Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2015 - Redondo Beach Historic Library
My joke answer is that our couple name among our friends is already Myfirstname-hislastname!
I understand this viewpoint and I would see both partners changing their names as the fact that they are creating a new family unit, not changing their identities.
I had another thought – my fiance and I are come from different ethnic backgrounds and religions, and our last names reflect those backgrounds. It would be incredibly weird to me for one of us to take the other’s last name since neither of us will change our religion or ethnicity.
Post # 17
I won’t be changing mine. I think my partner is a little bummed, but he doesn’t really mind. Once I suggested he change his name to mine he saw my point! We’ve decided that future kids will have his name because he is the last one with his unusual family name. I said that I was okay with this as long as we had a discussion about it and he realized it wasn’t a given that they would automatically have his name. I want to give them my last name as a second middle name.
I don’t know a single woman from my hometown who hasn’t changed her name, but the vast majority of people in my local circle of friends have kept their name, so I don’t expect much push-back.
Post # 18
I’m not changing mine. When we first talked about getting married, I thought I would take his, but as the prospect of changing my name has become more real I’ve realized I don’t want to do it. First, I’m almost 30 years old. I’ve had my name a long time. Second, I’m a feminist and I resent the whole tradition.
My fiance doesn’t mind at all, and I haven’t gotten any flack from my parents either (thankfully).
I’ve actually read that it’s becoming less common for married women to keep their name, which I’m sort of disappointed by. It seems like a lot of bees keep their names tough.
Post # 19
Thanks for the responses ladies! I don’t think I’ll be changing mine. This is my 2nd marriage. It took my 2 and a half years after my divorce was finalized before I finally went back to my maiden. I had this traditional idea that I was supposed to have the same last name as my daughter. But then I just woke up one day and said “No, I’m not his wife anymore!” And I changed it back. And then I got engaged again, but I truly just feel that…your name is your identity. It’s part of who you are. I don’t want to change my identity for anyone! People definitely offer their opinions on it, whether I ask them to or not! I constantly get asked why don’t I hyphenate. But just like the article said, he isn’t going to hyphenate his name! Why should I?
Obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I’m not judging anyone who did decide to change their name. I just feel strongly about the fact that I was born Rebecca (Maiden name) and I’m going to die Rebecca (Maiden name) 🙂
Post # 20
Oh, also someone had commented about not caring what Fiance thought, or why would you marry someone who cared if you changed your name or something to that degree. Honestly, Fiance was hurt to learn I didn’t want to change mine. It wasn’t a deal breaker. If he had said “fine I’m not marrying you,” I would have simply said “ok bye then!” We did have a conversation about it. He just felt that “It was tradition, we are supposed to be a family, etc” To which I replied – we are going to be a family regardless. A name won’t change that. And people also didn’t traditonally live together before marriage. We broke that tradition – why not this one?
Post # 21
I guess I meant men who care enough to make a big fuss and put a lot of pressure on a woman to change her name. I mean, I hoped my future husband would take my name (it’s awesome!) but you ask and then you drop it.
Post # 22
I am keeing mine. He is keeping his. We also currently (and proabaly never) want kids, so that is a non-issue. I like my name, and I also have a business tied to it. I have not gotten a lot of negative responses abotu this, and his family has been really understanding about it. His aunts actually said ” I would not take (HIS LAST NAME)! It’s a weird spelling and no one knows how to say it. I also run in a pretty liberal circle of friends, many who have different last names than their spouses, so I am sure if I did take his name, some people would be surpriesed by that. <br />For the ceremony, we re just making sure the minister says somethng like “husband and wife” and not Mr. and Mrs. We are also pritning both our full names and signing them on the thank you cards as another hint to people who may not ask or assume that I may change my name.
I am not sure how I would respond in public if/when someone assumes I have his name. I don’t want to be a jerk about it, but I also prefer for people to let me know if I saying their name wrong, ect.
A question for all who are not changing their name, are you going to go my Miss Yourname, Ms. Yourname or Mrs. Yourname. Not a big deal in the whole scheme of things, just curious.
Post # 23
that’s a very good question! I hadn’t even thought of that. I’m interested to know how some of our fellow bees handle that as well 🙂
Post # 24
some men definitely do change theirs. My Fiance said hell no lol.
Post # 25
I will be changing my name because 1) Im not attached to my last name 2)want the same name as him and my future kids 3)I would looooove a fresh start with my online presence so I can craft a professional appearance, right now when you Google me there’s just too many pics and info and old blog posts and work dating back to the dawn of the Internet.
but I totally get why some aren’t into it. I also think the article is a bit much… She doesn’t think anyone should change their indentity for marriage… Well okay? You’re becoming a wife. He’s becoming a husband. Name or no name everyones identity is changing. Only way to avoid that is to not get married!
Post # 26
Good point. Your identity is technically changing when you get married.
Post # 27
I am not planning on changing my last name when SO and I get married. It just seems pretty pointless to me. I’m not keeping my last name for any type of feminist beliefs (even though I do agree with them for the most part), but my only real reason for not changing my name is because it just seems like a hassle to do all of the paperwork. Plus, my last name is short and easy while SO’s is long and difficult to spell.
When I told my SO he was a little upset at first. He said it was ultimately my decision. Now if I mention maybe changing my name, he tells me no because he knows I don’t really want to.
I haven’t told anyone that I’m not planning on changing my name. I will probably socially go by his name and not correct people, but if it comes up I know his parents would be upset. We’re not all that close though, so I’m not too worried about what they think.
Post # 28
I always thought I’d change mine just because it’s uncommon and difficult to remember let alone pronounce but as i grew older, I’ve decided to keep it partially because I’m Italian and our tradition is to keep your maiden name but also because it is part of who i am and I’m not changing who i am for my future husband. He is also very attached to his name and finds it is a crucial part of his identity so he is completely understanding. Plus, if i were to change my name, I’d have to change it in three different countries which is definitely not worth the hassle and it may cause legal issues since I’ve lived abroad a lot.
I won’t, however, get upset or really bother to correct people if they assume I’ve changed my name and I’ll probably use them interchangeably socially.
Post # 29
I’ll continue to go by Ms. MyLastName because I never adopted Miss (nor will I adopt Mrs.) because my marital status is not something I want front-and-center of professional interactions.
If anyone calls me Mrs. HisLastName socially, I’ll probably respond, because I am his wife and they probably don’t know that I didn’t legally change my name.
Post # 30
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
Lol, no. It’s my name.
I did that thing in my early teens where I wrote “Mrs Crushlastname” on my notebook, and felt like a knob. It just wasn’t me. I am going to be a Ms to Ms.
He doesn’t have an issue with me keeping my name (“luckily”). I generously offered him mine but surprise surprise he wasn’t excited to take it either. I tried to feel disappointed but couldn’t, I guess because I haven’t been brought up to expect another adult who already has a name to change it to mine.
I have heard the objection that in doing this I promote the patriarchy by keeping my father’s name over taking my husband’s. This is BS imho. It is my name now. I have had it my whole life. I operate independently of my father, and I am the next generation of this name. Changing your name is a pain in the arse that I hope to avoid. Changing my name retrospectively would be cutting off my nose to spite my face. I don’t hate my father, I just don’t like these traditions.
I am keeping the name I have always had and we’ll negotiate about kids last names in the future as the need arises.