(Closed) Any Brides not changing their name??

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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BMoreBecc: I’m keeping my name, since I have a professional reputation built on it. 

My Fiance doesn’t care. He’s planning to keep his as well. 

Sure people have opinions, but I’m an adult; I do what I want. 

Post # 3
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Redondo Beach Historic Library

I’m keeping mine. Here’s a question, why should I change it? Why shouldn’t he change it instead? (Besides customs, patriarchy, yadda yadda…) FI doesn’t care whatsoever. My reasoning is that my name is a symbol of my identity and marrying doesn’t change my identity.

edit: just read the article you linked and I basically summarized it in three sentences without meaning to lol

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 5 months ago by winterxrose.
Post # 4
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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bitsybee:  I say that we’ve both decided to keep our names when people ask me too. It’s a small thing but it makes me feel like I’m challenging the patriarchal assumptions. 

Post # 5
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I kept my name.  Mainly, because I legally changed my last name before a number of years before I met my now hubbie.  My current last name is my, now late, Granny’s madien name.  I know she was very happy when I chose her name.  We were very close.

My hubbie doesn’t care.  Some have assumed that I changed my name.  I just let them know if it comes up.

Post # 6
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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BMoreBecc:  I always want to ask why anyone’s Fiance would care? That’s something I just do not get. Obviously everyone has different values and priorities but I would not be able to marry someone who did care. Like how many men does anyone know who would marry a woman who got upset if he wouldn’t take her last name. 

Post # 7
Member
3527 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not changing my name. My partner doesn’t care (and it’s not his choice, anyway). The reason is mostly “why should I?”. I haven’t heard one good reason to do it, so I’m just not. I haven’t had many reactions (but then again haven’t really broadcast it either), but have been told I’m weird for not changing my name….oh well 😛

Post # 8
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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BMoreBecc:  I thought I would change mine but I haven’t.  I’m undecided, and it’s kind of just been fogotten as a topic.  DH would probably like it if I took his name but he’s not going to fuss over it either way.  I have never received an opinion from anyone else.  I don’t think anyone else has noticed if I changed my name or not.  And I know they would not care one bit whether I did or not.

My mom can’t pronounce my husbands last name so she’s never going to call me by it whether I change it or not.  My husband is estranged from his father and has been since he was a young teen, so the name is not particularly special to him.  He is the only person with his name in his entire family. I might be more inclined to change my name if it was the name of his family that I adore.  His mom, step father & siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins all have a different name.  

We also married a little bit older so I’m kinda attached to my name at this point.  Sometimes I think maybe I’ll save it for an anniversary surprise for him.

Post # 9
Member
743 posts
Busy bee

I’m keeping my name because I see absolutely no reason why I should change it. My Fi told me it was my decision (and if he hadn’t it would have been a major issue). Thus far no one has cared.

Post # 10
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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BMoreBecc:  Maybe, maybe not. I feel that I really have the freedom to do what I want, and based on my lifestyle and community neither decision would be making a “statement.” I think if I lived someplace where everyone changed their name, my feminist beliefs would tilt me in the favor of keeping mine — just to show that there is another option, and that it’s a decision and not a necessity. But my life is nothing like that and I don’t think anyone will care either way. I have a professional background under my name, but my fiance has a much shorter and less complicated name. I haven’t really decided. I think I won’t do anything right away and I’ll see how I feel later on. I’m certainly not opposed to taking it. I guess I’m leaning towards that – because his name will make my life SO much easier (no more spelling out a really long last name constantly), and because I do think it’s nice to have a united name. We discussed both taking both, but that would get so long. I might do it anyway, and maybe he will take my last name as a middle name.

Post # 11
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - backyard wedding!!

I’m not changing mine. I did with my prior marriage and after my divorce went back to my maiden name. Not going to change it ever again. Fiance is totally fine and happy with it. My family is cool w ith. His family is kind of shocled but ok. 

Post # 12
Member
35 posts
Newbee

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BMoreBecc:  When I get married I am going to change mine 🙂 obviously I’m more traditonal than other people, but to me, changing my surname is part of marriage – We will be Mr and Mrs “X”. It also means when we have children we will all share the same family name and that means a lot to me! 

Post # 13
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I read the article, and while I do agree with the sentiment, there is one point I am not on board with.

“Well, what if your husband did hyphenate his name, too?”: Great for equality, but then it would be two people changing their identity for marriage.”

I think this makes clear that there are two issues. Equality is important for me, but I do believe that your identity changes when you make a life committment to someone. You are no longer one for one, but now part of a team and having a life partner becomes part of your identity. Therefore, I am not opposed to both partners changing their names. I am curious to know what others think about this.

 

Post # 14
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Oh! One last thing,sometimes I hear people on these boards worry about future children and travel, etc. In Canada at least, if you want to travel abroad with your children without your spouse you have to have a notarized letter from them giving you permission to take your children out of the country regardless of last name. So, really, no difference on that front.

Post # 15
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I don’t want to change my name. A few years ago before we were even engaged my Fiance and I were talking about it and he seemed really hurt that I wouldn’t want to take  his name. I don’t know why he was surprised as he knows I’m not traditional and all for gender equality. We haven’t discussed since being engaged but his family had asked and I just answer with an “I don’t know”. I have been this name for 34 years. I earned my masters degree with this name and have worked professional with it. Plus its a cool name!! Thanks for bringing it up since I want to discuss with him again. 🙂

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