- 10 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
Well I can’t really change what other people use, but I would never do that to my kid. Just different styles of parenting, some work and some don’t. I think a lot of it is dependent on the child. I think robbing a child of a childhood and those experiences is mean.
I wouldn’t say I agree with it completely but I think that things like letting kids sign up for something and then just quit right away because it stresses them a little bit isnt healthy either. I think that some things in that article might be considered extreme – but to me it is all about balance. There are many great lessons about work in that article that I want my children to understand – does that mean no to sleepovers – not for me it doesnt, but I can see how some points in the article about teaching your children that not everything in life is easy, are great teaching points for life.
I read that earlier today and it made me so angry. I’m Asian, and my parents tried to emulate this parenting style. I have a lot of really negative feelings about it. Sure, the kids might grow up to be successful… but are they happy? Do they have a good relationship with their parents aymore? What about the disproportionately high rate of suicide among asian teens and young adults? Hmmmm, could that have anything to do with being forced to live up to ridiculously high expectations and repeatedly being told that you’re a worthless failure when you don’t?
I’m not Asian, but my mom was pretty on top of me about my grades and my music and stuff. For what it’s worth, I hate my mom – but I do kick ass at those things. I guess it depends on what you’re going for when you choose that style of parenting. 😛
(And for the record, she wasn’t as completely strict as in that article, just pretty close – and it’s not the only reason I hate her. If that clarifies at all.)
We are firm believers in “if you sign up for an activity, you follow it through.” Mainly because the activities they participate in often have a wait list of kids who didn’t get in. We’ve told our kids that it’s not fair to the other kids who wanted to play the sport but didn’t get the chance to up and quit after a few practices/games.
There are a lot of lessons we teach our kids but don’t need to prohibit them from doing fun things in order to get those lessons across.
I think it’s fine if you dont mind not having a close and warm relationship with your kids (not all parents dont). For some the ends justify the means, and that’s fine. I find that that success, honor, and respect are far far more important in non-western cultures than love and warmth.
The problem is when these parents come to America (or other Western cultures) and try to treat their kids like how it is ‘back home’. It backfires almost all of the time cause people dont realize that you can come to America and sacrifice for opportunities but you WILL have to sacrifice some of your culture as well. You typically can’t have it both ways. Your kids will absorb American culture and often times it is at odds with the parents’ home culture. I have seen relationships be destroyed over this.
I agree with some of the themes of the article, but not the technique. I do not agree that being good at math and music = success. In my mind, happiness = success, which makes test scores completely irrelevant. I do agree, however, that children are not in the best position to make decisions and thus sometimes parents need to override their preferences and push for academic success to broaden the child’s possibilities in the future. I also believe in the premise that you should assume excellence and expect it from your children. The whole “not keeping score everyone is a winner” thing annoys me because that is not life. Children need to learn about winning and losing, and that the work you put into something has a direct result on the outcome you get. But, they also need to learn that if you lose it doesn’t mean you’re garbage, it just means you lost.
All I can say is that I grew up with hundreds of these stereotypical “successful” kids. From what I know or see on FB, only a few of them are amazingly successful and the rest are still living with their parents, driving nice cars, finished University/college, but have no way of surviving on their own in the real world. As adults, they now struggle to find the motiviation or common sense to find their “own” career. I believe in some of the techniques. I believe a lot of so called western parents dream and hope too much to be “friends” with their children where most asian parents would never even think of being “friends” with their children. I do agree with some forms of parenting from the article.
I sorta feel like my dad raised me in that Chinese style, and neither of my parents are Chinese! But I always had so much pressure on me to be involved in academic activities and get straight A+. Like if I got an A or an A- I was told it wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t really allowed to be in sports either, only nerdy activities.
I don’t agree with all of it and I’m not sure if the chinese are this strict. I’m vietnamese and my parents were strict, not as much as the article states. Do the chinese really follow every single rule or do some parents chose what to be strict about. That’s what my parents did. They were strict with certain things. Now, I’m going to be the strict parent and the DH is going to be the less strict parent… well in terms of school work. We’ve seen friends and family who try to be best friends with their kids and try to get along with them, we both think that there’s a time and a place to be friends and a time and a place to be strict.
Since I came from a stricter childhood, I do stand behind it. Now, within reason. I’m going to stress the importance of getting good grades. B’s or better for my kids. Now, all kids are different and so you have to adapt but if one of my kids is really struggling, then I’m going adjust it for them.
I do have to admit that my parents were strict and yeah, I didn’t get along with my parents in school and yes, there aren’t the lovely dovey type. But looking back, they made all of my brothers and sister independent. There were some physical abuse issues that I am not fond of that they used but somehow all of my brothers and sisters are very successful. I joke that I can’t believe all of us are doing so well. So with that said, I do believe you can have successful kids with the fine balance of strictness and loving environment. At least I think so. I do think that I would rather be a strict parent then a parent that doesn’t give their kids any rules or boundaries. So I think parenting styles are kinda hard to argue about. I think how I raise my child will be a hybrid of what I learned from my parents that worked and avoid things that didn’t work. You’re going to raise your child how you think they should be raised. Kids are different. Some need a strict environment and some don’t.
That’s just my opinion on this.
I think that is just straight up wrong… i will always cheer my child on to be the best they can but what matters to me is if they try. I have one 2 year old daughter and I cannot wait till her first school play. I want her to chose her own extracurricular activities and be her own person. That is just all ridiculous in my opinion
I do not agree with that “parenting style” at all. IMO you cant even call that parenting, its more like controlling and dictating. But each to their own I suppose. I guess in my mind I’d prefer my son to be happy rather than successful intelectually.
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