(Closed) Any advice on bringing up the marriage topic?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Get on the same page about a timeline. Tell him why it’s important to you to get married, and he will understand.

Post # 5
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@pinkgreenandyellow:  Just curious, do you guys share the same religion and does he know how important marriage is to you in your belief spectrum?

Post # 6
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I mean, you live together, and you have a child… marriage can’t be that far from his mind! It might be nerve-wracking to bring it up, but just remember why you want to, and that should help!

Post # 6
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012
Post # 8
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Good luck, let us know how it goes.

Post # 9
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Here is my take on this.  You and your Fiance sound very much like me and mine.  Soulmates, without a doubt.  In our relationship he brought up the topic of marriage first but I brought up the topic of “when” first.  After a short while I started to get the clue that I was going to have to wait until he was ready, for his own reasons.  Not that he didn’t love me enough but he had his timeline in his head about when he wanted to propose.  And six months after that last conversation about timing, he did propose.  Those six months were pretty long, in my eyes, anyway, because I already knew he was The One and that we were meant to be.  It took him a little longer, he thinks slightly more with his head and I think slightly more with my heart and intuition.  Your Fiance may have a plan in his mind and the desire to propose to you in his own time and in his own way.  I don’t mean to offend, but your religious issues are just that, yours.  Not his.  You could always ask him to move out if you can’t deal with your perception of living in sin.  But it’s completely unfair to ask another person to do something you want done just because of your personal belief. 

You said:  The problem is I’ve recently been trying to mend my relationship with God and the fact that there is no ring, no talk of a ring yet… It’s effecting my conscience. I already know he’s the one I want and he says he knows I’m the one he wants. I am tired of waiting, I’m tired of feeling guilty, I want to make it right. I’ve told him all of this before but I was in a bad place at the time. Now I’m in a much better place and kind of feel like this is a major thing holding me back from the person I want to be. 

I’m sorry, but to me all of that sounds like your problem, not his.  And it also sounds somewhat manipulative.  Besides, how do you go about “mending” a relationship with God?  Have you done something so unforgivable?  If so, why aren’t you in prison?  Please understand, I think to him it may sound as though you’re using religion as an excuse to pressure him into proposing.  And he probably wants to propose anyway!  My advice would be to keep your religious beliefs to yourself, between you and God.

There is no cut and dried right and wrong.  Don’t forget that many wars are fought over religion and intolerance.  He may want to feel that deep down in your heart and soul he is worth more to you than anything on earth and that you are completely willing to wait for him to be ready.  And that you have faith and trust in a loving and forgiving God to understand the hearts of both of you.  If you really believe you will be condemned by God for him not marrying you soon enough, imagine how that might make him feel.  Put yourself in his place.  Respect this man that you say you love more than anything and allow him to work things out in his own heart and mind in his own time.  I bet anything God will understand.  Be blessed.

Post # 10
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

If you two are the same religion and have the same baliefs/ values it should be pretty easy to bring up. Just say how you are getting less and less conmfortable living out- of- wedlock. Then ask if he sees the situation changing soon. This should start a conversation about dates and timing. If he already brings up marriage then he wont be uncomfortable with you bringing it up.

Dont worry, it’ll work out! He’s already talked to his mom about a ring so he’s pretty serious about this relationship.

Post # 11
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

It sounds like the two of you have a great relationship. Just tell him that you want to talk about your hopes and dreams for the future, and then tell him what you told us. If the two of you are so intune that you can finish each others sentences, then it’s likely he will have thought about this too.

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

You’re right- you shouldn’t sacrifice your religion for a relationship.  You have to stick up for your beliefs and what you think is right.  If he is as good of a guy as you say he is he will respect this.  I am assuming from your post that you have come to the belief that sex outside of marriage is a sin?  If that’s what you mean, then as difficult as this is I would move out or at the very least stop sleeping together.  Don’t assume that getting engaged will make this problem go away.  You guys not being totally on the same page with religion is not something you should gloss over.

I don’t think this course of action is manipulative- you aren’t telling him what he has to do, just taking responsibility for your own actions.  I realize this is going to be a challenging thing to work through; praying that you can have the strength you need and supportive people around you who can support you in your beliefs.  Hopefully you can also get some advice from your pastor or priest about how to handle this situation.

Post # 14
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

Did you get a chance to talk to him about your concerns?

The topic ‘Any advice on bringing up the marriage topic?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors