(Closed) any bees that chose eloping over traditional but really wanted a wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think I wanted both.

When I looked at how much the wedding would set us back, I was/am totally against the idea. Even though I had always pictured having a wedding I couldn’t justify that type of expense with us wanting to buy a home and have children in the very near future. I also realized after I met my Fiance that all I cared about was being married to him. How we got married didn’t so much matter.

Also, it’s honestly a lot of work and I’d rather not spend the months up until my wedding stressing and/or freaking out about all the things I have to do, decisions I have to make, etc.

When I realized that we could elope somewhere very nice and spend our honeymoon there for less than half the cost of a wedding I was sold.

I would really think long and hard about eloping though if I were you. I don’t think it’s for everyone. Just like having a wedding isn’t for everyone. What is important to you? What will make you happy? Maybe put the wedding off a bit so you can save and have the wedding of your dreams? Or get married soon, but have the wedding at a later date? Or elope if it’s to your taste.

Post # 4
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

We’re in a similar situation — our house is our number 1 priority; it needs a lot of renovations: new furnace, new roof; etc. (Retro orange and green shag? Both are still here!)

So far, we have only decided to keep it intimate (mostly immediate families only; few close friends). So far, the venues we have got in mind would allow for either an elopement or a wedding that hosts 100 guests. (I am budgeting for a max of 120 to 150, but it might end up being 80 to 100, or less.) We aren’t going to have anything professionally done. No professional wedding photography that makes it looks like we belong to a magazine cover. A friend offered to bake a wedding cake as a gift. My maid of honour is going to do my make-up. No DJ. No favours, unless I’m prepared to crochet 100 doilies or bake 100 cookies. I am almost opting for no bridal bouquet either. (We’re going to make our own traditions that reflects the both of us.)

If you are still wanting a wedding, it is still do-able on any budget. Don’t let vendors bully you emotionally. (Also, don’t disclose your budget to vendors as it reduces your negotiation power; keep them guessing or ask what’s their best price. I usually tell vendors that I will go for it if it is within my budget.)

Good luck! Do what makes the two of you happy. :o)

Post # 5
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

@carebee:  +1 to everything, especially:

I also realized after I met my Fiance that all I cared about was being married to him. How we got married didn’t so much matter.

THIS. I never imagined I would elope, but after thinking long and hard about it, eloping is the best fit for us. All we care about is being married; the rest is icing on the cake. We’ll celebrate with family and friends later, but on the day of, I want it to be just the two of us. 🙂
With that said, don’t elope if you think you’ll regret not having your dream wedding. You can push back the date to save up, or cut down the guest list to slash costs. Eloping isn’t your only option.

Post # 6
Member
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@futuremrswood25:  

 

So I was married before back in 1999.  My ex needed my insurance to get a life saving surgery (which ended up being three surgeries).  We did not have anything, dress, ring, or photographer, no guests – in fact, it was so blah that we went back to work.  I really regretted how it all went down.  It’s like it did not even register on anyone’s mind.  My own parents forgot I was married at times.

 

Fast forward 12 years and I am engaged officially – with a ring and proposal (I asked my H for those things because I never got them).  I also felt like it’s high time to have a wedding.  He has never been married before, I never had the wedding the first time.  The families have not even met yet, a wedding would bring everyone together.  We planed an awesome wedding in Jackson Hole, WY for everyone to meet and play.

 

WRONG.  It was such a mess, people did not want to travel, it was just such an issue for everyone (no money, no vacation days, my venue wasn’t fancy enough, what else is going on besides a wedding because that’s a lot of travel – 3 hour plane ride we’re talking, “so do you even need people to witness your wedding or not?”).

 

Despite me wanting to have my immediate family with me when I get married, it just was not happening.  I could wish all I want, but things were not aligning. 

 

We had a private wedding.  It was spectacular.  My family really missed out I think.  Only H’s parents were technically invited (they were the only ones who could travel) so they served as our legal witnesses.  We had our wedding in Canada (moved there only after everyone said they could not go) on a beautiful lake while on an 11 day road trip honeymoon.   I think we went “big” as far as views and specialness and making it truly “us.”

 

In hindsight, even though I would have like to have our immediate families all together in one big rental house in the mountains where we get married on the deck and we have a weekend together, I think our Plan B turned out even better than the Plan A.  I am not quite over their apathetic attitudes towards my wedding however.  That’s going to take years to get over!  They have officially changed my view of them.

 

Although my reasons for NOT having a full wedding are different than yours, sometimes the Plan B can turn out to be just as wonderful if not better than what you originally envisioned.  As my H put it, 90% of it is just the awesomeness of us getting married, the other 10% is just details.

 

Post # 7
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@sienna76:  

That is such a heart-warming story about your Plan B! 🙂 Where in lake in BC did you get married?

Fiance and I are planning to have it in the Rockies next summer. We might run into similar situation where people won’t feel like driving 3 to 6 hours from the city to come to a wedding. Oh well, if it ends up being less than 28 people, I could always rent a lodge for two nights for $3,600; with a kitchen stocked of food (catering is extra cost).

Post # 8
Member
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Cynderbug:  Ooh, where in the Rockies are you thinking?  Plan B (or C…) can still be awesome!

 

 

 

We got married at Emerald Lake in Yoho National Park.

Post # 9
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

@sienna76:  Surprised It is so romantic and so beautiful!!! 

 

Fiance and I are still deciding which places to go. It’s a toss up between Kananaskis, Waterton, and Valemount (the latter was where Fiance proposed!). I still have yet to see what kind of packages are available in Canmore. But I shan’t jack this thread. 🙂 I have my venue planning thread here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/help-suggestions-on-canadian-rocky-mountains-dw-venues#axzz2TKaSK79W

 

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