(Closed) Any good compromisers out there?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have learned to compromise with my life experience. I think over time you learn that failure to compromise is failure to value the other person’s opinion and your realtionship will suffer over time.

Figure out what the life altering issues are, and stick to your guns on those things. Let the unimportant things go.

Post # 4
113 posts
Blushing bee

Relationship foibles are a lot easier to tackle when you have a good perspective.

Is the situation about winning, or honoring the union of the couple? When you feel like a loser because of a compromise, you’re thinking about you. In that moment, shift your focus off of yourself and onto the relationship: why are you even with this man? Is it because you have nothing else better to do, or that you deeply care for and love him?

If it’s the latter, honor that by honoring him, respecting his capacity to be hurt by your behavior, and that, he, as a flesh and blood human, needs love. Each and every person is vulnerable and doesn’t want to be hurt. At some point, one, but hopefully both, decides that hurting the other person is simply off limits…just like physical violence is within some relationships (you know how some men state that they always said they’d never hit a woman and hold themselves to it because it isn’t even an option?). Image your guy as a kid, completely vulnerable and in need of love, protection, and comfort. We don’t lose that. Somewhere, most of us have that tenderness inside us and when it is hurt, scared, rejected, and our needs aren’t met, we become hurt, sad, distant, etc. You never want someone you love to experience those things by you. 

If that means compromising…is it worth it? Absolutely, in my mind. Love goes beyond feeling or emotion; that is why the statement “I love him, but…” doesn’t really hold true. You’re either loving or you’re not. Compromising is part of love, just like understanding, patience, and forgiveness are. Is he worth that? My husband is incredible to me, yet he has imperfections and I don’t always get what I “want/need.” I so respect and love him, though, and think he is worth the world and all of my efforts. People are to be loved.

What is compromising too much? Can you provide a scenario? Off the top of my head I can’t think of something that isn’t absolutely unrealistic and insane.

I’ll stop rambling now. I kinda get on a tangent and just go. 

Post # 5
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I like to get my way, plain and simple. But, I have learned to take a step back when a compromise is needed, and ask myself if its really worth the fight. Do I feel strongly enough about it? Because if the answer is not really, then usually I will just compromise with him. Learn to pick your battles

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