(Closed) Any bees bothered by something that happened ages ago? (long)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Wow. I never realized how common snooping is until I came to this site…

Post # 5
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

With things like this you just have to make an effort to let it go. Whenever I find myself thinking of things in the past that bug me, I think about good things and try to move on. I read an article a while ago that said the more you obsess/worry about something, the more you train your brain to obsess/worry about it. If you do this all the time, it could become a normal brain function like driving or typing. Don’t waste time thinking about it or “building your argument.” Just try to let it go. I know that’s much easier said than done. It’s something many of us have to work on. Best of luck! 

Oh, and some Lion King wisdom – 

Post # 6
Member
2118 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017

@AlwaysSunny:  Thank you for your words of wisdom. It helps me with my own particular past regret:)

Post # 7
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m sorry to hear about this:( I know what it feels like to think the relationship is great and then you find out something like that… I don’t think its that bad that you snooped, the site was accidently pulled up on the computer, its not like you hacked his account or something..

 

As far as still feeling hurt about it, my fiance, (highschool boyfriend at the time this happened) cheated on me and I thought our relationship was great, I was totally oblivious.. And it took me A LONG TIME to get over it completely.. Like small random things would remind me of what happened and make me feel bad all over again. This happened like 4 years ago and occasionally I will still have some type of bad dream about being cheated on or lied to, but I think this is just because its like my worst fear lol.. I’m definately past what happened now, but when trust is broken like that it can take some time to heal.

 

hope this helps!

 

 

Post # 9
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@beetee123:  I imagine I’d be pretty pissed if I found myself in that situation 🙁 I’m sorry. The way I look at it is this, nothing happened, he may have a had a moment of weakness and even his message to the girl he “liked” was pretty tame, he never mentioned wanting to meet up or anything like that which is good. It’s normal to have doubts sometimes, even when your relationship is good and you love your bf/gf. I do think you have a right to feel upset about it, but it was probably just a momentary thought, if it were a serious concern, it most likely would have impacted your relationship. I’d say let him know you’re upset, and that it hurts you to think he was having these thoughts while you were together but as long as you guys are happy now I would try to leave it in the past.

Post # 10
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@beetee123:  but the message to her, and the message about her was two years ago correct? I don’t think that would bother me. obviously you have gotten more serious and engaged since then. so I”m sure he loves you

Post # 12
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I wouldn’t worry too much about this. Sure, it sucks that two years ago he messaged this girl, but it doesn’t seem like he attempted to enter into a relationship with her while she was single. It also sounds like she didn’t respond to his offer of support and keep talking to him.

I think his excuse is pretty valid, too. Who hasn’t idly wondered “What if…?” I was on facebook just the other day and a high school flame popped up under “People you may know.” I had a look at his profile – he’s married and has a child. I never thoughf “Gee, I wish I could leave my partner and track him down.” It was more “Cool, look what’s going on with him. Wonder what would have happened if it were me with him instead?”

This was two years ago. Now, if you had found out that he cheated that would be different, but surely it’s not exactly a breach of trust to speak to members of the opposite sex, or find them attractive.

Post # 13
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@beetee123:  his message was pretty innocent In My Humble Opinion. he asked how she was, and offered to be a friend, and by your own words that’s the type of guy he is.

he confided in a friend, if you feel his messages 2 years ago was a betrayl, I’d imagine he’d think you looking through old messages was a betrayl as well.  jsut food for thought.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@beetee123:  I’d be pretty upset about this.  You said you had been dating 2 years at the time he was telling another girl he wondered if he’d ever have a chance with her? And that her getting into a relationship “lifted a weight” off of his shoulders?

Post # 16
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

Letting go is the hardest part. I’m sure we all have things that still irk us, whether they are related to our relationship or our job or our friends. I know I certainly do. At some point you just have to realize that it was either innocent or that you really didn’t need those people in your life anymore. I’m going through that currently. I just need to forget about the people that are ignorant and move on. 

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