Post # 1
SO and I have been dating for 3 years, I have been waiting impatiently now for about 4 months. Over the weekend one of my younger cousins got married and two of my other younger cousins got engaged! One has been dating a guy for not even a year and this is her first boyfriend she has ever had. I JUST DO NOT GET IT. I do not know how to handle the jealously I feel towards everyone getting engaged. My mom is always so critical of asking me when I am going to get engaged and I know after all the events this weekend she will be even more on my case.
I do not know what the boyfriend is waiting on but I just feel so angry seeing everyone else around me get engaged while I just sit here. I honestly try to just block it out of my mind and be happy with the present but I find it extremely hard to do most days.
Post # 2
Remind yourself that others have absolutely nothing to do with you. Nothing. In no way. They arent getting engaged in place of you- the two events are irrelevant.
I would do two things : one, make sure youre not waiting in vain. Is it happening? Is he into it? Does he imply its coming?
If yes, then: two, STFU. Distract yourself. Focus on what youre grateful for and the excitement. Be HAPPY for others, be confident. Focus on fitness (that helped me in many ways) or some kind of other personal goal.
If no, then dump him. If hes not sure now after 3 years*, then you deserve better.
*if you are both over 27 years of age
Post # 3
Why have you been waiting for 4 months specifically? Did he give you a timeline? Did you choose a ring? Just want to know to give more helpful advice!
Post # 4
My advice is to get a hobby. I don’t mean that in a snarky way, but you need to find ways to occupy your time and your mind so that you are not focusing on wanting to be married all the time. Also, try examining why it is that you are so focused on getting engaged right now. What do you think will change in your life?
Post # 5
I agree with the first commenter. I have really taken up fitness to get a head start for when we do finally get engaged. my bf has really kept me on my toes about it all.. he asked for a link to a ring I like and my size 4 months ago and there have been a few major romantic moments he could have popped the question but didn’t! and he’s always teasing me with comments about how my finger will look so nice with a ring on it or how im going to love my quarter machine ring. he even went out of his way all on his own to call a couple of places we talked about having our reception to get prices! but still no ring and no engagement. its been one hell of a motivation to get fit though!
Post # 6
You know you can step out if society expectations and ask him to marry you? Youre an equal part of the relationship so why does he get to decide when things move on? If you really want to get married, ask him.
Post # 7
I would first talk with him about his intentions, timeline etc. to make sure that you’re not waiting for something that is never going to occur. I am continually amazed at the number of women who wait despite all the evidence pointing to their bf’s not wanting to marry them. Denial is a powerful thing. If he can’t give you a straight answer after 3 years, consider yourself warned and act accordingly.
Hint: “Someday when the timing is right”, “When we’re making more money”, “After I’m more settled in my job” and “after we buy a house” are not straight answers.
Post # 8
We spoke in February and he stated it would be within the year. In about May he told me he wanted for us to just go away to the beach and get married. I told him I was open to doing that, but I still wanted a proposal, to pick out a wedding dress with my mom and sisters, and for our immediate family to be there. I do not think he wants a large wedding which is fine with me. Both of our families are very traditional so living together or me asking him are out of the question. And truth is, I want him to ask when he is ready. We both have great jobs, he owns a house. Money is not an issue. It is just he wants to do it when he is ready which I respect and understand.
BUT THE WAITING. Oh the waiting is killing me. I am a planner. I like to have a plan or even an idea of a plan so the waiting and not knowing is very hard. We talk about our future being married and having a family all of the time. Both of us have the same intentions for our future together. I just feel like we are at a standstill. I do not want to get engaged for the wedding, I honestly could care less. I want the marriage so I can see him everyday. Cook for him everyday. Remodel his house together (which he said we can start on when we get engaged).
Post # 9
waitingintn: I am in the same boat. Every weekend I see on social media, another person is engaged. I am on a rollercoaster of emotions that I’m excited to get engaged but also resentful waiting for it to happen. I know it is a big decision and he will do it when the time is right for him but I am not sure what I can do to make it any better. I have not brought it up to him since he bought the ring because I don’t want to seem concerned. I just hate knowing that it’s constantly on my mind.
Post # 10
doberman: hahaha you’re right!
Post # 11
It is very hard to deal with others getting engaged. I totally feel you on the family pressure. Every birthday, holiday, or mini getaway my mom is instantly like “WHERE IS THE RING.” what ring? “THE ENGAGEMENT RING.” I didnt get one… “oh……”
Post # 12
having waited for my Fiance to propose for over 8 years, I know what you’re feeling. But you cant compare your boyfriend or relationship to anyone else. Guys will do it when they are ready, and it will be perfect and you will instantly feel like it was worth the wait. Hang in there, if hes worth spending the rest of your life with then it’s worth waiting for the ring – don’t be resentful and angry when it doesn’t happens at the “perfect” moments – the moment it happens it will be perfect for YOU. every moment – engaged married or dating is still time together. Enjoy it 😉
Post # 13
I definitely know this feeling! In May of this year I started working out again and joined a sand volley ball team. This was my way of finding a hobby and focusing on myself rather than putting so much energy into when we are going to get engagegd. I even went a Facebook hiatus because it was so overwhelming to see people getting engaged/married/have babies left and right! 4 months later we picked out a ring together and got engaged over labor day weekend! We have been together for 6 years. Patience my dear!
Post # 14
It is tough – I did the same as Mastiff089 and ditched Facebook for a while. I definitely felt calmer.
The difference in my situation is that we do live together albeit in rented accomodation.
How do I cope with it? I go through phases of being OK and phases of it getting me down (usually when somebody I know has just gotten married/engaged). I have found that venting here is good and I’ve had some excellent words of wisdom too. One poster in particular struck a chord and I have decided that there are no more hints, just direct questions. I don’t want to be a nag and I won’t demand a proposal (once I really am done waiting, I will do the proposal myself) but I would like some more information pleaseandthankyou.
Like you I am a planner. I don’t dislike surprises when they happen but I hate waiting for them and knowing I’m not in control, if that makes sense?