(Closed) Help! Husband just admitted he is an alcoholic. Advice?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this but I certainly think there is hope. changing habits and the way we deals with situations/emotion can be hard to face but is not impossible. I would recommend you get him a book called “Easyway to control alcohol”. It is brilliant And i stongly reccommend it! I say this as I used to have drinking problem myself but that book was what turned it around and finally gave me the tools to stop and to change my relationship with alcohol. My SO was also very supportive and didnt touch any alcohol either for about 2 years to help me through the process. you can get the book off Amazon for a couple if bucks. 

Best of luck, stay strong.

Post # 18
169 posts
Blushing bee

My father has been an alcoholic for as long as I know of. he does not drink hard alchohol, but beer.  And I’m talking like one of those extra large sized cases of old syle every single day beginning usually around 9 am and passing out around 3 pm.  I wish my mother would have been any kind of forceful in getting him to seek treatment or having she, myself, and my sister leave. I have been in therapy for a long, long time, working to accept my father, and forgive my mother for having us stay.  I have been very very lucky in the sense that he is, and never has been abusive, only very verbally combative and clutzy.  I am completely sober because I fear that i would become an alcoholic myself.

He suffered from a heart attack, and while hospitalized, went through alcohol withdrawal.  it was the most terrifying time of my life. Ever seen “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew”? it was like that.   I did not know until then that alcohol withdrawal can literally kill you. he refuses to seek treatment because he does not believe he has a problem.  

That being said, and only from my non-professional yet lived through it experience, it is a remarkable gift that your husband ADMITS there is a problem.  That is huge.  I believe you need to seek therapy, attend some Al-Anon meetings (and I know how hard that first one is to go to), and commit your life with him to be completely sober. For a long time, do not attend anywhere where your friends are drinking. The hard thing about him not seeking any kind of professional guidance is that you would not want him to swap the alcohol addiction for an addiciton to something else.  I would never tell you to leave him UNLESS you 1)have children and 2)he refuses to stop or get help or 3)he switches the addiction to be something equally as destructive.  

I understand so fully what it is to live with someone whose life is alcohol.  I am so sorry you are experiencing this. There is hope if you both are willing to commit to what needs to be done.  please PM me if you ever want to talk to someone.  

Post # 19
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t really have any advice but I think that it’s a huge step that he has admitted that he has a problem. I think that is the most important step! Just support him and I wish you and him the best!

Post # 20
2567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Living with someone who is going through physical withdrawal can be pretty unpleasant, depending on how extreme the dependency is. He may just be cranky/angry/grumpy; he may become dehydrated; he may vomit, maybe a little, maybe a lot, and he may get the shakes, convulsions, seizure, migraine. His heart rate may go too high. Other symptoms: depression (can be severe), nightmares/night terrors, mood swings, dizziness/vertigo . Withdrawal from any chemical dependancy is very hard on the body and the mind.

As for AA being cult-like, some people do object to the heavy religious message in AA, but a lot of the experience will depend on his actual group, the group leader, and most importantly the sponsor. I know that some people do quit drinking or drugs without these types of programs, but the odds are quite against the addict without some sort of support network. Counseling or therapy is a must, both for the addict and those close to the addict, but the AA-type meetings can provide that, even if not formal therapy. He will have a better chance of quitting for good if he goes to some sort of therapy and some sort of group meetings. The relapse rate for alcoholics is pretty high among those who go to therapy and support groups; it’s even higher among those who try to quit on their own.

Post # 21
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My Fiance is an alcoholic.  He doesnt drink every day since I have met him (but he did before that), at first I thought the drinking lots was because we were 22 and just having fun.  We have 2 kids now, and he continued to drink heavy on weekends even after they were born, and it was making him really sick, vommiting blood, ulcers,he would piss the bed, puke in everything and everywhere.

Anyway, weve been together 5 years.  The past 3, really since our son was born, has been really shitty to say the least.  We almost did not make it through all that shit. Then I had enough, and he left for a month to go to his parents, right before Christmas. New years of last year he stopped drinking and came back home to us.  He relapsed the night before Easter and got in a car accident and is now going through a trial and may have to go to jail.  The lawyer is costing us over $20,000.  Not to mention all the other shit weve been through.  Anyway, I didnt really want to bring that up on these boards, but I completely understand how you feel.

So, since that horrible night he has quit drinking, aside from 2 relapses.  He now realizes he really does have a problem, and does everything he can to stay away from triggers.  Its tough, I dont understand what he goes through because I dont drink.  I also am choosing not to drink anymore for support, even though I dont drink anyway lol It just kind of helps to tell people “we dont drink”. 

But you know, I know people, including my family, wonder why the hell I am still with him.  He is an alcoholic.  He has been sober for 6 months. Unfortunately it took an accident for him to realize his problem.  I still love him, I always will. He is the father of my 2 children, and I will stand by him 100%. 

You just need to support your husband.  That is what he needs, do whatever you can to help him.  Try to understand the mood swings are because he is physically and mentally in pain because he is an alcoholic. It is hard, reallllly hard. But he can do it, and you being beside him 100% will make your relationship even stronger than it is. With time he will realize that he actually really does have a problem (he probably doesnt 100% believe it right now, even though he tells you he does).If he needs to go to AA, then help him find the meetings.  Drive him there, encourage him.  You stop drinking too.  Dont go out with friends if theyre drinking.  Dont go to places to eat that most people would drink alcohol with (that was big for us, we just dont go to restaurants anymore… kid friendly places only now) And most importantly create new habits, and find new things to do.  Friday nights were always the hardest for my Fiance, so he started working Saturdays so he wouldnt go out partying.  Over time the urge to go out Friday has settled down, but once in a while he has a bad day and wants to go out so we do something else.

Anyway I am rambling now lol  if you ever want to talk just pm me!  Hang in there!


Post # 22
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t know where you live, but my father is a recovered alcohol and has connections with a fantastic rehab center.  If you’re interested in hearing more, PM me about it.

Your husband needs to get help. Like people above have said, there’s a reason he became an alcoholic and he will be an alcoholic forever.  If he thinks he can just stop, he’s wrong. 

If you need anything, message me and I’d be happy to help.

Post # 23
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

Ny daughter is a recovering alcoholic/addict. With the support of AA and her AA friends, she has been sober for 5+ years. 

Two things I learned during her drinking/drug years–1.You can’t force him to seek help 2. The first attempt to quit is rarely successful.

I disagree with the PPs who stated he has to see a doctor or therapist, but I do agree that  sobriety is difficult to achieve/maintain without help. I know a few people who gained sobriety on their own, but most have told me that they were not able to do it on their own. Help comes in many forms-therapists (who will most likely also direct him to AA), rehab-either in patient or out-patient (that would be the decision of the rehab intake specialist) or AA.

Until he is willing to seek help, I agree with the urging of others that you attend al-anon meetings. 

If there’s anything I can help you with, please PM me and I wish you the best.

Post # 24
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

like pp said al-anon they have support for you. they’ll help you WAY more than we can. good luck!

Post # 25
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Oh! The other thing I forgot to mention is that detoxing is VERY, VERY dangerous.  That’s part of the reason that he really needs to get professional help. In fact, rehab centers would prefer that you show up with alcohol in your system because people die detoxing all the time.

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