(Closed) Any and ALL tips please, I have no clue what I’m doing!!!! :-O

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@pinkgreenandyellow:  I’d start by finding a good wedding planning book. A wedding coordinator might be the greatest thing ever for you – or it might end up getting you on the hook for a lot of unnecessary stuff and a huge price tag. I’d say for sure do a little research by reading a book or two before you start talking to wedding planners. That way, you’ll have a little more of an idea of what you do and don’t want, and the clearer you are on that, the better your experience working with a wedding coordinator will be, if you decide to go that route.

A wedding gets as complicated as you make it, or allow it to get. If you decide what your priorities are and are fine with jettisoning the things you don’t care about, it’s possible (although I wouldn’t say easy) to keep it relatively simple and affordable. Relatively. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Wedding coordinators exist in order to deal with complications – and so having one almost automatically increases the level of complexity involved. But if your wedding is going to be complex anyway, then it can be hugely helpful to have one. Only you are really in a position to know – and only after you do some research into the options and some thinking about what you want.

One thing to be aware of: wedding magazines and websites like The Knot are vehicles for advertisers, and so if you use them, take everything they say with a grain of salt. They depend on their advertising sponsors for their very existence, so they are never going to bite the hand that feeds them and recommend genuinely cheap or free wedding options if they would compete with something being advertised in their pages/on the site. Just sayin’ …

Post # 4
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

yay im lost just like you lol

Post # 5
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

Before you do ANYTHING and I mean anything at all (including looking for ideas) sit down with your Fiance / family (if they are paying) and discuss a an approximate number of people and a budget. Weddings don’t have to be huge, they don’t have to be tiny. but if you are going to have a wedding, with our without a planner involved you need to know what YOU want before everyone else starts telling you what you want.

Have a budget? have an approximate number of guests? now start thinking of what you want your big day to be. This is, if you need to, you can call a wedding planner in to the mix. but if you pull one in before hand you are going to get what THEY want your day to be and not what you want to be. It doesn’t have to be specific, it can be as vague as “I want a party for 100 of my friends and family with a fancy dinner and live music” or ” I want to have 100 of my closest friends over for a giant BBQ and we will play yard games” it doesn’t matter what it is, but after you determine that you are set to read wedding books, look through magazines, browse the lovely help on the bee or whatever. but make sure you have those things ironed out unless you want to get sucked involuntairly in to wedding vortex of crazy…. it happens to everyone… but try to prevent it as best you can.

Post # 6
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My three most important bits of advice:

#1 Pay for it yourself. Even if it means it’s smaller or less fancy than you want. Even if it means you have to wait a long while to actually do it. If someone wants to give you a financial gift, accept it graciously, but be very aware that there can (or maybe WILL) be strings attached: guests that you don’t know or don’t like, taking away seats for your actual friends; specific themes, styles, events, etc. Perhaps the #1 most common rant on this site is “my mother/father/future in-laws/anyone else with a checkbook says I have to invite their work friends/get married in a church/wear a big dress/wear a small dress/100 other things I hate.” When someone else is paying, they get some control. If you can’t afford the wedding you want, then throw the wedding you can afford.

#2 Keep your wedding party small. You do not need every female relative old enough to walk to be in the wedding, your fiancรฉ doesn’t need enough groomsmen to start a football team. More people = more money, more stress, more people to disagree on things. Be very selective. It seems like complaints about the bridal party are just as common as complaints about people forcing their opinions on the bride by way of checkbook. (Aside: bridesmaids are really only required to show up, look as nice as they can, and participate in the actual wedding. They may choose and offer to help in hundreds of ways but they’re not required to make your favors, throw you a party, or anything else. Be nice to your friends and don’t treat them like hired help.)

#3 know the difference between a “want” and a “need”, and set some priorities on your wants. You really only need a wedding license, an officiant and a witness to get married. Everything else is a want. Before you commit to anything, decide which things you want the most and which things are just nice to have.

As for the specifics— engagement party, bachelor/bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners— that’s up to you. Although the traditional bridal shower is the one thing that most folks agree should not be thrown by the bride. Everything else…. That’s entirely up to you. You can host those, have someone else host those, or skip them. Whatever you want to do.

Post # 7
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

There are tons of good hints on here and on other wedding blogs. If you google any one of your individual answers, you’ll find at least a few good answers. The priorities to planning should be 1) budget, 2) guest list, 3) venue. Then things like photographer, music, officiant. Once you have the big things booked, you can work on the details– how you want things to look, the order of the ceremony, what happens when at the reception, what people wear. It looks like you have 11 months to plan, so right now I’d try to nail down those big things before you worry about smaller details. Some venues and vendors can book a year out, so it’s important to figure those out first. Then, just start looking at lots of wedding pictures (pinterest is great for this, and the recaps section here) and see what you like and what is do-able within your skills and budget.

Post # 10
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Definitely come up with a guest list and a rough estimate for your budget. Next, prioritize what is and is not important to you for YOUR day. Do not listen to any of your family member’s advice or you will end up having a wedding for THEM instead of for you and your Fiance. 

 

Start planning well in advance, and honestly, don’t fret the small stuff. I did for the longest time up until this past week or so – the wedding is in like 3 and a half days – and I stayed a nervous wreck. But I definitely don’t think a wedding planner is necessary. I’ve only been to what you called “smaller not so wedding like weddings” myself, and I planned mine without a “wedding planner.” Just stay calm and don’t be afraid to have people help you. TONS of family members are helping me to pull together the big day. =)

Post # 13
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Let me know if you need help with something in particular.  I worked for a caterer/wedding planner for several years and have planned a ton of weddings.  I’m in school now so I’m not working but I’m happy to answer questions.  In general, this is an overview of a wedding

1)bridal shower- you invite your family and friends, and get gifts.  Most brides register for gifts ahead of time.  Your mother, sister, maid of honor or someone usually organizes and hosts this.

2) Rehersal dinner- the day before your wedding, you usually go to the venue and walk through the ceremony.  This way you have an idea of where to stand what to do etc.  Some brides choose to host the rehersal dinner afterwards.  The guests at this include at least the wedding party (bride groom, maids, parents etc).  If you have a lot of out of town guests its nice to inculde them so they don’t have to look for a place to eat, but its not mandatory.  

3)Wedding day- you go to venue.  guests sit down.  groom and groomsmen enter, ring bearer and flower girl enter, bridesmaids enter, bride enters.  Ceremony follows.  After ceremony reception follows.  

Optional stuff-

engagement party (if you have one, you or your parents host this.  Most people I know chose this when they were having a super long engagemt,  as a way to celebrate)

garter toss/boquet toss- Do you have a lot of single friends? If not this may not work.  If you do, you throw the boquet to the single ladies.  Groom throws garter to single men.  (It can be the single garter, some brides purchase two so they have one as a keepsake)Guy who catches garter puts it on lady who caught bouquet.  The higher up the leg he puts it the better the luck.

 

decorations/food and drink- This is where you get to be creative.  Pretty much the sky is the limit.  You can do almost any “theme” and style food these days.

I think I got most of the questions in your original post but like I said if you have more questions let me know.   Enjoy the planning!! 

Post # 14
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sounds like you’re in great shape then! I figured you hadn’t planned anything ๐Ÿ™‚ The big thing right now would be to find a venue– that will dictate whether you need to rent chairs and tables, what sorts of decorations you want, etc.

Post # 15
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If your mom insists on buying a dress from a salon, two months in advance is nowhere near enough time. I bought my dress in April for a September wedding and had to pay $75 extra charge for a rush order. Different salons and designers have different shipping schedules but if you wait till 2 months in advance, you’ll have far less selection!

Post # 16
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You can have a “traditional” wedding without completely following traditions. Honeslty, I think I’ve only been to one wedding where the bride walked up the aisle to the traditional bridal march. There are tons of other beautiful traditional wedding songs – I actually thought that I’d walk down the aisle to Pachelbel’s Canon in D, but decided to go a more non-traditional route. There’s TONS of choices as far as music is concerned. 

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