Post # 32
No, and I would never. I can buy myself a ring and have a guy give it to me any day, it doesn’t make it an engagement ring. Honestly, I would think he wasn’t serious about me, or even trying to drive me away if he asked me to pay for my own ring – I truly can’t imagine the hurt and embarrassment it would cause me . I would rather not have a ring at all, or better yet find myself a man with a bit more tact and integrity than to ask me to pay for my own engagement ring! It’s important for me that I feel cared for in my future marriage, so yeah, that would be the wrong way to start our lives together.
Post # 33
@lenabee: DH originally paid for the entire ring, but put part on his credit card (no interest for 10 months). I didn’t want him to have any balance on his card and I make almost twice what he makes, so I offered to pay about 1/3 of the cost. It worked for us.
Post # 34
@SomedayHisBride: Interesting and very strong perspective. I can respect that it is not necessarily tradition for women to pay for part of the ring, but I don’t think I would assume a guy has no tact or doesn’t care enough about you if he needed help purchasing a ring.
As I said before, I proactively offered to help pay for part of my ring (DH was reluctant at first), but we looked at things as “our” finances, so it made sense. In the end, I would never let a material item come between the committment and love we have for each other.
Post # 35
It never occurred to me to pay for my own ring. I didn’t even realize this was a “thing” until I started reading the Bee.
In my view, an engagement ring is a gift. I would never offer to pay for my own birthday gift or Christmas gift – it sort of defeats the purpose of a gift if I buy it for myself, doesn’t it? My fiance picked out a ring based on his budget and what he thought I would like. And I love it. 🙂
Post # 36
@BMO88: I don’t look down on the choices of others, so as long as both parties are OK with the bride paying for some or all of the ring, no problem.
For me, that wouldn’t be an option simply because my SO is in a financial position where him asking me to contribute would pretty much be a slap in the face.
Post # 38
I think the only circumstance the topic of me helping pay for my own ring would have come up is if I wanted an extremely expensive ring. My fiance owns his own company and his finances are good, so if I knew he could afford it and refused, I would be a bit ticked off. But, that never happened because I chose a ring well within his budget. But, if I ever decided to upgrade and for some reason he couldn’t afford it, I think I’d offer on my own to help pay for it.
Post # 39
I ended up falling in love with a ring that was more expensive than the budget I set out. I felt bad and offered to pay for a part of it but he refused.
Post # 40
I TECHNICALLY paid for the diamond and my fiance paid for the setting.
However, we had essentially joint finances at the time so I don’t really think of it that way. We just took money fromt the accounts that it made the most sense to take the larger chunks of money out of at the time.
I don’t see anything wrong with splitting the cost of a ring. It’s BOTH of your finances eventually so een if “he paid” by the time you are married in the end you both paid.
Especially if a woman wants a really ellaborate expensie ring, I think that pitching in is a perfectly viable option and one that shouldn’t be “shameful” or anything.
Post # 41
@lenabee: My Fiance paid for it wholly and I’m kind of glad he did. I probably wouldn’t have spent as much as I am a bit of a tightwad with money. We haven’t combined finances yet as we won’t live together until just before we’re married. But he’s great with his own finances. He told me after the proposal that although he took 2 years to propose, he know roughly 6 months in that he knew, and started saving at that point. Hearing that was almost as nice as the proposal itself.
Post # 42
I agree with everything you said. I didn’t know it was a thing For the girl to help pay.
Also, I always thought a guy should save up for a ring, and it would be his purchase to make, not mine.
Post # 43
As some others have mentioned, we have joint finances, so techincally we paid half each. I bought him an engagement watch, so we each got a gift!
Post # 44
I’m like these ladies. We have had combined finances for years. There are no individual bank accounts. There would have been no way for him to take money out of his paycheck without me knowing. And…it’s all our money anyway. So a little bit has been put aside here and there, and my ring will (finally!) be purchased this month.
If we weren’t in a combined financial and living situation, then it would have made sense for him to set aside money on his own.
Post # 45
@merpitymerp: People with joint finances share the cost of their Christmas and birthday gifts unless someone is selling drugs on the side without their partner’s knowledge.
Post # 46
My Fiance covered the cost. he set me a budget, and if I wanted to go over that, I would pay for the difference myself. As it turns out, I found something I loved that was reasonably priced.