Any advice for making the most of waiting for the proposal?

posted 1 week ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee

I would focus on the fact that both of you need to sort out your post education lives before marriage realistically can happen.   I applaud you both for realising this and working towards it.   I am honeslty suprised at some of the above comments because so many negative threads talk about people who want to be married when the are being supported by their parents.

 

Also, I may be in the minority but don’t pre plan your wedding.   Try to enjoy where you are because life speeds by so qucikly and the time right after college graduation but before full crushing adult responsability is a fleeting and golden time.   

Post # 17
Member
7762 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

gray15 :  

“.…..he has the means to provide for me”  ” By the time he asks for my hand”  Such amazingly old fashioned phrases and  concepts. I don’t understand . I also don’t  understand why he – or any man  – buys an engagement ring and keeps it for 6 months . 

 

Post # 18
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

I think the issue is that his reason for waiting is to provide for her but their situation doesn’t reflect that at all. They both just graduated with loans and they will both apparently need to work. She is not about to be a stay at home mom or even a housewife in this setup. He will not be providing for her at all. 

He already has the ring. It would be different if he couldn’t afford the ring she really wanted without a job, but that’s not the case. There really isn’t anything concrete holding them back.

Having a job is important and I get that but OP clearly isn’t happy waiting indefinitely, which is understandable. If she’s really that unhappy they should talk and he could just propose now with the ring he already has had for half a year. He should be flexible

mamabat :  

Post # 19
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

gray15 :  This makes a little more sense. Waiting until you guys are financially independent from your parents is a smart decision.  I am a tad alarmed that you have so much student loan debt that your husband will also need to contribute to your payments… Hopefully you can consolidate or apply for loan forgivness at some point depending on your profession. 

Post # 20
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

I made a daily reminder pop up on my phone to take 5 minutes to breathe, be in the moment, and to try and just carve out some calming “me” time each day. I like to think this helped me calm down the blood rushing in my ears when my heart started racing when my fiance finally asked, and let me hear what he was actually saying! Congrats on the upcoming engagement 🙂

gray15 :  

Post # 21
Member
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

“I am a tad alarmed that you have so much student loan debt that your husband will also need to contribute to your payments…”

Doesn’t seem that alarming to me. Shouldn’t her husband contribute to her student debt? I came out with about $250,000 in debt, I believe. It has never been a problem for me. I still meet all of my financial goals (mostly because of the education this debt provided me with). Unfortunately, high amounts of student debt is pretty typical.

Post # 22
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

mimivac :  No, I do not think that shomeone needs to depend on their SO to pay off their debts. Without him OP makes is seem as though shecannot afford to be independent and that is concerning. Who cares what level of education you have, if your salary is not enough to allow you to live independently while paying your loans then you made a poor choice. (ETA: your situation is different as you were able to meet your financial goals because your salary was enough for you to live on while paying your debt)

Her debt is not her husbands responsibility. God bless him for thinking it is and being to willing to assit. I would never be OK marrying someone who had so much debt that I was also responsible for it.

 

Post # 23
Member
829 posts
Busy bee

hmmm, I am technically waiting, but we have only been ring shopping, we dont have the ring just yet.so im not super anxious as i know that steps need to happen before i know the time is coming…but if my SO had the ring…no way id let him wait half a year to give it to me. 

 

In the meantime, id keep busy with this site but also with planning, and pinterest, and ideas of what you want or dont want and what type of wedding, etc 🙂

Post # 26
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

gray15 :  People, myself included, are only responding to the information you provided. Using words like “provide for me” is going to elicit a certain response. So is saying that you have debts that he needs to help you with.

On a side note I’m impressed that you’re going to be able to pay off your student loans so quickly! Again, that information given at the start would have cut down on the negative responses about your finances. 

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