue LIVING!

Post # 14
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’d still get engaged, my mom wouldn’t want me to put my life on hold for something like this. 

Post # 15
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ditto others, I wouldn’t put life on hold. Besides the fact it would probably bring your Mom great joy to be around for as many of these huge life events as possible. 

Touching on the fertility issue- why do you think chances are extremely low using an ED? Unless there is some conditon keeping you from carrying a pregnancy in general, ED rates are usually quite high. I have quite a bit of experience with egg donor and donation so if you’d like to PM me to chat on that feel free. I am so sorry you are going through all this and I wish you the best!

Post # 16
4432 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jany:  I’m not really reading everyone elses responses before I write this, so bear with me if either A. It’s been said, or B. no one agrees…lol

I think you should go forward with the wedding.  My step mother, whom I care about VERY much…was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer last April, she got married that June…She was givin 2 years to live last April…which hasn’t changed since her most recent appt.

If you notice, our wedding is in June…although she is doing a million times better, and off the major chemo meds…the outlook still isn’t good as they are unable to operate…

She would love nothing more than to see us go through with our goals and plans, and would feel a burden if she was the reason we ever kept ourselves from doing so because of her illness..

I would honestly say to have a small ceremony if anything, and then maybe a bigger event later on when you know more. 


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