(Closed) Any advice on an uninvolved sister?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sorry to hear about your dilemma with your sister. I wish I had a solution for you, but I don’t. I was raised in a very close family and both of my sisters are my matrons of home in wedding. I couldn’t decide which of the 2 I wanted as my matron of honor so I chose both of them. Even though one of them is out of state we communicate on a daily basiswhether it be face time, emaila phone call or a Facebook post. I want her involved in every decision. I also have acouson who is going to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. We grew up like sisters, but over the last 10 years we have been distant. Even though we haven’t been close, I wanted this experience to bring us closer together, like when we were younger. She was so happy she cried, she didn’t think I would want her to be part of my wedding. I talk to her at least twice a week now, before it was like twice in a 6 month period. I’m glad I made the decision to have her be a part of my wedding, we’re getting closer and I’m learning more about her. 

Post # 4
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am in the same boat as you. I get annoyed that i am always trying to see her and she blows me off. I through her a baby shower and she really didn’t care. I almost…ALMOST took her off my bm list but the day after i decited to do it ( I, like you, was just sick of trying to reach out to her) she texted and apologized for not returning calls and texts. ugh. I am sorry to say that though she will be in my bm party, i gave up trying to have a sister relationship with her. I will however never stop trying to spend time with my niece who is about 7 months old now. Not being able to be there all the time with my niece breaks my heart more than not having a relationship with my sister. I am sorry I have no advice, I can only say…”I’ve been there”

Post # 7
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Thought I would comment just to let you know that someone read and understood. I also had a rocky relationship with my sister growing up. Mine came through for me big time. The thing is, I can see sometimes that it is hard for her. She’s trying and I feel bad about it. Sometimes she says some hurtful or offensive things and I just shrug it off until she’s not within ear range. I don’t know if there’s a solution for your problem here, but maybe that’s a silver lining for you. If she had been more involved from her own initiative it may have been really hard for her and tough on your relationship in a different way.

Post # 9
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

To the OP – I have a similar situation in that my sister and I are not close and there’s been a lot of family drama over her wedding last year and now mine.  She is not my maid of honor but she is a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  

 

I think the bottom line is (and some people may disagree with me) you have to do what makes YOU happy.  For me, not having a ton of contact with my family is how I have chosen to deal with it, because every time I talk to them I come away crying and I get upset.  It’s been going on for years and finally I just had enough and I choose happiness.  It hurts me that I’m not close with my sister and my family but I have my FH now and someday we will have our own family.  You have to find happiness where you can and do what’s best for you, and not to please other people.

Post # 10
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

@Setsuna22:  I could have written this post. Long story short-my sister and I grew up very close. But we had a falling out 2 years ago that lead to her saying horrible things about my fiance and I. Ive had a really hard time planning the wedding without my sister involved. I am hurt and angry, but at the same time, I miss her. I recently got in touch with her (like you, I ALWAYS have to be the one to reach out first), and after 10 minutes of her bashing my fiance, she said that she wanted to be in the wedding.

As it stands right now, she isn’t in the wedding. I want people who love both of us and who are excited for us to stand up with us. However, in the back of my mind I am really struggling with my decision and I don’t want to have any regrets down the line.

I wish I had advice for you, but I do sympathsize. Good luck.

Post # 11
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh I have a whole family like that. Out of 5 siblings, only one brother came to my daughter’s funeral and  attended my wedding. I learned a LONG time ago that “blood” does not always count when you need someone in your corner. I haven’t a clue why our family is not close at all (I am the youngest of the bunch). I have nieces, nephews, cousins and I would never recognize if I fell over them.

I have friends I consider family, I am called “Aunt” by their children. They can count on me, I can count on them. After DECADES of trying to get my family to at least correspond with me, I said “Screw Y’all” and moved on. I don’t need people like that in my life!

Post # 13
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I feel your pain. I have a sister who told me she “couldn’t” be in my wedding because she is starting a business with her boyfriend, and she wouldn’t have any time. My whole family in general just doesn’t seem very excited for me. It hurts, I’m not going to lie. I’m so thankful for my future in laws they honestly feel more like family.

 I agree with the others you have to do what makes you happy, and realize it’s your sister that is missing out.

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