(Closed) Any Bees agree with this parenting style?

posted 10 years ago in Parenting
Post # 47
Member
5920 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

They are discussing this on The Today Show right now.  It seems very extreme to me, but to each their own.

Post # 48
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

Seems emotionally abusive to me. Anybody who calls their children “garbage” has issues (in my opinion)..so many more things wrong with it I think, but I’ll stop there.

People define success in different ways. That is not how I define success-at all.

Post # 49
Member
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think the article made some great points… especially regarding the amount of “hands on” parenting between (we’ll just call it) “successful” kids and “less successful” children. I liked the point where she said that if a child brought home a B some would be praised, while the other mom would go get practice tests and help the kid achieve better. How many kids bring home D’s these day’s and the parents storm the school asking why their kid is getting poor grades! Meanwhile, at home, they only watch TV, eat junk, stay up late, and get no sleep. (I’m sure a lot of teachers will attest to this as all my teacher friends do). They don’t do homework with their children and enroll them in sport after sport and leave the academics to school time only.

Maybe it’s “extreme” and not all points are brilliant imho, but there’s def. something to learn there. That sometimes what a kid thinks is “their best” and what truly is “their best” is different and a push is all that’s needed to excel. 

Last night DH and I stopped by Walmart to grab something really fast at 10pm after our volleyball game (ya, we were the kids always enrolled in sports :). As we were walking in there were 2 approximately 3rd grade boys jumping up and down, yelling, and kicking each other while crossing the road into walmart. Their mom was on her cell phone about 10 yards back and could care less. In My Humble Opinion, these kids should 1) be in bed as it’s a school night 2) be looking before crossing the street 3) not be yelling and kicking each other! A lot of parents are VERY hands off today and it drives me crazy even though I’m not a mom yet… Maybe the “chinese style” spoken of in the article is extreme… but I feel it’s less detrimental* than the other extreme. 

*Note I didn’t say perfect or flawless

Post # 50
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I read the article and I see a lot of similarities between my parenting style and the style outlined in the article. I don’t call my daughter dumb or stupid or anything like that, but I do expect her to perform HER best. This means that even though a “B” is considered a good grade, if I know she can make an “A” I let her know it and I work with her until she does. I will say, she balked at first but now she LIKES being challenged, she LIKES knowing that I believe that she is strong and smart enough to handle whatever is thrown at her. She used to HATE math…with a passion. It was tears and negotiations and half-ass effort. But then I printed off some practice sheets, bought a white board and went over her lessons over and over and over until it clicked. Now math and science are her favorite subjects. 

As parents, you have to make a choice. Either you are your child’s friend or their parent…you really can’t be both. Like I tell my daughter…we are friendLY…but we are not friends. Once she finishes school, finds a career, and becomes a self-sufficient, productive member of society, THEN we can be friends b/c my job as a parent would be done….the main part anyway b/c you never stop being a parent. 

 

Post # 51
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m not a parent yet, but I am a teacher and I see a lot of kids taking the easy way out …not studying, not putting any effort in, and this being accepted by their parents. Parents constantly make excuses for their kids… and diagnose them with learning disabilities without talking to a professional.

I was raised in a loving and warm home, but my parents were also extremely strict. I remember being terrified of facing my parents if I brought home anything less than 75% or even 80%. I understood, and still understand why. They would always tell me that the reason they were so upset was because they was aware of what I was capable of, and therefore, they expected that much more from me. I was never abused, but I was disciplined when I brought home marks that were less than my ability.

I think that there is such thing as balance, and that practicing a musical instrument 5 hours a day and losing it over an A- is overdoing it. But I do also believe that children need to disciplined, and to be taught that they can’t get everything easily in life. There are wayyyyy too many lazy kids out there…believe me.. I see it every day.

Post # 52
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

I was the lazy kid. It took me at least the decade in my 20’s to grow out of it but bad habits die hard.  Growing up, my parents did everything for me and let me start and quit things at a whim. I was an expert socializer by the time I finished high school and my grades were good but classes I took were mediocre or ‘easy’. I wouldn’t stick with anything that was hard. Later, I wished I had a special talent for music or a specific sport or dance.

The hard thing is that I started off with an extremely high IQ, tested into gifted programs in elementary school and then after my parent’s divorce, was never pushed to my potential. Thankfully, I ended up attracting the ‘right’ kind of friends and people in my life and thus shaped and learned how to become more self-sufficient. I don’t know what kind of parent I will be, but I hope to instill more discipline, work ethic and perseverance into my child than i had growing up.

Post # 53
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I guess everyone has their own parenting style and I think this parenting style will work well for some and not for others – clearly by the variance of responses on just this thread along. I, however, do not agree with this parenting style in the sense that I will not raise my children this way. I am not going to judge another on how they have raised their child because 1)I have never been a parent and 2)to each their own. I do believe in discipline and obedience but I also believe in fostering independence. My parents allowed me to do whatever extracurriculars I wanted while I was growing up and I loved that. While I never stuck with something very long, I was able to experience so many different things. I have done different types of dance, gymnastics, played the piano, all different types of sports, etc. and Im grateful that I had the opportunity to try so many different things. I was allowed to watch TV but only limited to 1 hour a day, if that. No, I am not the most successful person and I am not the most driven person, but I am happy. To me being happy as an adult is more important than being successful or having the best job, car, house, whatever. I have a very good relationship with my parents and it is because they allowed me to do things and fostered my individuality.

Post # 54
Member
5920 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@PitBulLover: Ditto at everything you just said.

Post # 56
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

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@mrbee: Im definitely going to read that one too! Thanks

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@Linz1231: Youl probably agree with this too….I forgot to mention that some of my most wonderful childhood memories are from sleepovers! And it was such a bonding experience – it was a time to share secrets and say things you could never say around your parents!

Post # 57
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I also dont really understand why Amy Chua thinks that the arts are considered “non-essential” – what a deprived life without art and music whether that be photography, painting, drawing, sculpting, playing the guitar, the drums, etc….

Post # 58
Member
5920 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@PitBulLover: I loved sleepovers – especially when I started cheerleading in middle school.  Those were truly some of my best memories. And not every sleepover or extracurricular activity leads to you being less successful in other areas.

Post # 59
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

Hey guys… definitely read that followup article.  The original excerpt doesn’t represent her latest thinking!

Post # 60
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

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@mrbee: I read the follow up article – its crazy how much the media can skew things! Now I would really like to read her book. No parent will be perfect and I think that seems to be what she is saying. She knows that some of the things she did were not the best, but she also knows that some of the things she did really did work. Thanks for posting that second link!

Post # 61
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

@MrBEE-  I liked the follow up article explaining how the author didn’t pick that title and it was her book spliced up. The actual book is more of a “coming of age book for parents.” Very interesting read.

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