- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
Nah. It’s nice for a week or so, but wouldn’t be fulfilling for me.
Nah. It’s nice for a week or so, but wouldn’t be fulfilling for me.
By the way, my Fiance is loving all the compliments, ladies, so you have my thanks there 😉
[comment moderated for personal attack]
@Bunny_the_Bride: Yes, I am! Both my fiance and I are both in school full time and she also works full time. I balance out her working full time by being a SAHW– I do 100% of the cooking, cleaning, managing the bills, and taking care of the yards. I also garden, sew, etc. And I LOVE it. It’s suits me so much better than working outside of the home. I think that domestic skills and working in the home is important and definitely fullfilling for some. I plan to be a Stay-At-Home Wife even after I have my college degree and to then be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but I think it’s fine to be a Stay-At-Home Wife even if you never have kids. It’s all about what works for you and your marriage!
I am really disappointed in how many snarky and judgemental things were said in this thread. 🙁
And dude, whatever. I’ve seen other of your posts – you’re in psychology and blah-blah-blah. By “massive amounts of degrees” I’ll assume you double majored, got a degree in a boring hard science and the other in some soft, bullshit field to keep your GPA up. By “do good doctor” you, of course, mean PhD and not MD; probably worked in some psychology residency program and contributed to a handful of research papers. Great.
And I’m sure you worked with people who were in a lot of pain and it wore on you. So you dropped out and went on to a happier, calmer life of ball-busting on weddingbee.
I can’t help you, cause I’m looking, looking, looking for a job, and it’s hard, and my SO is supporting me financially. But I’m not a SAHG. I’m an unemployed asshole with student loans, who cannot wait to be stressed out by a job. And I have worked, and am seeking work, in the public sector, in healthcare delivery to underserved and vulnerable populations, so don’t.
EDIT: Being snarky, but it is hilarious to me that a handful of the most judge-y, pearl-clutchy bees on this site are ALL “SAHWs.”
I am somewhat in this situation now and probably will be in the future. I know that we will not be having any children and unless something wacky happens to my husband’s job, we can afford our lifestyle just fine on his salary.
I am currently in the tail end of PhD program and during this program I began to have a really disabling chronic health condition. I am still a teaching assistant so right now I work from home doing all of the grading and communicating with students, I used to do this in person before I got sick along with other odd jobs. I do not get paid very much being a TA nor is it very rewarding 🙂
Between caring for this condition and my house, husband and dog, I keep quite busy. I am usually so wiped out from my disability I don’t know I made it to classes or work when it started. I am thankful that my husband is supportive either way. I am not sure how I will feel once I am done with my program. I would like to teach online classes but there are a lot of phds on my field so it might not be easy to find work doing that right away. Unless my health improves, I doubt I could manage anything more than a work from home, part time gig though.
My little family is quite content these days, and I will likely soon return to volunteering psych services part-time because I always loved (and never burnt out from) interacting with clients and learning from them, I just never liked the system of prestige amongst practitioners (in fancy clinics and other practices) and acquaintances nor trying to practice amongst other out-of-my-control, life-changing family events.
We all have obstacles, and I found a way to overcome mine that I am grateful every day for, and I’m not about to apologize for taking advantage of it. I dug deep and worked hard on myself during my timeout, and now the hubs and I are a whole team again. It was never a permanently lopsided division of labor like you two seemed to have assumed, but an example of flexibility where careers were concerned to help keep/get both of us happy as efficiently and effectively as possible–and such lopsidedness was at HIS insistence no less, not because he’s a doormat or chauvinist, but a good man that was dead set on helping me in his own way. Our happiness is worth every dime that not using my degrees cost us.
Le sigh. I won’t try and justify myself to people that didn’t read my posts for what they actually said anymore. I think you’re seeing what you want to see, hence all of your blind assumptions. Point is: I don’t think careers should define us in total, nor should they be held against us in most reasonable cases. I offered my experience for the topic of being a Stay-At-Home Wife without kids from a perspective that hadn’t yet come up, and how it transformed my life for the better even now that I care for organizing our household, finances, events, and most things outside of earning the paycheck. I’m officially done with you now. Good day, madame.
Unfortunately, it seems that some on here do not understand that different strokes for different folks makes the world turn. I am not a Stay-At-Home Wife, however, I am a Stay-At-Home Mom with grade school children. I do ‘keep’ house, with some help from DH, depending on what is going on with the kids and their activities. It works for us, and I did work full time when my boys were toddlers. I worked my ass off 50-60 hours a week, with no help at all from my ex. I did all the housework, and did 99% of the caretaking of my children. Know where that landed me ?? In the hospital for 9 days with a viral infection that attacked my respiratory system. I left my ex, and continued to work the hours I was. My heart broke every freaking day. I missed my kids horribly. I felt that I failed as a parent. My Fiance came into the picture. After just a year of being together, not even engaged, I took a leap of faith. I was an independent woman and mother who wanted no help at all from anyone. My BF (at the time) offered to move us into his home, and offer me to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. BEST.DECISION.EVER. I have full access to his account, I have my own money also. I contribute to the bills. My kids ?? Happiest ever. I am able to volunteer with them, take them/pick them up from school, I am home to help them with homework. I make dinner pretty much every night. The house is dusted, vaccuumed, my DHs clothes are ironed. He loves it. He works his ass off every day at a job that he absolutely loves. I worked part time for about 6 months, 3 hours a day from 10-2. I really liked the fact of socializing but that is pretty much all it was. I was only getting paid minimum wage. I couldn’t really get much accomplished during the days I worked. As soon as I got home I had to shower, then leave and get the kids. My DH was picking up a few more things at home that were not fair to him. I made the decision to quit. It didn’t work for us. If it works for you. Great. If not, why judge others who can do it ?? Jealousy comes across very bitter and nasty. Just because you feel/think/do not agree does not mean that you do not have to respect someone and their choices.
It became a bad thing with the advent of feminism.
Despite the fact that I work, my husband shoulders the vast majority of the financial burden in our marriage. It is only fair since he makes more than triple what I do.
He is very generous when it comes to gifts and he is always doing things to make my life easier.
Women who give me a hard time about this are usually unhappily single. They hate me for having a wonderful husband and try to make me feel ashamed because he gives me so much.
Hey, I’ve had a hard and unhappy life and I deserve it.
Yeah, that statement about not being able to make a “real home” is just as judgmental as looking down on Stay-At-Home Mom or Stay-At-Home Wife.
I work full time but our apartment is always clean and I cook wonderful meals, thank you very much.
*hug* I have a mom like that too. My father is my saving grace.
Now that my mother is older, she has calmed down considerably and even apologized for some of her behavior. She is experiencing so much guilt and regret.
I still keep her at arm’s length. It feels safer.
First, it implies that a woman cannot or doesn’t want to or isn’t allowed to take care of herself. Some women may enjoy and appreciate being taken care of by someone else, and others would find it insulting, patronizing, and limiting. My husband takes great care of me. But I also take care of him. He’s not my parent or my keeper. he’s my partner.
It also becomes dangerous when the man decides he no longer wants to take care of his wife. What happens if he leaves, and the wife has no skills or resources to fall back on?
I see no problem with a household where one person works outside the house for an income and the other tends to the home, assuming both roles and both spouses are valued and they have each chosen their role. As long as the partnership is equal, and you’re both caring for EACH OTHER, I see no problem with it. I do see a problem when the power dynamics are not completely equal, or you have one person dependent on the other. That’s when it becomes a bad thing.
To all the women who stay at home and CHOOSE not to work…guess what? Those of us who do CHOOSE to work are not LESSER women. We are not bad mothers (if we have children). We live in real homes. We cook and clean and do crafts and all the other things that you do. So please, PLEASE stop acting like your choices are BETTER than our choices. That is what drives me CRAZY about threads like these. Here is what I think:
1. ALL women should be allowed to work if they want to work.
2. NO woman should judge another woman for choosing to work.
3. Women who are choosing not to work are just that; don’t give yourself airs and a title.
So many women in the past 200 years have fought for the right for us, today, to do the things we can. And yet sexism prevails — and people here, in a forum FULL of women who benefit on a daily basis from the efforts of our foremothers, perpetuate sexism. Yes, it perpetuates sexism to deny that something is sexist. It perpetuates sexism to say things like, “Tee hee a man should take care of a lady!” Et cetera.
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