I posted a thread on this subject where a lot of bees responded:
I felt exactly the same as you when it came to kids. Always loved and wanted them but MAN can’t you be quiet or let me sit down for just one second?? Talk about energy drainers lol!
I am in the same age range as yourself. My thread was posted one year ago, but my DH and I still feel the same. I won’t lie, I adore cute babies and will occasionally miss my potential Kodak moments (ie pumpkin patches! Baby clothes! Christmas mornings! Awww!) but then I or my DH will root myself back into reality and force myself to acknowledge the Kodak moments while also recognizing the reality of motherhood (Potential morning sickness, havoc to your body, no sleep, no alone time, no extra money nor time) and I remember why I chose to not have kids. Or I just spend some time with any child and that wakes me up REAL quick lol. You have to really think about how you want your future to be, in depth. Does that future contain children?
My DH and I want to travel extensively, own our own businesses, and have plenty of leisure time. We want more relaxation than stress in our lives. I don’t want to spend my days cleaning, cooking, and being a taxi to our children to what ever activities may be going on in their lives. I want to spend time enjoying my career, helping others, and being with my husband, so I have chosen not to have children.
BUT my DH and I have decided that if we end up traveling once every 3 years, live in a surburban house and are in a mundane, routine schedule without very much interesting activities going on, we’ll consider having children. Because children WOULD fit into that lifestyle. I think we’d be perfectly happy if we had children in that instance. But my DH and I picture constant traveling, high-rise condos, and working with organizations. So no kids for us.
We have also decided that even if we do get the lifestyle we want and end up waking up one day and deciding after all we do want children, we are perfectly fine with adopting if we are no longer fertile. 🙂
I’m not sure what to say about him liking his ex’s kids. Did he raise them like he was the father? Or did he have fun and play with them while the mom did a majority of the work and gave them to their dad on the weekends where they could be child-free? Because if so, being a full-time father is MUCH different than just being mom’s boyfriend (if that was the case in this situation).
I thought I might not want kids way before my DH considered it. I discussed my fears about them and he discussed his dreams for them. We talked endlessly until we saw eye to eye. The key is to be open to either option when discussing it with your partner. Really listen to why they want children and ask them to really listen to why you are considering not wanting them. Do not try to manipulate each other and just keep discussing how you two picture your future together until you two can come to an agreement. This is the biggest thing you can’t undo in life, so this decision shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Good luck 🙂