(Closed) any bees have an SO who smokes?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My husband smokes and yes it bugs me, it has always bugged me. He has tried everything. Cold turkey, Chantix (which he said gave him disturbing nightmares and suicidal thoughts), hypnotism, the gum, the electronic cigarettes, acupuncture….you name it..he tried it.

He uses it as a stress reliever and lately he has been smoking more because a job he is on is seriously the site from hell. Nothing is going right. Concrete gets pushed back, men are moving slow and he is getting pressure from his boss. So he smokes it up when he gets home and I can smell it on him badly. He explained to me that when he dosn’t get a smoke, he gets anxious and shakey.

Both of my grandfathers died from lung cancer and we have a daughter who I do not want picking up the habit.

I know he wants to quit though, so I stick by him and support him. If he asks me to pick up a pack, I tell him NO. Stress-free he dosn’t smoke much at all, so I don’t know. I think I need to find a healthier habit for him to relieve his stress!

Post # 4
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My fiance smoke, has since he was 15, and yes it drives me crazy! He’s trying to hard to quit, and he has quit several times for up to six months at a time. These days its off and on. He never smokes when he p’s at meetings or out with clients. Only when he’s stressed or working from home or drinking a lot. 

It makes me so sad, and worried that he’s going to get sick! But he has had a history of drug abuse, and kicked all of it except the cigs, so I’m grateful for that and really proud of him.

Post # 5
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My husband used to smoke about three years ago but I told him he needed to quit or it wouldn’t work out. I can’t STAND the smell of smoke, yellow teeth, leathery skin, or yellow nails. There is just nothing attractive to me about smoking and it does quite a number on your overall health. I wish cigarettes were illegal. Filthy little cancer sticks.

Post # 6
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ewww, I think it’s so gross!

Post # 7
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Fiance smokes.. he has quit for up to four months at a time, but always starts again.  He knows he has to quit, and really wants to, but I get that is hard.  He promised me no smoking on our wedding day since he knows the scent makes me sick to my stomach. He’s a stress smoker and I swear that if he went on an anti-anxiety drug or an antidepressant, it’d be a lot easier than any patch or Chantrix.

Post # 8
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

SO is a social/stress smoker. It bugs the hell out of me. He hates it too and wants to quit but can’t seem to. I’ve always been understanding but last weekend after he held an event and was dissappointed in the turnout he said “I just really need a cigarette right now” and I said “WHY IS THAT ALWAYS YOUR CRUTCH. You can’t quit smoking if you’re not willing to change the habits/thoughts that make you want to smoke.” I just don’t understand why he can’t do something else to relieve stress; work out, play video games, masterbate, WHATEVER. Almost anything is better than smoking IMO.

His friends all smoke too, and he mostly smokes around them because they have cigarettes. He hardly ever buys a pack for himself anymore.

Post # 9
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance smokes as well. Like the OP I didn’t really care when we first got together, because just the initial falling in love stuff made it not seem like a big deal to me.  Now I obviously want him to quit, but I also realize it needs to be his decision.  I watched my sister demand repeatedly that her husband quit and then he was secretly smoking after they had their first child.  So I feel like if I go that route it won’t be permanent.  We’ve talked about it and he knows that I basically expect him to have quit by the time we have kids.  As it is, he never smokes around me (obviously only smokes outside).  I am hoping that when I get pregnant, he’ll just quit cold turkey, but I know it might be harder than that!

Post # 10
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I once dated a smoker. It was horrible! He said he wanted to quit, but his pack of Nicorette gum sat unopened from the day we met until two years later when we broke up!

He liked to say he was “cutting back”… But then I “always did something that would stress (him) out and then (he would) need to smoke more!”

Post # 11
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

FH used to smoke. I told him he had to quit before we ever started TTC (which is not going to be for several years). He quit about 6 months later, completely on his own, using an electronic cigarette. 

Post # 12
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

No.  That’s a dealbreaker for me.

Post # 13
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@wideeyes:  It was a deal breaker for me too, until I met my SO. I’ve literally broken up with guys after I found out that they smoked! (or stopped dating them, depending on how far the relationship had gone) 

Post # 14
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was a social smoker when I met Darling Husband and he smoked regularly.  I gave it up completely a few years ago for health reasons, but he kept going, though he always talked about quitting.  At first his continuing to smoke didn’t bug me, but over time it got to the point where I couldn’t be around Darling Husband after he smoked without having a coughing fit.  He was good about washing his hands, brushing his teeth, etc. but it didn’t solve the problem.  He had his tonsils out a few months ago and – hooray – he quit while recovering from that.  I think we both realized it was going to become an issue for us if he didn’t.

Definitely focus on the health reasons, but I can’t lie – Darling Husband knowing it was beginning to affect my libido was pretty motivating as well.

Post # 15
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Fiance and I are both smokers. He is trying to quit at the moment, and uses an electronic cigarette. I’ve tried using one but they’re just so strange! 

I know that when I start working I will quit. I can go 10+ hours without a cigarette at work as an ECE teacher, but when I’m at uni/around other smokers it’s so hard.

The main regret I have is starting smoking. I was a 15year old rebel, and I wish I had never started. And, if I haven’t had a smoke and Fiance has I hate the taste/smell!! 

Post # 16
Member
9084 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’ve dated men who smoked but it’s a dealbreaker for me to marry one. If my husband smoked, it’d be out of the question for me.

The topic ‘any bees have an SO who smokes?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors