(Closed) Any family lawyers? Custody question

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

No advice for you, but wish you luck!! He is adorable!! 🙂 I hope you get to see him if your hubby gets deployed. He needs to know he is still cared about even if daddy isn’t there with him. We’re military. I feel ya! 🙂

Post # 4
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is the best advice I can give, hope it helps!

My ex and I have been battling custody for over a year (ugh). Neither of us are married, but I am engaged and the ex lives with his parents. We have set times for visitation. When it is the exs time (2 days a week for 6 hours) reguardless of if he is there or not, he gets his time. What I mean is, that since he lives with his parents, his parents get the time even if the ex isn’t there. So, the exs parents actually are allowed to go and pick my son up at the start of the ex’s visitation time. Also, when it “my” time (i say “my” time because my son lives with us!) i can have anybody have him and do whatever I want. So the other day, i had to work and daycare was closed, but instead of spending time with his dad or his dad’s parents, my son spent the day and time with my fiance’s parents.

I think that if you have a parenting plan set in place that states times, then no matter if your husband is around, you will get that time. It is legally his time to have his son, so no matter who is there, “he” gets his son.

I hope that helps and I hope that everything works out for you.

Post # 6
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I think you will definitely need to talk to a family lawyer, but my understanding (and I am still a non-lawyer, so this is not legal advice!) is that the parent’s spouse doesn’t have any parental rights if the other parent doesn’t want to give them. That doesn’t mean you can’t change the custody agreement, but it probably means that you can’t change it if the mother doesn’t want to change it.

Post # 7
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@spaniel…I was about to say basically the same thing. Spouse’s don’t  have any parental rights other than those explicitly spelled out in the custody agreement.

@derbybride…I just went through another round of the whole custody/visitation song and dance with my daughter’s father. I guess I would be on the opposite side of the equation in that my daughter will not be going to visit her father if her father is not in residence and able to be her primary caregiver. I would never sign anything that would make it any different either….I have my reasons.

Also, I may be in the minority here…but I think it’s best if you hammer out all of the custody arrangements at once. Pulling a “bait and switch” by having her sign an agreement that gives you rights that she may not agree with could backfire. She can always get a lawyer and change the agreement in a way that would further limit the childs contact with you and your family. That’s the thing with custody agreements…they can be changed at any time.

Post # 8
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I work in the legal field though not in family law. That said, I think there is no way a judge would just because you guys do not agree with his mother’s parenting style. Further, it seems really odd to presume that his behavior is soley to do with his mom and/or lack of discipline alone. Perhaps the transition from households is what is hard on a young child, KWIM? Either way, I really can’t see a judge granting an order like that without there being some very, very serious issues. But, you can ask for whatever you want, of course.  

As a mother myself, I would fight tooth and nails against this. She is willing to allow you access to the child via lunches and stuff, so you will be able to remain in his life while your spouse is gone. To me, that is being more than generous considering this is not your child (although I’m sure you really love him very much).



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