Post # 1
I am planning a wedding for my daughter here in her hometown. She and Fiance live on the opposite coast and his family is from an adjacent country. I am the only one doing everything here. Every step of the planning I’ve sent them 3 options for vendors (carefully researched by me) and wait for their approvals. Sometimes the responses don’t come for months.
My daughter and I have similar tastes so I know what she likes. However, everything has to be approved by her Fiance and he is the problem. He wants everything over the top, the best and won’t compromise. At first my husband and I planned to pay for everything except for the photography, videography and invitations. However, several weeks into the planning, he was questioning the wine selections ( I’ve only offered to buy the $30 drink package with tax,and mandatory 22% gratuities, it comes to $40pp and that doesn’t include hard liquor), wanting to include hard liquor, wanted a Sunday brunch etc etc.Now, we have only offered a fixed sum and anything else over, they will have to cover.
I am really offended that he is so demanding. I’ve only known men who are easy going and wouldn’t be so totally into every aspect of the wedding. I don’t remember my H intruding into a wedding that my parents paid for and I can’t imagine that my son would be so rude to his future in laws.
My D is in the middle. She wants her Fiance to be happy, and said it is his wedding too so he can have inputs. He offered to pay for hard liquor but that is beside the point. He seems to be a spendthrift and I have reservations about their future finances.
I pointed out to him that perhaps he should save some money towards a down payment for a house instead of spending so much towards a wedding. They will have hardly any savings left after the wedding and honeymoon, stag parties, gifts to bridal parties. He also wants to rent a coach to take friends and relatives (as everyone is from out of town)to wine tasting to entertain them.
I am really put off by his pretentious, entitled attitude. His family (divorced) is just paying for the rehearsal dinner.
Am I justified in feeling so put off ?
Post # 3
Well it’s ultimately their decision how to spend money. You won’t win points with them there. I agree that his behavior is weird and demanding and unlike any I can imagine coming from a man. But this is your daughter’s new family now, so just try to hold your tongue until the wedding’s over.
Post # 5
I agree with the PPs is their decision about the money. HOWEVER him being rude with you when you’re the one doing the job is a big fat NO NO. Talk to your daughter about this, it is his wedding but you’re paying and organizing.
Tell them you might have to give them X amount of money and step out of the planning as this is creating conflict between you. They’ll be married for life you don’t want to start this relationship among arguments.
Post # 6
Hmm, I think I know where you’re coming from a little…
I had some friends who have been married for 2 years now and he was a groomzilla. He basically organized the whole wedding! The bride told me that she pretty much only chose her dress, shoes, jewellery etc, the maids dresses, and her flowers.
She loves her husband dearly, but he can be rather controlling and sulk if he doesn’t get his own way. She actually admitted sometimes during the wedding preparations it was just easier to let him choose than try and discuss it with him. He’s also terrible with money and doesn’t seem to flinch at the idea of spending money ‘just because.’
Now I actually someimtes worry about them and their financial situation. He’s constantly SPENDING and throwing things on credit. It’s such a worry! She’s saying ‘Omg we’re so broke, we can barely afford bills.’ and yet he’s out buying a new TV?!
As a mother, I would be terrified of my daughter being involved with someone who is so bad with money! And the idea that my child is getting married and spending thousands upon thousands on a wedding but haven’t got a house in sight frightens me.
Everyone has their own priorities and it is their decision to make. Your daughter is a grown woman and has to do this on her own with her husband to be. But I think I feel where you’re coming from. And yes, he IS being rude by demanding things of you.