Any Bee's "walk date" approaching very soon?

posted 5 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

I know for a fact I am leaving in October when our lease expires. STBX doesn’t know. There was a whole brouhaha about this a few days ago. I have my reasons for keeping mum about my walk date. I no longer have faith in a proposal so I’m mainly saving money to leave.

Post # 3
Member
11 posts
Newbee

My walk date is New Years. He doesn’t know. He will hopefully propose before then as our 10 year is in December but we are both young still. 

 

Post # 4
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2018

No one but you and your guy should know that date. Where’s the respect and sanctity of the relationship without that privacy?

I do want every lady to know that ESPECIALLY if you have a good man who didn’t abuse you or disrespect you, and is loving and caring to you, to make sure you are kind, gentle, calm, and rational when you are communicating with him about the relationship and how you feel and what you need.

 

Sometimes bad handling of your frustrated /resentful emotions get the best of you and THAT  becomes the main reason that ends the relationship—– not his delays.

Point here is be vulnerable, not angry, when you talk with him. Be ready to accept that maybe this relationship won’t last– and be angry and sad about that *alone*, release it, get over it, THEN invite him to the discussion in a mature non combative way, after you’ve come to peace with it. Then with him, stay loving yet assertive regarding your needs. And stick with it. 

Post # 5
Member
430 posts
Helper bee

I don’t really understand having a walk-date without your SO knowing that you want them to propose by that date… What’s the reasoning to keeping it a secret?

Post # 7
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee

newyorkweddingbee :  I see both sides. On one hand, you don’t want to force someone’s hand. You want them to do what you’ve conveyed to them time and time again. But on the other hand, I think if the roles were reversed I would want to know if my partner was thinking about leaving me. Let’s say my partner’s walk date is June 30 but I am planning a July 4 proposal. 

  • This reply was modified 4 months, 4 weeks ago by  bewitched. Reason: typos
Post # 8
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee

I think if you’ve made it known that you want marriage and he has declined to do anything about that he knows you’re unhappy. Personally I wouldn’t tell him a walk date, I’d just leave and let him figure it out.

Post # 9
Member
1827 posts
Buzzing bee

There’s another scenario… say that for years, Boyfriend or Best Friend has promised he’ll propose “soon” and the Girlfriend finally sits him down for a timeline talk because she’s been hearing “soon” for too long. And he promises it will be by Christmas 2018.   I think it would be reasonable for her to set a walk date of, Day, Valentine’s Day 2019 and not share that date with him.  He’s promised “I will propose by Christmas”, and she’s giving him until then plus a little extra in case of potential jewelry SNAFUs (delayed shipping, etc.)  

Post # 10
Member
430 posts
Helper bee

newyorkweddingbee :   bewitched :   misslucy :  Yeah, that all makes sense. I was imaging a situation where no time-line or specifics have been discussed, in which case, withholding a walk date seems a bit mean and pointless. However, depending on how much marriage has been discussed, I totally see how withholding the date is fair. 

Post # 11
Member
19 posts
Newbee

My walk date is not that soon: end of 2018, but just wanna chime in. Because our plan was to get married by the end of this year, i decided to give him to the very last day. One thing is that if he doesn’t propose in upcoming 1-3 months, a wedding as planned is not likely to happen and i will have the reason to walk by then. But i still say in my mind “end of 2018”. Am I in vain? :((

Post # 12
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I have been with my guy over 9 years. I have heard “soon” for 4 years. Now the only imaginable obstacle is out of the way. We have had many discussion of marriage almost weekly or at least monthly and if he doesn’t propose by the new year it is because he doesn’t want to or our relationship isn’t important enough as expectations have already been set. My promised proposal date has already been passed and I’m giving him extra time as it is.

 

Post # 13
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee

bluebee1208 :  You are not vain at all! You’ve explained to your SO that it’s not realistic to expect you to wait until the last month of the year to get engaged and then plan a wedding within a few weeks to fit your timeline. I hope it all works out for you!

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