(Closed) Any advice on helping conquer procrastination with your partner?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
9799 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Haha…YES…this is the only reoccuring thing that constantly bugs the hell out of me.  Socks everywhere, shoes everywhere, clothes everywhere, papers everywhere.  Just a complete MESS. 

He doesn’t like that I nag him about it but HELLO I wouldn’t have to ask you more than once OR AT ALL if you would just PICK UP AFTER YOURSELF LIKE AN ADULT!  He’s usually playing a game on the computer so he ignores it.

So I just nag.

He will do things like vacuum if I ask him to…but he’s a complete MESS otherwise.

Post # 18
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I usually remind him over and over again. whenever he gets pissed about my nagging, I tell him that I wouldn’t have to nag if he got it done the first time I asked or with one reminder.

Post # 19
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Is your Fiance competitive at all? I ask because I *may* be the procrastinator in our relationship (hangs head in shame lol) and that’s what motivates me. 

 

When it started to really get down to crunch time for the wedding and Fiance realized I was procrastinating, we put together a giant list of everything that needed to be done (not kust by me, but everything that needed to be done for the wedding)  We then put it on a giant chalkboard in my kitchen. This helped a lot cause I could actually see what needed to be done and felt a real sense of accomplishment when I could cross something off the list. 

 

What really pushed me though was when Fiance ‘challenged’ me with something on the list. Something like “Bet you can’t cross off 5 things in the next 3 days!” or “I think I can cross off more things on the list this week than you can!”. Ok, it sounds a little childish when I write it out like that, but it works! Obviously, it won’t work for everyone, but it’s an option. 

 

Good luck!

Post # 20
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@smiles4jo:  I think that’s a great way to do it for competitive couples 🙂

Post # 21
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

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@kes18:  &
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@strawbs: I feel your pain. If you figure out a way to NOT nag drop me a line. I totally do it. And whats funny is that I HATE repeating myself… in any situation. Its actually a pet peeve of mine and caused me to not go into teaching when thats what I went to college for!!

Post # 22
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Beautiful Bluegrass:  in my case I just let it be. I find he responds better knowing that I only asked him to do it once because I trust he’ll get it done on time. he has always been a procrastinator, but it makes him feel good that I defend him against his parents, who seem to not give him any credit for getting things done on time, as well as trust him. I rarely nag these days.

Post # 23
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

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@strawbs:  So if he leaves his shoes in the hallway or dirty plates around the house do you only ask once? Does he take care of it right away (within a few hours)? Because these are the sort of things Im talking about. I dont want to nag, but taking care of both mine and HIS stuff is old. And I wonder what it will be like when we have children.

Post # 24
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Beautiful Bluegrass:  He takes a day to take care of it, and I’m okay with that. He puts his shoes where I dictated he put them so no issue there either. I was a real big nagger, but we talked about it and he said that he’s more likely to get things done and done faster if I show that I trust he will.

So I did, and he has.

Post # 26
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

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@Jamergurl921:  Wow… I have a feeling we are all dating/married/engaged to that man. LOL! It doesnt even bother me anymore. Mine is a napper. It DRIVES ME CRAZY! Babies nap, not adults. 

ive broken things for him down into managable chunks. Execpt for when i wanted the kitchen. While his mom was in town we all decided to CUT OFF THE PENNISULA AND RIPPED IT OUT!!! 

HAHA kitchen was finished in two weeks because he hates living in construction. and i stopped doing the dishes and cleaning for a week so he would hook up the dishwasher but then he just did the dishes himself… not a bad thing though.

 

You have to learn what motivates them and work with that. 

Post # 27
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Jamergurl921:  haha I am! sometimes it irks me that it’s not done soon enough, but he gets it done when he says he’s going to (like literally “I’m gonna do the dishes tonight”). he still procrastinates it to the point he has to stay up late to do the dishes, but they get done when he says they will.

Post # 28
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I cannot even begin to express how many times I nearly wrote this exact thread in the last few months. I adore DH, but he cannot seem to get things done. I have tried lists. I have tried reminding him. I have tried not reminding him. I have tried using his own suggestions. I have tried begging. I have tried doing it all. I have tried doing nothing. I have tried deadlines. I have tried holding his hand. I have tried letting him get to things on his own schedule. 

I finally broke down the other night. Again. He feels terrible that he causes me so much stress, but there are no changes. He does have ADHD, and he does have medication, but, you guessed it, he doesn’t get around to taking that either. 

He gets upset because I’ll be all lovey over text all day, and then I get home and he hasn’t done anything and I get upset. I’ll start cleaning at 3 a.m. (I work late), and he gets angry because he said he’d do it. Ladies, he can sit on a task for weeks to months, and by then he’s sitting on a lot of tasks and gets overwhelmed and doesn’t do anything. And he gets defensive if I offer to help, or if I just do the stuff anyway. 

I am out of ideas, and I don’t have time to hold his hand through his responsibilities and handle all my own stuff. I love him to death, but I’m just at a loss. 

(Sorry for any typos. I can’t believe how bad this is on an iPhone!)

Post # 29
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Jamergurl921:  this is my Fiance. Seriously. His memory is so poor and I have to remind him numerous times to do/pick up something. He will sit with his laptop all day if possible. I am trying a whiteboard, but sometimes he doesn’t look at it!

Post # 30
Member
3354 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

my DH and I use a whiteboard too, and it’s in the entryway when we walk in the door because it’s also the last thing we look at as we walk out the door. I don’t think it should really be something to be embarrassed about because seriously, everybody has to-do lists 🙂

Post # 31
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I read each and every comment, just shocked that everyone just described my husband also. Makes me feel better that I’m not alone. UGH, so we’re not supposed to nag them, we should act as if we trust they will get it done..but then they NEVER F*&%[email protected] do!!! RAAAAWWWR.

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