(Closed) Any bees always wanted kids but after some time it changed?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: You..
    Always wanted kids, had kids, love them : (6 votes)
    23 %
    Always wanted kids, had kids, regret them sometimes : (2 votes)
    8 %
    Always wanted kids, didn't have them, really happy with that decision : (5 votes)
    19 %
    Never wanted kids, had them, love them : (4 votes)
    15 %
    Never wanted kids, never had them, very happy : (9 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 6
    Member
    9139 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    It’s a misconception that you have to be all about the baby 24/7.  Read Bringing up Bebe about an American mother raising her children in France.  French mothers find a way to balance being a woman and a mother.

    It’s an important conversation to have and to agree on.  My ex husband changed his mind after we got married.  We had both agreed to have one child together but after a year of marriage he decided he truly didn’t want any more children (he already had one from previous relationship.)  I knew that if I didn’t have a child I would feel like I missed out on an important part of life.

    Now I am a bit older and more divided.  I know I would miss having a child and I get wistful seeing my friends have babies.  But I also love my lifestyle with my FH where it’s just us and if we want to sleep all day or take a lazy bar crawl, we can.  We currently agree that we would like to have at least one child but if we are unable to have a child together naturally, then we don’t plan to take additional measures to have a child.  It works for us.

    Have the conversation and be clear about what you each want, especially if you are not yet married.  There is nothing wrong with not being ready for kids now but if you truly do not want to have children then make sure you are with a partner that agrees with that plan.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2718 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    How old are you? It sounds like you aren’t really ready for kids and should wait for a while longer, and your Darling Husband should be understanding of that. It’s a mutual decision between the 2 of you to have kids, since you’ll both be caring for them. It is stressful to have kids (I’m preggo now, no kids, but know from experience from watching SIL & friends), but it depends on how you manage your life and your family. I have one SIL who’s house is a mess & she can’t manager her time for herself, but another SIL has plenty of time to travel as a family, has a spotless house, etc. It just depends on your own style.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1311 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m not much help. I am on the fence on having kids. Fiance has two from previous marriage and they make my patience disappear quickly LOL

    My biggest fear is regretting not having them due to my decission so instead we will try and see how it goes. Our chances houwever are already low of concieving as he had a vasectomy years ago so we are not sure what our procentage will be when he gets a reversal. Right now it’s at about 50%.

    I am almost 33. Figure we will try next year and see how it goes. I will be ok with not having one sue to us being unable to have one. But woudl be scared of deciding on not trying and then regreting it 10 years from now.

     

    People change and what you like now and feel makes you content mey down the road feel empty and lilke something is missing.

    When the time comes and things feel right…. just go with the flow. Don’t make decissions based on other peoples kids and how you feel about them. You have time to wait.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    9139 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @kayberry:  I didn’t think I would ever truly be ready but in the last year, I went from “it would be nice to have a child someday” to “I want a baby within the next few years.”  It literally happened overnight and no matter what argument I have with myself, I keep coming back to wanting to have a child in the next year or two.  I turn 30 this December if that helps at all with a timeline.  I also finally got a great full time job with fantastic benefits that are maternity leave (and child) friendly (health insurance, FMLA, short term disability, lots of PTO, etc…) so I am in better place financially as well.

    I think in today’s society, it’s normal to not be ready for a child at 21.  Enjoy the next 3-5 years with your Fiance before worrying about having a baby.  It sounds like you are open to the idea in the distant future, just not now.  There is nothing wrong with that and he should have had an idea that you would want to wait based on your age difference.  Nothing wrong with being an older dad either.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Was always on the fence. Had a baby. Love her to pieces. No regrets.

    Post # 14
    Member
    556 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    my last thread was actually about this. I always wanted kids, after spending sometime with my bratty nephew… welll im starting to have second toughts…

    Post # 15
    Member
    7211 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @kayberry:  I’m in exactly the same situation. I’ve always, always, always wanted kids.  I’m always the one who gets super excited for my friends getting pregnant, I throw all the showers, I babysit all the time, make lots of fun stuff for the kids…. Then my sister (who is EIGHT years younger than me- in her mid-twenties) had a baby. I ADORE my nephew and LOVE babysitting him, but after 12 hours I’m exhausted. My little sister is constantly tired, stressed about money, her apartment is a disaster. All this even though her boyfriend is extremely supportive and a wonderful father. I look at them and then think of me and my 42 year old SO and just can’t imagine what we’d do! Even if I stayed home I don’t know how I’d fuction. SO & I are talking about it. He wants kids but not for at least another 2 years. That would make me 35. I dunno. Maybe we’ll adopt a young child so we can skip the baby time? 

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