(Closed) Any housewives without children out there?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Are you a housewife without kids?

    Yes

    No

    I'm planning to be

  • Post # 152
    Member
    6111 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I know a couple ladies whoa re Stay-At-Home Wife with no kids.  One does do dog walking on the side.

     

    I had 12 days off in a row this holiday break.  I was very domesticated (but managed to ski 9 of my 12 days off).  I thought for a moment, “I could take care of the house!”  LOL  H makes a nice income. 

     

    However, our goal is to retire early (like before 50) and for that to happen we both need to work at our full potential.  I do have a very nice interesting job so I am on board 100%.

    Post # 153
    Member
    621 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

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    @MsRicky:  “I believe that being feminist is about women being able to choose to do whatever makes them happy. There seems to be are a lot of judgey bees on here who aren’t clear on what feminism is.”


    Is that really what feminism is?? I am not a feminist by no means, and don’t know a lot about them, but I thought it meant more along the lines of:

    fem·i·nist [femuh-nist] 

    adjective Sometimes, fem·i·nis·tic.

    1. advocating social, political, legal, and economic rights for women equal to those of men.
    noun

    2. an advocate of such rights.
     
    I am not trying to argue with you or anything, but going by the actual definition of a feminist, I can’t see how what you said has anything to do with feminism? There is a difference between doing what makes you happy and not wanting to be judge by it and advocating for equality of men and women. Are more men staying home these days and not being judged for it and therefore women should also be able to do so?
     
    Haha, again, I am not trying to argue or start a debate. I am honestly curious about your rationale for your post. (: Maybe I overestimated how little I little I know of feminism ๐Ÿ˜›

    Personally, I could never be a stay at home anything. I love working, I can already manage to keep the house clean and cook yummy healthy foods and all the other little errands that need to get done. So there is no point for me to stay home and be bored. But if you are happy, and your husband is happy and everything in your life is happy, then continue being happy ! (: 


    Post # 154
    Member
    707 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2004

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    @letigre:  I’m not offended by you, or your comments,sweetheart. It’s a disagreement. If you can’t handle it, pout somewhere else ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 155
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think women in general judge each other too much. Working moms look down on SAHM’s. Women who breastfeed look down on women who do not. Mothers harshly judge the childfree and vice versa. It would be much nicer if we could just live and let live, but I suppose judging is a part of human nature. 

    I had a friend who was a Stay-At-Home Mom. She married at 19 and did not finish high school. She judged me for wanting to be single and live on my own. Every sentence started with “You’re single so you wouldn’t understand….” I think she was just trying to make herself feel better for doing nothing outside of marriage and kids. Though I didn’t agree with her choice, I never said anything because it wasn’t my place. I ended the friendship because our paths were so dramatically different and I grew weary of the snobby attitude. 

    We can disagree without swearing at each other or being rude. Wink

    Post # 156
    Member
    220 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

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    @bloodgo1:  Just curious, what kind of home business did you start?  I’ve always wanted to be my own boss, but haven’t had any good ideas yet.

     

    I have a part time job so I am not a true stay at home wife but I wouldn’t mind being one.  I find work to be stressful and only do it for the paycheck.  I don’t get any personal satisfaction out of it.  I was never career driven or found myself called to a certain field.  I have a graduate school degree and have work experience so I would (hopefully) be ok if something bad were to happen.  I worked full time for about 4 years and it sucked the life and happiness out of me.  My husband and I both work odd shifts so when we were both full time we would barely see each other.  Neither one of us had the energy to make home made meals after work so we ate out a lot.  I had no time/energy to work out either so I was pretty unhealthy.  Going part time has really increased our quality of life. 

    Post # 157
    Member
    2083 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

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    @hspw714:  I’ve always loved art/design so I started my own invitation/paper good design business on Etsy & I also have a booth I sell at in a local art market. The bulk of the business is always wedding invitations so as long as you have the patience to work with brides it can work out well ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 158
    Member
    167 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I’m of the opinion that a lot of you need a swift punch to the junk.  As the daughter of a very hardworking single mother who, like myself, started working as a young teen, got an education only to become a stay-at-home wife and mother to my older siblings, then tired of it and went back to work for a number of years before taking another break when her next kids were born until she was again pushed back to work suddenly by an unexpected divorce, I, too, used to be of the opinion that staying home would be a boring, too-dependent gig for myself.  I saw that it was the safer option to work hard and support yourself, and so I did…  I slaved away at work and school until I was bawling everyday from perfectionistic, prevention-from-worst-case-scenario anxiety and depression.

     

    I had never intended to find a mate, but I did, and he asked me to trust him and lean on him while I figured out what was going on with me.  So, I took what felt like a huge leap of faith, and quit my jobs slowly but surely and graduated with a massive set of degrees that I have yet to use directly.  After a year, I will tell you that I made the right decision for me.  I’ve cried and moped and had a crazy erratic sleep schedule caused by an overindulgence of reading and writing, and–shocker, here–I haven’t been doing my fair share of the household duties!  But, as my man tells me when I start feeling guilty again, it’s not about being fair, it’s about doing what you need to to be happy.

     

    I am now coming out of my funk and have started taking my share of our burdens upon myself bit by bit, but more importantly, I have found something that makes me happy for the first time in my life–writing–and, while I am three books into my series that has the potential to make money, I have no real plans or cares to find financial gain from my writing because my Fiance has made it very clear that the money he earns at work is ours.  He would love if I stayed home forever, but doesn’t care if I go to work either so long as I am healthy and happy.  We have prepared for any unexpected deaths and I trust him to give me everything we have if either of us should want out of our relationship; even so, as my mom before me, I know that I have the ability to walk away without a penny to my name and do much better than survive.  I have a massive set of proverbial balls of steel with the confidence to wield them, so that frees me up to look the people in the eye that dare tell me that I’m waisting my potential and fancy degrees, or act as though they’re superior to this lazy housefiance, and just give them a knowing smile whilst saying, “but I’m happy right this moment, would you have me any other way?”  (And, for those of you who can and want to take this leap of faith into “unemployment” but are too scared to because of other people’s perception problems, when I had absolutely no direction for happiness, I’d just tell interested parties that I was trying to find my happiness–that shuts people up right quick.)  Selling my books or using my psych degrees and participating financially no longer (or at least currently) will (not) make me feel any better about myself because it just isn’t important to my own or my fiancé’s and my relationship’s security–so, poof, I’m currently a fulfilled housewife/FI.

     

    For a good number of you, I’d be careful making such sweepingly firm opinions on what being a housewife means for you…  It could change tomorrow; it did for me.  I’d hate for a lot of you to feel the shame and lowly worthlessness, or for that matter, the pressure to (keep) do(ing) something that was making you unhappy in the way that a lot of these posts are projecting.  Call me whatever you like, but I’m finally freaking happy because of what may or may not be a permanent break from the outside career realm, so put that in your pipes and smoke it!  Life is a bunch of phases, but from here-on-out I’m making it my mission to fearlessly LIVE them, and, in my case, the hugely risky opportunity to have the full support of my Fiance jumpstarted this mission.  Roll with the punches peeps, it doesn’t have to be black and white–it’s unnecessary pressure in an already pressure-filled world.  You (individually) do what you responsibly can to make yourself happy, and people who give you a hard time for it are confused dipsticks that are of no consequence to you at the end of the day.

    Post # 159
    Member
    1065 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

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    @LIKE-A-BOSS:  “I have a massive set of proverbial balls of steel with the confidence to wield them”

    Loool. Yeah, you sound like it. You bawl and freak out because the life that makes you happy is staying home – not to build a home – but to kick back and read/write a book series that *might* make money one day? K.

    Your Fiance sounds like an amazing person who very much indulges you. If the situation were reversed – your Fiance just couldn’t “emotionally” deal with working so you worked to support him, people would be all “WTF.” Let’s not kid ourselves that gender stereotypes aren’t swinging heavily in your favor here.

    I can COMPLETELY understand not working where it’s an equal thing. Like, both partners have low-stress, part-time jobs and live fully on their days off. I can understand dropping out of the corporate world and relinquishing the idea that “I am my job.” That’s powerful. I can understand starting your own business or homesteading or living an ascetic life where you don’t *need* money. 

    But the reality is, you have your lifestyle because another human being DOES THE WORK you claim to not be able to handle. It isn’t equal. Especially if you aren’t doing shit at home. I understand some of these women who at least clean and cook. That’s recipricoating.

    What you’re talking about used to be called being a kept woman. 

    Post # 160
    Member
    1065 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

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    @Brace2014:  I agree. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t make all your decisions feminist. And using “choice” as an excuse to take advantage of gender roles and the labor of another person is not feminist. Though I am not talking about equal partnerships where the SAHS contributes in some capacity.

    Okay, if your partner is a crazy workaholic who loooves their job, fine. But let’s be serious. Half of your FIs have normal ass middle management jobs that I doubt they love. Why can’t they be free to stay home? Why do they have to work? If any of your spouses are remotely unhappy or unfulfilled at their jobs, you need to check yourself.

    Post # 161
    Member
    167 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

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    @Syzygy88:  Mmm, yeah.  Where did I say I couldn’t handle it?  Oh, you think that because I felt distracted, sad, and angry that I was living my life for people who made me feel like I had to live the life of a do-good doctor to be worth something, rather than be cared about for my fundamental qualities and well-being, that I couldn’t have continued working and making money and doing chores?  Shocking that you wouldn’t give my point of view any credibility.  Be assured that I could have plugged along and dug myself out of my hole on my own eventually, but I think it is a pretty good thing that I didn’t try and offer therapy or diagnostic inclinations as a broken person.  Sure, I could have worked another job, but if my Fiance was/is on-board and this was much faster, what exactly would be the point?  Don’t answer that, because it’s rhetorical where you and I conversing is concerned.

     

    People get overwhelmed, especially someone like me who has lived the rocky life of an overwhelmed adult since childhood.  People have unique situations that create unique issues, and thus, have unique solutions–of which I was lucky to have my hubs who knew that a little/a lot of indulgence was long overdue for me in particular, but this is not to say it is a permanent inequality, and you would know that had you read my post carefully where I said I’m taking my share of responsibilities on now that I’m feeling better.  (And the thing is, I would do the same for my hubs if roles were reversed, and I wouldn’t give a darn what others thought more than to tell them to go blow with their hogwash.)  Just because I didn’t give you my full CV doesn’t mean that I haven’t worked ten times harder than you have as, I will presume you to be, a still-working person to this day, especially for the good of others directly; so you can take your assumptions and eat them for all I think they’re worth on this topic where I’m concerned.

     

    P.S. You perpetuate the gender roles that I believe you are trying to dissuade against by pushing them on me to induce the feelings of shame that you think I should be feeling by calling me “a kept woman.” I may be kept if you discount the support that I do give outside of physical work and financial resources, but that wouldn’t be so favorable, I’m sure, if you pointed your own cannon back towards yourself.  Gender equality is about the choice to make my life what I lawfully want it to be devoid of societal backlash, no?  I would hope that was a rhetorical question as well.

     

    EDITS FOR CONTENT IN HERE SOMEWHERE.

    Post # 162
    Member
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Being a homemaker sounds really enjoyable to me but I worked full-time to put myself through graduate school so I just can’t do it. As a tradeoff we have a housekeeper so at least my time at home is spent doing the things I enjoy most, like cooking. 

    Post # 163
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee

    I’d like to be both in my life time, working and stay at home. I work and attend school full time at the moment. So I’m a student/employed I guess?

    I like to be active in some way so I imagine as a stay at home wife I’d be busy, whether it’d be pre or post kids. SO wants someone to be a stay at home parent. I think he’d prefer it be me but if I wanted to work he’d support me no matter what and take a more hands off approach to his work and make his schedule more flexible. 

    In general though I have transitioned to actively not worrying about my future. I prepare best I can of course, and know tragedy can happen to anyone and plan accordingly best one can. I see no sense in worrying about problems I don’t have yet though. 

    Yay for all the working and staying at home ladies though! Its so wonderful to see such a diversity of happy and fulfilled women. For those who aren’t quite content in their current situation, may they be enriching learning experiences and you find your way to your choice of a happy life. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 164
    Member
    679 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

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    @Syzygy88:  +1000

     

     

     

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    @LIKE-A-BOSS:  I’m soooo glad you found yourself and you found a partner that will let you persue your interests all freaking day long. Looks like you found the best antidepressant around.

     

    Post # 165
    Member
    75 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I am currently a stay at home wife ๐Ÿ™‚  It wasn’t really by choice… as we live in a rural area with significantly limited opportunities to work in my field of education.  I plan to work in the future and create my own job out here.  But for now I enjoy being at home. 

    I agree with other ladies who said you have to do what works best for YOUR situation, and don’t let others judgements make you feel lesser than.  There are significant benefits to this, as it leaves a lot of energy for making a house a real home, and the energy to maintain a great relationship that you may not have with hectic schedules if both are working.   

    Post # 166
    Member
    679 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

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    @amanda2:  So, those women that work – whether they chose to or have to – are unable to make a “real” home?

    Give me a break.

    The topic ‘Any housewives without children out there?’ is closed to new replies.

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