- 10 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
This is a bit of an update. Any advice would mean a lot to me. I have to decide by tomorrow if I am going to have my big wedding with my family, as planned- or let my reservation fall through and do something else with just my Fiance and best friends.
I have sent save-the-dates. I have a $750 non-refundable deposit already down. Tomorrow I have to send another $750 (to my venue) if I am having the big family wedding. The problem is- my family.
Long story short- they hold me back and hurt me. I have spent much of my life putting them first. My Dad got out of jail last night and wanted to use my car and cell phone – the car just to get gas so he could go in his boat. He tried everything to get me to do what he wanted. And he just wanted to go goof off with me. He showed up out of nowhere, no warning, and I have my own things to deal with. I was able to stand up to him in the end after he tried to impose much guilt and trouble. It is very difficult to have parents with so many problems. I told him how I felt about the wedding and he shut down any of my feelings. I told him my sister, who is bi-polar was doing better (the last time I saw her) compaired to ever before and he (denies she is bi-polar although she has been in and out of mental inst. and has herself become aware) said that she never had a problem it was just me being in “little sister mode,” that she just had big sister-itis. Hm.
My mother ripped our family apart overnight when I was 6. We literally woke up in the car and had no idea what was going on and she was married that day to someone else. He was VERY abusive and killed all of my animals and later himself. Sorry this is so heavy.
Anyhow, she married again instantly and built a house in the backyard with her new husband and had a baby and my two older sister’s went off to college- all at once. Needless to say, yikes. The thing is- through all of this, I have been able to remain rational and I am extremely compassionate. Probably to a point of hurting myself. I have had to ALWAYS put them first. My mother was so needy, and my feelings have never been validated and they treat me very badly. We were moved around so many times that I have no home and was not able to establish lasting friendships until I met my fiance. (It has been hard.)
The problems continue. That is the real problem. My mother thrives off of hurting others, so there is always a problem, no matter how I try or believe there won’t be- there is always a problem. She can make anyone cry in three words. Her father did it to her, she does it to her daughters and even to strangers. It is as if she needs people to thrive off of.
Also, she did not send the $ for the second deposit to us and it is due on Monday (has to be sent tomorrow). (She promised it in March) I think the bottom line is- I am afraid not to have this wedding because it will be cutting a chain I have to them, in a way. But, I have always wanted to get away from them. I know there are rational reasons- like the money not being here- but they will not see any rational reason- they will insist I am doing it to hurt them (if I cancel the wedding). That, of course, is not my reason or intention. They only think of themselves. What should I do? I have always done everything for them, to avoid the thunder that they impose, but they do impose it anyway. If I try to scrape together the needed money, I will be late on rent. I just never want to hurt anyone, probably because I have been so hurt.
I want to believe in them, but they always disappoint me. Should I sacrifice myself so they can enjoy this wedding by making this deposit on my own? My mother said she would send it by the end of the month, but that is too late. Is it worth it anyway? Thank you for taking the time. This means a lot to me.