(Closed) Any guilt for having a destination wedding due to guest cost?

posted 7 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@suhseal: Our wedding isn’t going to cost as much for our guests, but we have still been having problems.  My family isn’t financially stable, while his is.  His family and friends were all on board, while mine were arguing and saying they weren’t coming.  We decided it’s what we are going to do anyway, and my mom and one set of grandparents gave in and are now excited.

Pricing for our guests was definately a factor in deciding our location and hotel.  We originally wanted it in the Bahamas, but are now having it in Mexico.  I don’t miss the idea of the Bahamas at all, because more of the people we love will be there.

If it’s what you really want to do, go for it!  It’s your day, and you deserve exactly what you want!  Be selfish!  The people who love you the most will make you happy about your decision, even if they can’t make it there!

Post # 4
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I live in Georgia, and our wedding will be in Tennessee. We are renting a cabin large enough for our family members to stay in, and hoping that friends will stay in a cabin next door. Some family members and all of our friends have expressed nothing but excitement about getting to spend a couple of days in the mountains and seeing us get married. Other family members have complained about the distance, which is understandable. We are trying to make it easy for everyone, with tons of advance notice and paying for their lodging so that they don’t have to rent a hotel, but I’m sure there will still be some people who can’t make it, and that’s okay.

Post # 5
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think if you give them sufficient time to save up for the expenses, then you should feel guilty.  Now, that may mean you have to delay your wedding for a year or two. 

Post # 6
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know exactly how you feel.  Coming from an Asian American background, destination wedding is almost unheard because supposedly its disrespectful.  But with that said, Fiance and I decided that it’s our wedding and years from now we want to look back on it as something that reflected us and our love for each other.  

 

We also talked to a lot of our close friends and family about wanting a destination wedding and got mixed reviews.  Its hard but at the end of the day its YOUR wedding and it should represent you and your Fiance.

 

Good Luck and Congrats!!

Post # 7
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

Not at all.  Almost every single person I’m inviting goes on a vacation yearly and they just need to hold out for April and go to Mexico this way. 

Post # 8
Member
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i felt some guilt because certain people couldnt come. most of my closest friends came as well as our parents and my sister.  however, FIs sister and her kids who were supposed to be in the wedding party couldn’t come. so i felt really bad about that.  but the thing was, when i first told people, everyone was excited and insisted they were coming! only after we booked, people started backing out, so i don’t think i could have done anything different.  

one thing you could do is tell people who say they for sure cannot come that you are planning to do a small recpetion back home after the wedding.  it doesnt have to be expensive or lavish – mine will be a BBQ – but it might help those who feel bad for not being able to go.

Post # 9
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This August we are getting married in Mexico and we gave our guests a year notice.  Never have I felt guilty once about doing our wedding our way.  The cost ended up being about ~900 for a five night trip at an allinclusive resort(air included in 900).  Everyone that wanted to be there made it work. 

 

Post # 10
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know EXACTLY what you mean by everyone being excited at first and then as it gets closer, those same people back out…it sucks!  If anything they should get more excited as it gets closer…I had a really hard time dealing with people who seemed truely genuine in coming, and then us finding out from other people that they werent coming.

My Fiance and Mom keep reminding me, whoever really wants to be there, will find a way be there!  That thought keeps me on track bigtime and makes me happy and glad I went the destination route. 

Post # 11
Bee
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna

What we found out is that those people who really want to be there will find a way. We had a couple people come in for only 3 days total but were so happy to do it because they trully wanted to be there. And to be honest those are the type of guests you want.

Up until about 2 months before the wedding we were pretty sure Mr. M.s grandparents were not going to come because they were M-A-D that we were not having a catholic ceremony back home. They not only came but after the ceremony I got the biggest hug from her and she told me how much she loved the wedding and that we had made the right choice. She is still telling people it was like a fairytale.

So I guess what I am saying is don’t feel guilty. This wedding is for you and those who love you will be there.

 

Post # 12
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We want to have a destination wedding in Sri Lanka, where my husband is from, since he has a lot of family there who wouldn’t be able to travel as easily as my American family, and also it’s just a more lush and dramatic backdrop. But, understandably, a lot of my relatives and friend’s can’t afford the plane ticket easily. So we are having the actual wedding there, and then we are having a commitment ceremony in the States as well. I think you have to compromise and do this when there is more than one location in question. It’s either that, or remove a whole section of guests from the wedding based on what they can’t afford, and to me, it’s more important to have them included.

Post # 14
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My SIL is having a Destination Wedding in Jamaica. The resort is all-inclusive and for 3 nights runs at about $700 per person. That’s not bad if you ask me. Including air-far we’re looking at about $1,300 per person total and I’ve always been looking for an excuse to go! 

Would I have to spend close to $3,000 for my husband and I to go to her wedding if it wasn’t a DW? No. But she flew out for our wedding, and if it’s what she wants I wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

Post # 15
Member
39 posts
Newbee

@tkvogel:We’re going to Mexico June 23-30 to scout out places.  Where are you having yours?!  $900 for 5 nights is amazing!!

Post # 16
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Don’t feel bad at all about having a destination wedding. Those who are able to come will. Just please don’t write off friends and family members who can’t afford the expense or can’t get the time away. 🙂

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