So I was married before back in 1999. My ex needed my insurance to get a life saving surgery (which ended up being three surgeries). We did not have anything, dress, ring, or photographer, no guests – in fact, it was so blah that we went back to work. I really regretted how it all went down. It’s like it did not even register on anyone’s mind. My own parents forgot I was married at times.
Fast forward 12 years and I am engaged officially – with a ring and proposal (I asked my H for those things because I never got them). I also felt like it’s high time to have a wedding. He has never been married before, I never had the wedding the first time. The families have not even met yet, a wedding would bring everyone together. We planed an awesome wedding in Jackson Hole, WY for everyone to meet and play.
WRONG. It was such a mess, people did not want to travel, it was just such an issue for everyone (no money, no vacation days, my venue wasn’t fancy enough, what else is going on besides a wedding because that’s a lot of travel – 3 hour plane ride we’re talking, “so do you even need people to witness your wedding or not?”).
Despite me wanting to have my immediate family with me when I get married, it just was not happening. I could wish all I want, but things were not aligning.
We had a private wedding. It was spectacular. My family really missed out I think. Only H’s parents were technically invited (they were the only ones who could travel) so they served as our legal witnesses. We had our wedding in Canada (moved there only after everyone said they could not go) on a beautiful lake while on an 11 day road trip honeymoon. I think we went “big” as far as views and specialness and making it truly “us.”
In hindsight, even though I would have like to have our immediate families all together in one big rental house in the mountains where we get married on the deck and we have a weekend together, I think our Plan B turned out even better than the Plan A. I am not quite over their apathetic attitudes towards my wedding however. That’s going to take years to get over! They have officially changed my view of them.
Although my reasons for NOT having a full wedding are different than yours, sometimes the Plan B can turn out to be just as wonderful if not better than what you originally envisioned. As my H put it, 90% of it is just the awesomeness of us getting married, the other 10% is just details.