Post # 1
So, my Fiance seems to ALWAYS be in the mood. What guy isn’t? I don’t know if this is a “girl” thing or a “me” thing, but I am simply not turned on ALL the time like he is. Is this normal? How can I explain to him that I cannot simply touch his penis and instantly be turned on? He is scared to death that I am not attracted to him just because I am not always “ready to go” whenever he is… which is often.
I try to put forth a little more effort to show him I am still attracted to him. One night, I lit candles, started a fire, etc…. made a perfect romantic environment for him to come home to. Do I have to do always go to such extravegant lengths? Is it normal that I’m not always in the mood? How can I relate this to him to where he understands without his feelings being hurt? Please help!!
Post # 3
Ugh. I have a similar issue. I blame it on the birth control. No idea what to tell you but would love to hear other ladies ideas.
Post # 4
how often is he expecting it? Daily? 2x a week? 5x a week? People’s sex drives differ and he needs to understand that and you are going to drive yourself crazy feeling like you need to do all sorts of things to prove you are attracted to him- he needs to trust that you are and you guys need to get on the same page
Post # 5
I am like this too. In my case, I think it is caused by stress. I have huge financial stress right now, so clerly that does not cause me to become very relaxed.
Post # 6
I think men and women come with all different kinds of levels of sexuality! While it is stereotypical for men to always “want it”. I think plenty of women on here can attest to having a stronger desire than their spouses.
I would just tell him that your amount of sex desired, doesn’t equal your attraction to him! And work together on a sechedule or type of situations that sex would be best for you guys.
Both will have to sacrifice for it to work. I know you have, and hopefully he can too!
Post # 7
My sex drive went WAY up when I came off birth control… then went WAY down while marathon training. I’m lucky my Fiance is understanding! Just be open & honest with him about what you want. Keep putting forth the effort of course, but don’t shut him out (or he’ll think you aren’t attracted to him!)
Post # 8
It’s hard to quantify sex drive. Sometimes it seems like everyone has more drive than you do…everyone’s having more sex or every woman’s guy wants her more than yours does. I’ve known a lot of men (friends) and I’ve never been in a relationship in which the guy wants it more than I do. I’m usually the one worrying about being wanted and if he’s lost desire for me. I have been led to believe that all men want it all the time…I’ve never been in a relationship with one. I think most of the time, especially once you’re out of your 20s, life gets in the way. It’s common to be tired or stressed on a regular basis and that makes it hard to transition into feeling sexy (I think this is true for men too).
Post # 9
Thanks everyone. You’ve given me a lot to think about, and some delicate ways to handle the situation! 🙂
Post # 10
definitely compromise on the amount of times it happens 🙂 your SO can agree to ask for it less, and you do it a little more 🙂
i have the opposite problem, my sex drive is higher than my FI’s, so there are guys out there who don’t want it all the time, just as there are some girls that want it heaps, it’s all about compromise and coming to an agreement that satisfies both of you 🙂
Post # 11
Welcome to my life. My drive was in a wreck even before birth control. Add running to the mix and well… yeah. Darling Husband doesn’t seem to mind my lack of drive much. I never pretend I’m something I’m not, ie “in the mood” when I’d much rather be asleep etc. But, I always make sure do my best to keep him happy and let him know how much I do want him– just not as often as he’d like. The important thing is that he still feels loved and desired by you. I think of it as another marital compromise. And he compromises on his end by doing what guys do best on their own in the bathroom. 😉
Post # 12
Argh were having the opposite atm. I want it but my FH doesnt want it as he is worried about me getting pregnant before the wedding (8 months away and im on BC & we use condoms! – completely insane!)
Post # 13
Totally with you! I was never like this until I went on BC. I asked my doctor about it, and she said that sometimes, when you go on BC, your drive just doesn’t come back. Sucks, right? I did get my testosterone checked, and my levels were a little low, so I got put on some testosterone cream that you put on your forearm, but that helped a little bit, but not much. Luckily, I have a very understanding guy. 🙂
Post # 14
I feel the same way a lot and it’s totally the birth control. I can tell because I’m on Nuvaring, and the week it’s out I feel SO much better and my sex drive comes back after a day or two. I also need a few minutes to get in the mood, while Fiance is ready within a second or two.
I can’t wait until after the wedding and I won’t be worried about the timing of AF and I can go off BC.
Post # 15
Going off birth control was the best thing I could do for our sex life. I know that’s not an option for some, but it was the only thing that worked for me.
Also, being honest with him. My hubs knew what was going on with my body, and that if he wanted it more often, he’d have to put in the extra effort. I also had to fake it til I got to the point of actually being turned on sometimes, and almost every time it did work
Post # 16
My husband is pretty much always in the mood, too. But I know my BC affects my drive. Honestly, the best thing I did was tell him that it wasn’t a matter of my interest, just a matter of my hormones being screwed up. Knowing that has made him more patient, more understanding, and even more determined to help me get in the mood with him.
On my end, I’ve also noticed that it helps me when I feel attractive. I’m not saying you need to wear lingerie all the time, but just wearing things that make me feel pretty help me get in the right frame of mind.