(Closed) Any advice on helping conquer procrastination with your partner?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6742 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Jamergurl921:  Never ever do it yourself.  Lesson #1 – that teaches him that if he keeps putting it off, it will somehow get taken care of on its own.  You don’t want that. 

What sorts of things are you asking for him to do?  Is it like chores?  My Fiance and I kinda have set tasks (he does laundry, I fold, etc).  So you could do that. 

Also, when you ask for something done, you should probably give a deadline.  This will probably keep him from procrastinating so much that it never gets done. 

Consider getting a white board or something for your house in a place where you can write To Dos for him and he can check them off.  This way, if you ask him to do something, he can’t just forget.  Put it near his xbox or something.

Hope these suggestions help!

Post # 5
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

I will be following this thread closely. I have no tips as this is an ongoing issue in our house.

The white board is a GREAT idea!

Post # 6
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have this issue as well.  And it was terrible during the wedding planning.  I needed his help with things and wanted to be able to get things off my plate and delegate to him but I had to keep babysitting him about the tasks because they were never getting done!  And we fought.  He gets annoyed with me asking him if he’s done it yet, but then other times I find him saying…”why didn’t you remind me?!”  I shouldn’t have to remind a man who is almost 30 every single time I ask him to do something!

He has always struggled with getting things done and hates that he is not motivated but it doesn’t seem to be something that he is changing.  I agree with you also, I feel bad like I am making him feel bad about himself or takling down to him. Not sure how to combat this.

The option to not do it myself doesn’t exist because they are things that need to get done!  I’ve tried putting a joint to do list on our phones, he has his own little list that are his to dos, but that still doesn’t give him the motivation to get them done. 

The white board is a good idea so that he sees it every day.  But we have people over a lot and don’t necessarily want a huge white board with all our to-dos on it. Maybe we could get some kind of crafty drape cover for it or something?

 

Post # 8
Member
6742 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@srm8322:  You can always just take it down and put it away when company comes by.  I did make my own dry erase board and that’s pretty – you can put any sort of paper you want in the frame.  Here’s how

Post # 9
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I have this problem. Luckily it is getting better for me. Our biggest battle was Fiance picking up after himself. One hormonal day, I got so mad he had this sh*t all over the living room, I grabbed a garbage bag, thru his stuff in it and took it out to the pail. Since then, the procastination is at a minimum (thank goodness)!

Post # 10
Member
8449 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Jamergurl921:  *HUGS* my Fiance is the same way, and it drives me crazy.  I don’t have advice, just sympathy.

Post # 11
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I find that giving one (small) task at a time to him helps not to overwhelm him. Also, if something is important to me, I say “this is important to me” if i feel like he might blow it off.

For whatever reason, I dont think the male species is designed to multi task, I’m sure some can, but mostly-not so much. Especially when they are pressured or being told what to do. I get really good results with “honey can you help me and take out the trash” or “honey, can you look at this wording for our invites”… rather than a list of things or overcomplicating things. Also, letting them do it on their own time seems to help (no nagging) just give them a timeline. “the trash is picked up in the morning” so they know when they can complete the task by-without you hounding, even though it makes more sense to me to do things right away, and not procrastinate, I dont think all brains are wired the same way and I also think wedding-related items are more important for us gals because we can see the big picture from the start, as to where I dont think it really hits the guys until it gets closer to the event. Same with babies, I dont think they really get it until sometimes as late as them holding the child. Has to be something with the wiring in the brain. I firmly believe sometimes that they really can’t help it. Just my opinion though.   Good luck, I feel’ya.

Post # 12
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

@babbot:  I agree that they seem to do better when we ask them to do 1 specific thing at a time. However, my problem is that Im with another adult who can look around and see HIS dishes in the sink (which is next to the dishwasher) and HIS shoes and nasty socks strewn about (my fav is in front of the front door), and HIS wet towels left in the bedroom (not in the bathroom or dirty clothes bin). He knows what needs to be done and I hate having to hold his hand like he’s 5. These are men we are dealing with, not children and I hate having to treat him like his flipping mother does. Thats not good for our sex life and honestly not fair to me.

 

Post # 13
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

If this happens to him in all areas of life, is it possible he has ADD?

 

Post # 15
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Jamergurl921:  hah!  I would say that we do have the same husband too!  But I can confirm by looking at your profile picture that we don’t.  🙂  funny that we live so close to eachother too. 

I’ve done the exact same thing you have by talking to him as an adult and say its something I want to work on together and try to come up with ideas for it together.  I’m not wanting it to be me against him or anything.  I think the reason he puts it on me and says that I make him feel like a horrible person is because he is embarrassed himself that he isn’t acting like an adult and getting things done and cleaning up after himself so he needs to be defensive so he doesn’t completely feel terrible?  I’m not sure.

Getting him to help with our thank you cards was like pulling teeth as well!  It was like he expected me to do all them just like I did everything for the wedding.

And I have to say, I am no angel.  I have my faults as well.  No one is perfect.  I waited so long to send something in for my passport that they closed the application and didn’t refund my money.  If I want another one, I have to pay the money again.  And this is also why we went to Puerto Rico for our honeymoon.  No passport needed.  And it is true that he never gave me a hard time about that.  But it is still something we should work on together.

Post # 16
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I just keep bringing it up and eventually he will do it. For instance, it has taken him 2 months to read the introduction of this baby book I want him to read. All I have been asking him to read is the intro, not the whole book. He says he doesn’t have time, yet he has time to be on his pc 24-7 and play guitar. FINALLY last weekend we spend time outside, and I brought out a book. He brought out his pc and eventually went in, grabbed the book and read the chapter. HALLELUIAH! 

So ya, I just nag away until it gets done.

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