Any bees not changing their last names…

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
713 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t change my name. His mom made one comment but I ignored it. His family is very conservative and traditional while mine is very liberal and seems to scoff in the face of tradition. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person ever in his family to keep their name. My husband did not care one bit that I wanted to keep my name. As for the wedding our officiant said something like “I now present Mikayla and Andrew the newly married couple”. As for kids we plan on only having one. If it’s a girl she’ll get my name and a boy will get his. It seemed like the fairest way to do it since it’ll be a 50/50 chance either way. I have a different last name than my mom (She kept hers and I got my dads) and it was never an issue. 

Post # 17
Member
37 posts
Newbee

Hi bee! I’m keeping my name and my fiancé is totally ok with this (but why wouldn’t he be?).  I’ve had my name for 33 years and I love it 🙂

We won’t have any announcing of “introducing the new Mr. and Mrs. XYZ” and will use our first names and he fact that we are celebrating this new union. We have talked about kids last names but haven’t landed on how we will handle. My mom actually kept her name for a very long time, and my birth certificate has her maiden name… eventually she updated it for her own reasons, but I think to each their own! Do what you feels best for you— no judgement either way!

Post # 18
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - the garden house, seattle

i kept my name. it was a non-issue; he didn’t expect me to change it and i haven’t heard anything from anyone about keeping it. the closest anyone’s come to commenting on it at all was when i went to our maine office shortly after the wedding. they weren’t sure what name i was going ot be using, so they made a sign for my cube that said “deb myname (hisname?)”

my reasons are pretty much what everyone else has mentioned. my degree is in this name, and i did some important mental-health activism in the 90s that im very proud of and want to be associated with. my entire career has been with this name. it seems weird that i would walk away from all that because i married someone.

Post # 19
Member
501 posts
Busy bee

I didn’t change my last name (my husband considered changing his to mine but decided not to). We talked long ago and decided thatvof we have children we would flip a coin for the last name of the First and then swap for any later ones (we liked the idea so much we have done it to make other hints fair like flipping a coin to see who walked down the aisle first). We told all of our families and our friends who weren’t surprised because we both believe in women being full and equal persons. My husbNd hasn’t thought about t but inmediatek Understood. My mother was really happy because she felt sad about loosing her name. My husbands famiky hasn’t expressed any concern and if they did…well… I think we both would tell them it’s not their business. As for the wedding—- we just had us introduced for the first time as spouses (Dr x —-that’s me!—-and MR. Y—my husband) Everybody found that totally normal and nobody has said a thing to either of us about it since. It’s beem great and I’m super happy to feel like I’m not contributing to a tradition of women being subsumed into their husbands 

Post # 20
Member
320 posts
Helper bee

I’m leaning heavily towards keeping mine. I’m in my 30s and feel like I’m too old to be changing things. Young me would have changed it, but current me just likes my own name! My mom kept her maiden name (all of us kids have my dad’s) so it’s a normal thing in my family.

Post # 21
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I kept my name, and in three years no one has said anything negative about it. We had several discussions about which name we would give our kids. We decided to use my name as a second middle and my husband’s name as the last name mainly because he has a very unique last name and no other family members who will carry it on. I don’t buy into needing the same last name to feel like a family unit. 

Post # 22
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

lolac :  I didn’t change my name and won’t be in the future. We work in the same industry and all of the senior members of our community who talked to me about our last name told me that they thought that more women should keep their own identity. 

My nieces took my sister on law’s last name instead of my brothers. It’s getting more common in North America for couples not to share a last name (even if only because blended families are more common) and I don’t think they’ve ever had an issue with it. The girls have blended the names together as they’ve gotten older and I sometimes wonder if my brother and SIL will go with the ‘new’ blended name!

You do you, Bee! It sounds like you and your future husband have put a lot of thought into it. 

Post # 23
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

lolac : I think if I was an only child, I’d be more strong willed to keep the family name too. Men get to carry on the family name, so should we. 

I’m going to cross the in law bridge when we come to it, they won’t change my mind so yeah we shall see what happens. Sometimes they don’t react to things as badly as I anticipate, sometimes issues are made out of none issues so yeah, could realistically go either way. 

I wont mind people calling me Mrs his last name because it’s “the norm”, it happens already sometimes when we go on holiday because the hotel rooms booked in his name they assume I’m Mrs. but if people who know me do it I will politely remind them. I’m Ms my last name

Post # 24
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I didn’t change my last name. 

Post # 25
Member
8260 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

lolac :  

Just don’t do it OP if you don’t want to  .I did for my first   marriage but I was very young and naive and didn’t have much political awareness.  Certainly didn’t  do it again

Don’t let people talk too much to you about  it and don;t  engage in any sort of explanation  or   justification  unless you feel confident it will end well .

If they go on about how everybody else in the family did/does, just smile politely and block them “yes it suits some people, but not me and fi is fine with it so……now , what do you think of this idea for a centrepiece? ” 

 

Post # 26
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Not me but my SIL. She has a very unique surname that’s easy to spell and pronounce (a rare combination). It’s also a link to her mom who passed away many years ago. Aside from the normal questions around it no one has really cared at all, just been curious.

Personally the only thing that I haven’t liked about changing my name is the admin that comes with it. So offputting!

Post # 27
Member
42 posts
Newbee

I’m on the fence — my pro and con lists are about equal.

ETA: I’ve been married before and regretted changing my name, BUT I didn’t want to do it to begin with — I did it because my ex became super upset about me not taking the name so I did it for him. This time around half of me wants to change it, and I love his last name. I don’t think his family would mind if I kept mine though, even though they all seem to follow the tradition of taking the husband’s name, and he’s told me a number of times that he supports whatever decision I make.

Post # 28
Member
6799 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I didn’t change my name because I didn’t want to. It was really that simple. The thought of changing it never even crossed my mind. And my husband could not care less. 

However before we got married or engaged we talked about future kids and what their last name would be. We both agreed to give the kids my husband’s last name. It was important to him and I honestly didn’t care. My mom kept her maiden name and growing up I never felt weird about her not having the same name as I did. We were still a family. 

We now have a son and while we did give him my husband’s last name, my last name is his middle name (he actually has 2 middle names, one of them being mine). I love the fact that he has both of our names included in his! 

As far as what others have thought…we don’t really care. We both have older relatives that definitely don’t get it and all my mail from them addressed as Mrs. HUSBANDSLASTNAME, or sometimes even Mrs. HUSBANDSFIRSTNAME HUSBANDSLASTNAME. Whatever. I don’t correct them because it’s a waste of my energy. What matters is that my husband and I are happy with the choices we’ve made for our family. 

Post # 29
Member
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

This thread is interesting. While I am pretty liberal, personally I lean towards more traditional ways (probably because that’s how I was raised, right, wrong or indifferent) but I say more power to not changing your name! It really is a pain in the ass and not necessary. 

My fiance doesn’t care if I change my name but due to some personal reasons I plan on changing my name (as of right now).  

Post # 30
Member
2489 posts
Buzzing bee

Husband took my last name. 🙂 It’s been fine so far. We were slightly worried how his family would react but it hasn’t really been an issue. FWIW, we skipped the “introducing mr. and mrs. x” thing at our wedding and have mostly just told people if/when they asked. 

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