(Closed) Any bees always wanted kids but after some time it changed?

posted 9 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: You..

    Always wanted kids, had kids, love them

    Always wanted kids, had kids, regret them sometimes

    Always wanted kids, didn't have them, really happy with that decision

    Never wanted kids, had them, love them

    Never wanted kids, never had them, very happy

  • Post # 18
    2637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @kayberry:  don’t base your expectations on what having kids will be “like” based on one person’s experience. Working full time AND having kids sounds incredibly crazy to me. (i know lots of people do it successfully. but what you’re witnessing, and what i’ve seen, is not for me.) I think it will be WAY different to have kids and not work at all, or only work part time. Maybe starting now, you can do something like start thinking about and planning for what life would be like with only one income? (start setting more money aside, spend less, etc.) Then if you do decide to have a kid, you have more options… you can go back to work if you want, and have more money in the bank, but if you decide not to, you have that option!

    sorry if thats way more advice than you wanted – i basically just mean to say, don’t put the idea of having a kid in a box. it can be SO different for everyone. Do what you can now to keep your options open for HOW it could be different for you.

    but i also agree – 21 is pretty young, and there is no need for you to be in a rush. But I do also think – don’t marry someone without resolving whether or not you agree to have kids.

    Post # 20
    315 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    When my fiance and I first got together (over four years ago), we had always abstractedly (is that a word? I don’t know) discussed having children … I wanted to start having kids around 27, defintely before 30 (when we get married, I’ll be 25) and we’d like 3, maybe 4. HOWEVER. Now we’re in a place where we’re finally able to enjoy our free time (more money, less debt) and travel and do things without worrying about children. We’re super enjoying being DINKs (double income, no kids – always found that funny). So, all that rambling really means that although I do still want kids, I think I’m too selfish now, and may be too selfish when I’m 27 … So we’ve decided we’ll revisit it when I’m 27 … Because SO MANY things can change!!

    Post # 21
    7225 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’ve always wanted children. I raised my godson from a child (He’s 6 now, he stayed with me til he was 4.) and after my best friend had a baby…. I have zero desire for children. They change people too much. Plus, I like sleep.

    Post # 22
    776 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    you guys have the same age difference that my husband and I have. I am pregnant now though, with our first, and he is 40. I would say, you are really young still to be worrying about making a ‘final’ decision one way or the other about whether or not you want kids. And it’s great that your Fiance is willing to wait a while for you. But even so, if you feel dishonest about having these feelings and not sharing them with your fiance, it might be a sign that you realize it’s important to tell him. Especially since he’s quite a bit older than you, it would be unfair to him to put him in a position (somewhere down the road) where he’s waited years for you to be ‘ready’ and then finds out that you never actually wanted kids all along… my husband had this happen to him with his ex, she kept him ‘waiting’ for a family that she never actually wanted to have, for 7 years. I’m certainly overjoyed that it didn’t work out with them, hah – I feel like I hit the jackpot, finding this wonderful, ready to commit and settle down, has-his-shit-together man to marry who didn’t even have any kids of his own yet. But I also feel sad for what happened to him, I’m sure he would have rather started his family at much younger than 40. Or at least a few years younger anyway. Oh well, her loss!


    So yeah.. if something inside you is saying “I’m totally sure I don’t want kids”, you should be honest with your partner. But if you are just having doubts – well, I guess it would probably be best to share those as well :/ but it’s not like you have to decide right away. Just don’t leave it for years and then ‘change your mind’, that would be uncool.

    Post # 23
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I go back and forth on the decision to have children. I really wanted them when I was 24, when we first got married, but I really love my life without them now. DH is pretty adament about having a kiddo someday though but I’m still on the fence. The older we get the less I want kids.

    Post # 24
    992 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    I’ve always wanted children. My whole life, I grew up dreaming about my baby’s face and baby names and whether I wanted 3 or 4.

    Then, as I got a little older, I realized I wanted one or two, at the most.

    Now, I’m on the fence. I wouldn’t be upset if we didn’t have kids, and I wouldn’t be upset if we did. We aren’t TTC for at least 3 more years, though, so I’m not worried about it right now. If I change my mind down the road (and decide I don’t want kids), I know DH will be fine with it, because he’s also undecided about children. So I guess we’ll see 🙂

    Post # 25
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I posted a thread on this subject where a lot of bees responded:



    I felt exactly the same as you when it came to kids. Always loved and wanted them but MAN can’t you be quiet or let me sit down for just one second?? Talk about energy drainers lol!


    I am in the same age range as yourself. My thread was posted one year ago, but my DH and I still feel the same. I won’t lie, I adore cute babies and will occasionally miss my potential Kodak moments (ie pumpkin patches! Baby clothes! Christmas mornings! Awww!) but then I or my DH will root myself back into reality and force myself to acknowledge the Kodak moments while also recognizing the reality of motherhood (Potential morning sickness, havoc to your body, no sleep, no alone time, no extra money nor time) and I remember why I chose to not have kids. Or I just spend some time with any child and that wakes me up REAL quick lol. You have to really think about how you want your future to be, in depth. Does that future contain children?


    My DH and I want to travel extensively, own our own businesses, and have plenty of leisure time. We want more relaxation than stress in our lives. I don’t want to spend my days cleaning, cooking, and being a taxi to our children to what ever activities may be going on in their lives. I want to spend time enjoying my career, helping others, and being with my husband, so I have chosen not to have children.    


    BUT my DH and I have decided that if we end up traveling once every 3 years, live in a surburban house and are in a mundane, routine schedule without very much interesting activities going on, we’ll consider having children. Because children WOULD fit into that lifestyle. I think we’d be perfectly happy if we had children in that instance. But my DH and I picture constant traveling, high-rise condos, and working with organizations. So no kids for us. 


    We have also decided that even if we do get the lifestyle we want and end up waking up one day and deciding after all we do want children, we are perfectly fine with adopting if we are no longer fertile. 🙂 


    I’m not sure what to say about him liking his ex’s kids. Did he raise them like he was the father? Or did he have fun and play with them while the mom did a majority of the work and gave them to their dad on the weekends where they could be child-free? Because if so, being a full-time father is MUCH different than just being mom’s boyfriend (if that was the case in this situation).


     I thought I might not want kids way before my DH considered it. I discussed my fears about them and he discussed his dreams for them. We talked endlessly until we saw eye to eye. The key is to be open to either option when discussing it with your partner. Really listen to why they want children and ask them to really listen to why you are considering not wanting them. Do not try to manipulate each other and just keep discussing how you two picture your future together until you two can come to an agreement. This is the biggest thing you can’t undo in life, so this decision shouldn’t be taken lightly. 


     Good luck 🙂

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