Any advice for making the most of waiting for the proposal?

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

FWIW I don’t really understand the need to “be able to provide for you” at all. 

Anyways, *sigh* the waiting period… I started book marking dresses, venues, and other inspo. I created a budget, guest count, and tentative guest list. There’s no harm in silently planning while you wait. 

Post # 3
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I don’t have much advise for how to make the waiting less stressful….I would be lying if I said I wasn’t as anxious as you sound in that time. But I will say…I’ve been married for a little over a year now and things are not different than they were back when we were dating other than being able to call each other “husband” and “wife” (which I’m also not going to say isn’t great…because I was SO done calling him my boyfriend). But really…the engagement/proposal will be exciting and the planning and the wedding…but then life settles back out to normal and you’ll just continue spending your days with your love. Try and be happy to just be in this exciting time as opposed to the normal every day parts of life. You’ll only be right where you are this once.

If you enjoy reading I would HIGHLY recommend The Gratitude Diaries: How a Year Looking on the Bright Side Can Transform Your Life by Janice Kaplan. It will change your perspective on how you look at life and might be a way to feel more grateful as opposed to anxious/nervous. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

I get it, waiting sucks. A LOT. My boyfriend has about 3 more weeks left until our timeline is up and it is driving me up the wall. At least in your situation you know there is a ring. I have zero idea what my boyfriend is or isnt’ doing about the ring part. My grandma’s heirloom ring we agreed to use but slightly alter sits collecting dust in his nighstand with nothing done to it as of now. With 3 weeks left I have decided to just sit back and see what he does but it sucks big time waiting. 

I think it would be totally ok for you to tell your boyfriend you are ready to be engaged now, not when he gets a job. Just talk it through with him that while his sentiment is appreciated, it isn’t necessary and isn’t fun for you to wait until then. See what he says. Compromise. Other than that im afraid waiting just isn’t super fun. At least it isn’t for me. Like another person posted, i am just so ready to not be JUST his girlfriend. Once you get to that point its difficult to just be patient when it feels like your waiting for no reason at all. To me, if your ready to marry someone enough that you have a timeline and or a ring etc. Then you should just actually do it. lol. 

Post # 5
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Courthouse

It’s totally normal to have some nerves and anxiety in the waiting stage. This is a biggg decision to decide to no longer be just dating, for you and for him! It’s a huge and exciting step. Just focus on staying in the moment and enjoying your relationship how it is now.

You don’t want to ruin his planning or make him feel rushed with proposing. Especially since you know he has the ring. I knew my FH had the ring too and I also tried it on before he actually proposed. It’s SO amazing once you get to wear it as a fiancée.

Once you’re engaged, everyone’s going to be asking to see the ring, when’s the wedding, etc. so just soak up everything now!

Post # 6
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

ladyjane123 :  are you making plans now to immediately leave if there’s no proposal in 3 weeks?

chitownyogini :  this,  wtf with the common delay tactic/excuse of needing to “provide” BS…. as though it’s the 50s yet in the interim enjoying all the relationship benefits of 2019!

Post # 7
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

mrstodd2bee :  No, no plans to leave but bracing myself for a serious conversation that hopefully I wont need to have. See I have no doubt he will propose and wants to marry me, but I do have doubt that he will wait until after the deadline and I will have to talk to him about it which could taint the whole thing. That is my worry. Not much I can do but sit back and see if he steps up. If he doesn’t then I will talk to him. 

Post # 8
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

chitownyogini :  Yes, interesting how he doesn’t feel he can “provide” for her yet, but he was able to “provide” enough for a ring!

OP, it seems like you already have a rough idea of when your proposal will happen. That gives you something to look forward to. In the meantime, you have Pinterest and this site to vent. I vent to my best friend as well, since she’s already engaged and can empathize with the stress of waiting. If he’s had the ring for 6 months, your wait is more than halfway over 🙂

Post # 9
Member
3515 posts
Sugar bee

I think it’s fairly impossible to “enjoy this time” of waiting months for a proposal. I find it very odd that the ring has been in the house all that time and yet he’s failed to propose citing a reason that is as outdated as a typewriter. 

Post # 10
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

I have some ideas!

  • Hang out on this site with us
  • Start looking into name change laws in your state if you plan on changing names in any ways
  • Begin scoping out venues and color palettes (if you are into that sort of thing)
  • If you want to get him an engagement gift, this is the perfect time to start looking! (Or maybe at least a celebratory drink!)
  • If you are into doing engagement pictures, look for photographers now! 

It’s okay if you’re not into all the things above – I’m not into half of them, but those are some standard things that seem to be pretty popular. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

ladyjane123 :  I’m still waiting too! Not sure if you remember my posts, I deleted them after all the negative comments I got!

Hes had the ring since December but no proposal yet, incredibly frustrating, but he is in counseling and making progress on his fears, which seem to be feeling trapped and what if I change!

its so hard but hopefully soon. I’m the same in that I know he will ask me and it will happen 😀

Post # 12
Member
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

gray15 :  wait, if he’s waiting to propose when he can provide and take care of you, why are you looking for a job? I mean by default that directly correlates to the outdated 50s mindset that he’s trying to use. So if he isn’t fully supporting you why TF are you waiting? It’s bull shit. He ain’t “taking care of you” if you’re still working and HAVE to for your household. He’s CONTRIBUTING to the household just like you. He ain’t taking care of shit. 

Post # 14
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

So what he wants to provide for her? I don’t understand why this irritates so many bees. If we could afford for me to be a Stay-At-Home Mom or Stay-At-Home Wife I’d jump at the chance. 

Post # 15
Member
711 posts
Busy bee

Waiting sucks. My best advice is just get through it- it will eventually be over in some way. I regret being SO emotionally distraught during my waiting period and even thought everything is wonderful now, I have a slight twinge of wishing I hadn’t been from time to time. 

Definitelt start planning- it helps immensely to fill your time, but in my experience, it made it much easier knowing what to expect pricing wise. I reached out to vendors, started the guest list, etc. although I didn’t set anything in stone until after we were engaged and the venue we chose wasn’t even on my list, I felt way more prepared for everything. When you actually get to planning, there will still be a lot of surprises and omg that more expensive than I thought, so diving in beforehand is a blessing! 

I will say, the only positive of the waiting period is that for me it gave me a broader picture of the entire experience. I was able to realize that I wanted input in my ring, have time to understand planning as I said, and make peace with a few things. 

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