- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2011
Just wondering. I am 39 years old and I have 2 bio children (boys, age 12 and 18), and my Fiance has a 7 year old daughter that I’ve helped raise since she was 4 months old.
So I’ve been there, done that.
Still, sometimes I get the ridiculous baby fever. It comes and goes. I wish it would GO.
Fiance would love to have a baby WITH me and cries at the thought that we won’t.. but since we’re a same sex couple, well, it would involve a lot more than just a “forgetting” to take the pill or something. It would be costly. It would be rather crazy. We are both full time students, we returned to school together after both of us working years of crappy jobs and barely surviving.
I have 2 more years of school left. She has 2 to 3. We will have good incomes after school, I even rationalized that I could have the baby in summer and use the on campus child care and space my classes so I could nurse in between.
Stop that craziness!!! I need to slap myself at those times. My kids would surely think I had lost my mind.
I adore the kids (of course) and who they are turning out to be, and I’m sure it has a lot to do with them getting older and me being nostalgic for those “early years”, but it also has alot to do with the idea that I would soooo love to experience what it is like to have a baby with someone out of love, you know? Because as much as I adore my kids it didn’t happen that way with either one. The firstborn was honestly a result of foolishness when I was 19, almost 20, and partying all the time and on a self destructive path, resulting in a one night stand with a friend of a friend about to ship off in the Army. His father has never been involved. So I had my son alone. Never regretted that choice, of course, but it was a hard path!
Then I married young to the first man that came along and accepted my son and treated him well (my son was 18 months old), because I had the baby fever BAD and thought I should go about it the “right way”. So I had my second son and he was very much “planned” but honestly, I married for the wrong reasons. I did love his dad but not like you really SHOULD when you marry, if you know what I mean. Our marriage ended for other reasons (his alcoholism and chronic untreated depression)… but he came along promising stability and a BABY and let me be a Stay-At-Home Mom and I jumped at that chance. Of course I don’t regret a thing, I have my youngest son as a result and my boys are very close…
But, with my relationship with my Fiance we have something I never thought was even possible and I think that’s part of what brings on the baby fever. Because we are so in love and have been for SEVEN years and every day it just gets better. We have created our own little family and couldn’t be happier… but that brings on the longing somehow
I just wondered if anyone knew what I was talking about. Having a baby would be foolish, rash, and pretty irresponsible. Even if I waited until I was almost done with school and KNOWING I will have a good job after. Then I think about all the traveling we want to do and how much more freedom we have with the kids being older and how it would feel to have a 20 year old and a baby and it is pretty crazy.
Damn baby fever, go away!