(Closed) Any fellow bees with a difficult bridesmaid?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do about this bridesmaid?
    tell her she's not in the wedding, she's being ridiculous! : (3 votes)
    14 %
    have a talk with her about cooperating and go from there : (13 votes)
    62 %
    she's not being crazy, you need to stop being so hard on her : (1 votes)
    5 %
    just put up with it, it's no big deal : (4 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    4687 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

    You need to have a gentle but firm chat with her. It’s not her wedding. She’s being REALLY difficult, are you sure she wants to be in the wedding? I could never deal with someone that annoying.

    Post # 4
    84 posts
    Worker bee

    @lealorali:  Agree. If other girls agree with you, then you just do what you have to do. Or your mood will be devastated by her.

    Post # 5
    259 posts
    Helper bee

    I agree with @lealorali is it possible she may be making this difficult for you because she is jealous? 

    Post # 6
    8438 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I would be upset if someone wanted me to pay towards the cost of another BM’s dress. She should only need to pay half the cost of her dress. $10 could be a lot of money to her especially to throw away on someone elses wedding and someone elses dress.

    Did you all decide in a group together? She may have felt pressured to agree. 

    Post # 7
    2254 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @lealorali:  +1. Wedding planning is stressful enough. You can’t have someone always pitching a fit when they don’t get their way. 

    Post # 8
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Just sit her down and calmy say, “I am the bride, if anyone is going to be driving other people crazy, it will be me. Not you. Got it?”

    Post # 9
    1805 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Ugh my sister was actually being a pain. She said I was being a bridezilla for asking her to not wear a crystal headband since I am going to be wearing one… The other girls think she’s insane lol

    Post # 10
    720 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @j_jaye:  I agree. I wouldn’t be happy to cover part of the cost of someone else’s dress.

    Ten bucks doesn’t seem like a lot, but it all depends on what’s in (or not) your bank account. If it’s not a big deal to you, OP, why not cover the difference yourself? Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man can end up being a costly experience, when it should be an experience based on love and support.

    Post # 11
    593 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I haven’t had the exact issues but I have been having issues with mine. The main thing for me is I feel like my bridesmaids don’t care.. One bridesmaid was doing everything she could to get the dress for cheap. She asked me if she could order it online because it was 30 cheaper (davids bridal online only sale). I told her that was fine but if it didn’t fit (she had not been sized) and it looked bad she would have to get alterations.. Ultimately she listened to me and got the dress in-store.

    My other bridesmaid is NO help at all. If I ask for help, she ignores it altogether only to go into a rant about how she feels bad not being able to help but she is “so busy”. She cant attend my shower which I told her was fine since she was coming up twice in March once for the wedding and once for my bachelorette. Now she is saying she doesnt think she can come to my bachelorette party. 

    I thought my bridesmaids were here to help and support me and so far, I have gotten none of this. Honestly, at this point, it feels like they are just Bridesmaid or Best Man so it looks normal having people stand up there. I will say the Bridesmaid or Best Man that budged about price has started stepping up and is planning hosting my shower. She has been fine except trying to get out of spending money (keep in mind her dress was 80 and I am letting them wear nude shoes which she already had.. and I am buying there jewelry). 

    Post # 12
    47 posts
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @Brooklyn55:  your problems sound so familiar to me right now! I’m a month away and lately I feel like besides a few of them they just are more about drama then caring about me and the wedding…so hard!!!

    Post # 13
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - Italiano's Humble

    I’m having similar issues. Childish antics, told me last night if I had to have the dress I chose for them (which comes in cocktail length and floor length), she’d have to stand down. That all my other girls MUST be skinny, and how she doesn’t wanna look like a cow. It’s annoying the crap outta me. No matter what I pick (and I’m a plus sized gal also), she doesn’t agree with it. It’s best to just put your foot down now, or pay for it later….

    Post # 14
    3092 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    TBH I don’t actually buy into the whole bend over backward to make the bridesmaid experience like a yearlong birthday party for them…they’re supposed to be there to support the bride and groom in getting married.  If they didn’t want to be in the wedding, then they should say NO. 

    But I’ve come to terms with the fact that it was my choice to ask who I did…and I don’t regret that.  And nothing is worth the stress or drama…so if it’s money.  I’ll pay it.  If someone wants to wear red shoes, ok sure.  If someone needs to bow out…okay.  It will all be okay, and in the end I hope our wedding isn’t the cause of ended relationships between ANYONE!

    Post # 15
    593 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @Tasji23:  All I can say is it is so frustrating.. I mean I understand these girls and understand that they are busy (1 is a teacher, 1 in undergraduate and 1 in physical therapy school) but they could at least support me emotionally, answer me facebook messages (When I need important info such as what time are they coming in so I can book hotels and schedule a bridal luncheon) and help planning when they can. I mean I am planning my own bachelorette party because none of them had the time… One was like “oh we should have a lingerie party that weekend” and I was like.. “I can’t plan that.. its like asking all my friends to buy me stuff.. but you are welcome to plan it” and she can’t even do that!! I mean for heavens sake, all she does is have to send a facebook message and talk to our friends (everyone knows everyone!!) about it. But I guess thats to much to ask…

    The bridesmaid that is helping me some (planning and hosting my shower) is my cousin so with her its a little different. She is also 3 years younger than me. All I know is that when these girls ask me to be bridesmaids (which will happen unless something happens) I am not going to help them out… 

    Post # 16
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I agree that she is being a bit ridiculous but I think that as brides we need to always remember that our weeding is only a priority to us, no one else (except maybe mom and dad ๐Ÿ™‚ ). It’s not always easy to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and I think many of us get excited to be in someone’s wedding and then realize that the bride’s expectation are higher than you expected.

    Since it is only $10, as you said, I would let her buy her own dress and then you make up the difference for the rest of the bridesmaids. IF you want her there to support you and your Fi on your big day, I’d let it go a bit. It does sound frustrating though! ๐Ÿ™‚

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