Any bees not changing their last names…

posted 12 months ago in Family
Post # 31
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I kept my name. I’ve only been married for 30 days but I have no desire to change it legally or professionally. However I’m fine being Mrs. Hislastname in social settings.

Post # 32
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I won’t be changing my name, and I won’t be telling anyone unprompted because I don’t think it’s a big deal. I don’t have a problem with people calling me “Mrs. Husband’s Name” on future greeting cards or whatever. Even though all of the women in my family changed their names, I don’t expect anyone to be concerned about it. I’m honestly not expecting many people to ask me about it, but if they do, then I think they won’t be surprised because my degrees, my publications, etc. are all under my given name. 

Though truthfully, I’ll be keeping my name because I just don’t want to change it. My doctorate and publications are just the socially acceptable reasons for it.  

My SO and I don’t want kids, but if we did, I would have wanted to just give them one of our last names rather than hyphenate. Many of my professors have done this, usually giving them the father’s last name, so it seems to work fine. In your case, giving your children your name might be the thing his family raises an eyebrow at, but if he is not close to them, then it might not be worth worrying about it.

We probably won’t do the “Here’s Mr. and Mrs.” at the wedding. If we do an introduction at all, I figure we can just be “the newlyweds” or using our first names. 

Post # 33
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I did not change my name.  It just seemed like a lot of work, and my husband didn’t care.  Also, I’m a little older, and was professionally known with my maiden name so that’s that.  We have two kids, they have his name.  That’s fine with me- I think he also would probably have been fine if they had been given my name- I guess we just don’t put a lot of stock in our names 🙂 

 

That said- like previous posters, no one seems to really care one way or the other.  About half of my female friends have changed their names, the others have not.  Some of our gay friends have changed their names, others not.  Some have created entirely new names- which also seems like fun, but too much work for me 🙂 

I’d say whatever you do is right for you.  Congratulations!

Post # 34
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I didn’t change mine (no children, and I have an advanced degree). Husband didn’t mind.

If it was an issue for my husband’s family, they’ve done a good job of hiding it from me. He has one married brother and she changed her name. He has another engaged brother and I fully anticipate she will change her name as well. But neither have advanced degrees where changing their maiden name might be detrimental career wise.

However, if someone refers to me socially as Mrs. HisLastName I don’t let it bother me.

Post # 35
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee

I didn’t change my last name and most people don’t even know. Some call me Mrs. His Last Name, but I don’t correct them because I just don’t care. I didn’t change it because I like my last name better than his and since I got married in a different country, there was no opportunity to change my last name. If I want to change it to his last name, I’d have to do a bunch of paperwork here and I’m just not going to do that.

I don’t know why you feel like you have to explain it to anyone. It’s literally no one’s business.

Post # 36
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I will not be legally changing my name, but despite having felt for years that I would prefer to keep my name as is when I get married, now that it is actually my reality I have realised that I do want us to have a family/household name (even though we aren’t having children), so I will be referring to myself socially as “First MyLast-HisLast”. We already sign cards and things like that with our joined last names “Love, Myfirst and HisFirst MyLast-HisLast”.

Post # 37
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I’m not changing my last name. Some family members would prefer I hyphenated, but fi already has a hyphenated name and it’d be way too much. We’re probably going to hyphenate for our kids, but not all three names. We’ll chose just one of his. 

As for being announced at the wedding, our dj will say something like “for the first time as husband and wife, Haneul and Ji-hae” instead of “Mr and Mrs. Asian-Law-Firm” 

Post # 38
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I didn’t change my name and I’m the only daughter-in-law who hasn’t. I thought it would be a big deal with my in-laws but it really wasn’t. I suppose that they might be unhappy about it but just haven’t told me. Nobody’s really cared.

Post # 39
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

We just got our marraige license yesterday. 

I had called 2 lawyers and the county clerks office to ask about name changes since i have two middle names that are hyphanated, I wanted to drop one of them and bump my last name over. And everyone told me it WAS possible. 

So we get there, I fill out the paperwork and the girl tells me that it’s not possible and if she kept it like this the license would be void. So on the spot I had to make a choice. I ended up dropping both middle names, moving my last name into my middle name slot and then taking his last name. 

It was super stressed out about it lol. But in the end, I am good. I was only keepong 1 of the middle names becasue my Niece asked me too (we share that middle name).

 

Lucky for me both fiance and I have really pretty/cool last names. 

Post # 40
Hostess
3190 posts
Sugar bee

Def not changing my name. We also have two children together and both have my last name. Where I live now, the norm is for the kids to take the man’s name, married or not. I wasn’t cool with that. 

But I also don’t want to be associated with his family in any way in general, least of which by having their same last name. 

Post # 41
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2020

I like and will be keeping my last name because it’s unique and somewhat ambiguous. 

Our children will take on hyphenated last names for a silly but practical reason. 

Post # 42
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I didn’t change my last name. He did take mine because we’re not really interested in keeping his out of the picture dad’s legacy going and he really loves my family like his own. My family of course loved the idea. His grandparents didn’t care. His mom didn’t like it but she doesn’t still have his dad’s last name and they divorced over 30 years ago. She says it makes it look like he had a bad childhood (he did) and makes her look bad. We gave no weight to her opinion on it bc we can’t please her no matter what we do. Other than that everyone has been really supportive. I’m curious how many men with dead beat dad’s actually want to give their wives their dad’s name. I strongly believe names should be a personal decision between every couple based on their proffessiopr and personal attachments to their names to them and the sentimental value they place on the giving and receiving of a partner’s name.

Post # 43
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

lolac :  I kept my last name because Husband actually asked to take my last name instead of me taking his. I think you should do what you feel comfortable with. Some suggestions to consider may be taking your last name as a second middle name, and your fiancés last name as yours. And as for the introduction at the wedding, just have the officiant introduce you as “The new Mr. and Mrs!”

Post # 44
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

i only changed in it on facebook lol. my government name is the same, im too lazy go out my way and change everything. my husband is ok with it, he doesnt care much. 

Post # 45
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I didn’t change my name as I was perfectly happy with my own. My husband suggested changing his either to mine or to double barrel but basically it’s just a logistical pain and neither of us are that fussy about these things, so no one did anything and we’re quite happy with that 🙂 (“I need more logistical nightmares in my life!” said no one ever.)

On your question about children’s surnames, an American friend of mine has two kids – one took their father/her husband’s surname and the other took her surname (she wanted it to be “fair”). The kids are now in college and so far it doesn’t seem to have been a problem for them. I am personally just quite impressed as it’s quite forward thinking of them to have done all this 20+ years ago!

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