- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Alright, so here is a small amount of back story. My sister and I have never really been all that close, there was very little love in my family growing up so we were never really shown how to be true sisters to each other, so we weren’t. I always wanted to be her friend and be more sisterly, but she has always just been awful to me. Despite this though, I have ALWAYS been there for her. She had major surgery to remove a lung (she was only 21 at the time) and I was in her hospital room every day for over a month. Then she had her son 2 years ago and I was there for her during the whole pregnancy. She ended up moving out of state at the end of it and had her son out of state. Regardless, I flew out there and stayed with her for over a week to help with my nephew. (Also, during her pregnancy, our father was just awful to her. He harassed her daily and made her cry every day. Our father has always been an awful person, so that was the last straw for me. So, in light of that, him and I no longer have a relationship.) She ended up moving back in that time and again, I am always there when she needs me and that’s really the only time we talk; when she needs something from me. And since shes my sister, I always help her out.
Lately though, I have gotten tired of it, so I stopped making the effort to see her. I wanted to see if she would want to make the effort instead. And what do you know? We havent talked outside of a few small texts (her asking me for stuff and me telling her “no”) in the last 2-3 months. On November 9th, my boyfriend of 7 years finally popped the question. I was so excited that I sent my mother and my sister a text and photo right away. (it was somewhat later in the evening so I didnt call for that reason. But asked them to call me in the morning) And again, not much of a surprise but my sister has shown absolutely NO interest or excitement for my engagement. She didnt text me back or call me nor did she even respond to my facebook post about it. I have even seen her several times since during the holidays and not a single word about it.
In that time, I have gone and booked my venue (in Vegas, not in Denver where we live), booked the chapel and chosen bridesmaids. One of my bridesmaids is actually a friend of my sisters. They have been friends since they were 8 years old, so her friend is like a younger sister to me. She is also my hairdresser and we have become closer friends in the last 6 months. My sister and her though, have recently had a falling out. So they are no longer friends.
It really hurt my feelings that she wasn’t excited for me and I have spent a good portion of my engagement crying myself to sleep at night about it. Since I’m tired of being so sad about it, I decided to finally just tell her how I feel. So, earlier today, I decided to go over to her home and talk with her about it. I told her that I was upset that she showed zero interest or excitement for my wedding to which she never actually gave a reason for. But then comes out of left field and tells me that she is upset that I didn’t make her a bridesmaid. Honestly, I never thought she would want to be one, especially after everything I have mentioned. I apologize to her, because I am genuinely sorry that she’s upset, but I had no clue! She tells me that it doesnt matter if she’s been excited or not, that I should of made her one just because we are sisters. Which, to me, is just ridiculous; I want people in my wedding who are actually there for me and happy for me. So, I tell her that I can’t make her one now, not just because of the fact that I do not want to kick another girl out just to fit her in, but also because my chapel only allows 12 in the processional, and we have that number already with the bridal party, ourselves and our mothers.
I tell her that I really do want her involved though, because i always imagined that my sister would be there for my dress fitting and so on. She tells me no. Not because shes mad about her not being a bridesmaid, but because one of my bridesmaids is her ex-bestfriend and that she refuses to be near her. I tell her that her ex-bestfriend is my friend too so I’m not going to kick out of the wedding. To which she tells me that “she’s a hairdresser, she’s supposed to act excited for you.” I tell her that atleast her ex-bestfriend actually called me to congratulate me and has been there for me more than she has. To which she still makes the hairdresser excuse.
So anyway, my issue is that in order to make my sister happy or to even get her involved I am pretty much going to have make myself miserable or hurt someone elses feelings to do so. And that is something I would never do and I refuse to do. I’m just wondering if anyone else has ever had to deal with a similar issue? And how it worked out? I really just need someone to tell me that it’ll get better, or she’ll turn around or something. Because at this point, she is definitely not going to be in my wedding party and apparently she is not even going to be invloved in the planning or even come, even though I would like her to be involved in the latter two. I understand that her feelings are hurt, but honestly, if she did the same to me, I really would not be upset. In fact, I was 100% sure before today that I would not be in her bridal party if she got married. To me, what would be more important is that she is happy and getting married. I would not feel that I was entitled to be in her wedding just because we are sisters by blood.
On the bright side, and to end this with something postive. My fiance’s family has been great. There is some drama there too (because we are not doing a catholic wedding) but despite that, they are all excited and constantly asking us for details and progress in the planning. I am very happy to be marrying into a real family that actually treats each other like family and I am excited to start our own family.