(Closed) Any engaged bees worried they won't be happy?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Are you going to be able to get a job with more traditional hours?  I know that when my and fiance’s schedules are very different it feels a lot different, relationship-wise, than when our schedules match up better.  

I would also plan a date night once a week.  

 

As far as grieving for your cousin, you know that everyone grieves differently.  You need to tell your fiance that you are not over your cousin’s death and that you will be sad for a while.  Being told to buck up is rude.  Tell him he was rude.  But you also need to tell him what you need him to say or do when you are upset.  

Post # 4
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Big Truck:  I am engaged and have many of the same issues. We don’t live together and I am wondering how it will work out once we are married and under one roof. I am the one who gets up at 6 and my Fiance is the ultimate night owl. We also have a lot of emotionally draining things going on. Both of us have health and employment issues as well as chronically ill parents who we are helping to care for. I also want a child, and am worried that our advanced ages and likely fertility problems are going to make this impossible. And there are other things in that mix. I think it will be a big adjustment and I do worry sometimes, but my gut and my heart are telling me to proceed. Try to listen to what your gut and heart say.

Post # 6
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m just going to give you big cyber hugs. The first year or so of our relationship FH and I were on completely different schedules. I worked 5am to 130pm, and he worked 415pm to 445am. Problem was he worked 45 mins away from where we lived at the time, so he’d have to be out of the house by 3, and he would usually sleep til 2. So we had an hour each afternoon, maybe. Sex forget about it, it wasn’t in the cards much.

It made my day, my year, my life when he got “promoted” to day shift. But communication is definitely the way to get through it and just try to really enjoy the time you do have together.  And really don’t feel bad if you need a little you time to relax.  I felt for a very long time that I had to be home with FH when he was home just so I could see him. But then I also realized I was missing out on things important to me, like friends or down time. If you need an hour or two at the pool, take it. It’ll make you a better person and happier in the long run:)

Post # 7
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m actually really glad you posted this because it sounds very similar to my situation right now.  I get up to go to work at 5:00 a.m., he doesn’t get home until after midnight.  It’s lonely and sometimes I just want attention!!

As far as the sex thing…I am with you 100% on that.  We have been living together for over four years, so I keep telling myself that it is normal and besides…who has time to have sex?  I’m so dang tired at the end of the day the absolute last thing I want to do is lay there with a mental to-do list in my head while he is getting his. 

I don’t know your relationship personally, but I do know that I have a lot of the same feelings you have and I do know that this is not abnormal.  Sure, some people might say it is, but every relationship is different.  I know that at the end of the day he is my best friend and there is nobody else that I would rather lose sleep over waiting for them to get home from work : )

Post # 8
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

IMO, if your job is putting your relationship in that much stress, I’d do your best to find a new one. My sister got a new job right after getting married and the schedule was similar. She was working night and her new husband was working days. They never saw each other and when they did, she was fried and in her own words, a total bitch to him. I think she lasted about 8 weeks before realizing her marriage needed to come before her job. Now, she didn’t just up and quit, but she starting looking immediately. She was lucky and found something in a few weeks. Now she and her Darling Husband are so much happier! She took a pay cut, but it’s still plenty to help support them, and their relationship is better 🙂 

I say if you’re able to find something else and still make enough, do it! 

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