Post # 227
I am a homemaker/sahm. My children are in 2nd, 4th, and 5th grade. I have worked PRN (I’m a nurse), but now I’m solely at home. The main reasons I stay at home is 1. I love it! 2. My husband is on call most of the time, and sometimes he works 24 hours straight. I would have no sitter on his short notices of working over or being called in.
I don’t feel like our money is “his” at all. I’ve never been made to feel that way. In fact, I think I work just as hard most days. 😉
We are currently baking baby #4, so my life is about to get busy again! For now, I’m enjoying my quiet time at home to clean, cook, decorate, and keep the home running smoothly. 🙂 I’m also incredibly thankful for this opportunity, and don’t want to ever take it for granted!
Post # 228
Very true. Nobody who knows what “Stepford Wife” really means would want to be one.
If I became a vapid doll with no opinions of my own, my husband would probably divorce me!
Post # 229
I don’t understand why a wife wouldn’t want to be equal to her husband.
Women aren’t less just because we are female.
Post # 230
My husband and I (both mid twenties) both have BA degrees, full time jobs, are liberal politically and are feminists. This is an issue very close to my heart. He loves that I’m not “one of those girls who doesn’t think she has to work”. He admires my drive to be successful in the workplace, and likes that we’re not struggling financially (though we do not have high-paying jobs, we do okay for the two of us).
I would LOVE to be a Stay-At-Home Mom and he knows it. As feminists we strongly believe all people should be able to choose whatever lifestyle they want and marry whomever they choose to make those life decisions with. While I am educated and love everything I’ve learned in college, I consider that good for me as a person, not necessarily for my career. My job has nothing to do with what I studied, actually, and the same goes for many of our friends.
My mother has a job where she travels for over a week at a time internationally and has my whole life. My dad works 12-14 hour days. While I admire her independence, I will admit it’s really hard as a kid when your parents are working all the time and I feel like they would have been happier if she was a little more “housewify”. I suppose if she made enough to where my dad could have stayed home that would have been cool too. I’m the first to admit my situation is different since she didn’t come home everynight like most full-time working moms, though.
I think being a Stay-At-Home Wife is a little more strange than being a Stay-At-Home Mom (probably just because it is a bit more rare!) but I see nothing wrong with wanting to take care of your home and family (even if it’s just your husband). I would love to be able to cook all day long for a wonderful dinner everynight and keep everything spotless but it’s SO HARD to do that while working full time and we don’t even have kids yet! I admire you ladies who do what’s best for your family even if some ladies will tell you you’re effectively lazy. Only you and your husband can choose what is best for you!
I hope to stay home for a least a while while my kids are small, and would love to work part time while they’re at school but I’m not sure if we’ll be able to afford it. Everyone will tell you their relationship is more important than their job, but if that’s the case why do so many people focus all their energy on work and come home drained and not wanting to have a real meal together? I’m ranting at this point, but seriously there is nothing wrong with wanting to get all the chores/cooking done while your partner is at work and then taking care of them/spending time together when they get home. If it makes you both happy, and you’re blessed financially enough to do it, it’s perfect! But it’s not for everyone!
Post # 231
Wow some of these comments are so rude and judgmental. I thought this was a place we turn to so that we could avoid those?! How would you feel if I so harshly judged your career choice?
I am a Stay-At-Home Wife and have been for a while now. I do coach cheerleading but that only takes a few hours out of my week. I cook, clean, work on projects, find ways to save money and be more ecofriendly as well as anything else that needs to be done. I was also going to school online but am not at the moment.
We are correctly TTC so I will stay home while I’m pregnant and as a Stay-At-Home Mom as well.
+1 Thank you, couldn’t agree with you more
@AmyJCardiff: I completely disagree with every word you said. I do think that making an income and taking care of the home responsibilities are equal. I handle things so my husband doesn’t have to when he gets off work. And you make it like we just go “oh sorry go to work I’m staying home”, no in a marriage/relationship you obviously talk about it and come to a decision. My husband is 100% supportive of me staying home and would never resent me because he works out of the house and I don’t. I don’t believe in the idea of that’s your money and I have none because I stay home. A marriage is about coming together, his income is mine, just like what I cook, fix, find, save is his.
Money is not the most important thing in the world. It’s not even in my top 5/10/20. That seems to be a big issue here to most bees that aren’t understanding our lifestyles: we do not contribute financially but we do in other ways (and technically we even do that by finding ways to cut back). I know it’s hard to picture not contributing financially but I couldn’t picture the career oriented life that you lead, but I try to think and understand before out right bashing and critiquing. Try to think more and know that you could really hurt some feelings on such a big deal/heated thread. I am all for disagreements but some bees have no filter. Just blurting something out like “hell no I would feel worthless” could be said in a million different lighter ways. Why post with the intention of hurting another bee’s feelings? Where does that get you…
Post # 232
Almost every single “stay at home wife” AKA person who chooses not to work has said that we who do work are jealous. How is that not judgemental of those of us who choose to work? Also what the hell does this mean? “We are correctly TTC so I will stay home while I’m pregnant and as a Stay-At-Home Mom as well.” You can’t conceive and work at the same time?? Talk about judgemental.
Money may not be important to you because you are in a privileged position to be able to make the choice not to work. Not everyone is in that position.
Post # 233
And I fully understand that and don’t agree with saying things like that. I didn’t say anyone was jealous, just rude. My TTC statement was literally just a fact of my future plans, nothing more. I obviously could work and be TTC, pregnant or with a baby and hold nothing against those who do… was just simply stating my personal setup.
I understand that not everyone can be in that position and I am oh so thankful that I am, but I’m defending the fact that Stay-At-Home Wife not making money does not mean we are “worthless”. There are other ways to contribute and every single bee, no every single person in this world, does that in their own unique way. My entire comment was about NOT judging and NOT thinking one choice is better than another.
And money being unimportant to me has absolutely nothing to do with my husband’s income or our position (he makes a lot less than you’d assume), it’s simply a view on life and a value of the other glorious things there are to enjoy.
Post # 234
right on Bunny! I was working part time (until a week ago). I cook from scratch every day (this means a minimum of two hours in the kitchen). I can’t have MSG or other food aditives, so I have to. I clean, and have been working on 10 years of paperwork my dear husband neglected while single and with last wife, and making our house a home (trust me when I say that a bachelor should not have so much cubic feet to infest). I would show up to work irritable and exhausted- on a Monday, Lord help me. I always hated being asked ‘why are you so tired?’! Let’s not forget that I just orchestrated an entire wedding in 5 months! I have the clutter in the spare bedroom to prove it!
Husband is fighting with ex over kids and everytime they talk, we fight. Can you tell who he’s on the phone with? Ugh!! (sorry for the rant!) Someone please tell me this gets easier!
Post # 235
Of course I want to be an equal to my husband. Who want to be considered less by their partner? It’s a marriage union, not a relationship in which one should inherently be inferior. I wouldn’t marry anyone who would consider me a lesser partner and thankfully my husband wouldn’t want to marry a woman who he didn’t see as his equal.
Being an equal does not equate to losing femininity either. I wear skirts, cute dresses, take care of myself and guess what…I am educated, have a great career, make good money and I am in a leadership position that is on the same level as other men at my organization. I actually make more money than my husband (oh the horror!!). And we are perfectly content with our setup.
In acutality, he is considering becoming a stay at home dad in the future. Why? Because he is a loving, caring man who will be an amazing father. He would make that sacrifice to care for our future children and I would become the main provider. Does that make him any less masculine or less of a man? Does it make me less feminine? No, it most definitely does not. It’s different, but not wrong. Welcome to progress and the 21st century.
It’s great you appear to have found your niche and purpose in life. But making broad statements about the decay of society because women have demanded equality, choice and opportunities is simply ludicrous.
Post # 236
Question–so do women who work not have “real homes?” Because I keep seeing bees say that by staying home, they make their house a real home. Um…last time I checked, a home is a place that you inhabit. You create memories there, you take care of it (clean, maintain, etc) and you create a family in it (kids or no kids).
I am 100% certain this happens whether or not someone is specifically staying home to manage it all. Yes, I am sure some stay at home wives have a routinely cleaner house than we do…but I don’t see how that makes our place any less of a home. Heck, even if I did stay home, it probably wouldn’t be any cleaner. I work at a school and have 11-12 weeks off a year, and our home still looks the same after 2 weeks off as it did during a normal work week.
Post # 237
Watching this debate is fascinating.
Taking care of a home is most certainly an ECONOMIC contribution.
That said, I proudly, proudly say that I am a working woman who DOESN’T keep house (I cook, but because it’s a hobby). I can’t remember the last time I cleaned a shower or swept a floor and I don’t even own an iron. I gleefully pay other people to do that stuff. I also happily pay other people to take care of my child when I’m away at work.
And I have never ONCE felt guilty about my role as a wife or a mother and I am confident that I am awesome in both roles.
This is because work keeps me grounded and hungry in ways that keeping house and full-time childcare do not. The fact that keeping house and childcare don’t fulfill me as much as work doesn’t make me selfish, less of a woman, and it doesn’t mean I love my child any less. It means I know myself and I’ve constructed a life–including who I married and what I choose to do with my time–that honors me.
It’s true that being able to choose one’s profession is premised on one’s economic status and I get that I am lucky in that respect. But I am also very, very grateful to feminism for making it possible for me to have such opportunities, as well as to have such self-determinism, and I think that it’s a great thing for others to honor who they are and have that same self-determinism, even if its in a very different package than my own.
Post # 238
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
No way could I pull this off! I really don’t like cooking or cleaning, and I have multiple degrees that I feel I should use. Plus I really LIKE my job and go a little crazy if dont have a job to go to.
Not gonna lie though, I would happily work 20 hours a week and be a housewife the rest of the time. It’s really hard to work full time or more, manage a house, and keep up with friends / hobbies / exercise / etc.
Post # 239
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
right, feminism has really ruined the lives of women *eyeroll* Give me a break! Last time I checked, having an advanced degree, a well-paying and rewarding job, and a husband who cooks and dotes on me and will be a loving, involved father – but still fixes everything and takes out the trash and scrapes my car windshield – is pretty awesome. And it is due 100% to the feminist revolution, aka gender equality.
preach it sister!
Post # 240
I worked for many years before being “forced” to be a Stay-At-Home Wife. We are overseas and jobs for spouses are HARD to come by. I have my MBA but it didn’t help in our area.
I started volunteering which turned into a PT job that consumes a majority of my time. I frequently work for FREE and my hours are almost considered FT. I don’t value myself any less b/c of this….meaning not getting paid to work my ass off.
I have to admit that earlier in our relationship, I had a lot of issues with staying home and feeling as though I wasn’t pulling my weight…financially speaking. Luckily for me, DH dated girls in the past that “mooched” off him. One quit her job after moving in with him and she was making 6 figures. So he pointed out (at least to him) it was HIS job to make the money.
The difference between me and them is that I COULD work if the circumstances were different. Although he says if we get our “miracle” baby, he wants me to stay home the first few years since I’ve waited a long time for that. I still think I’d have to do volunteer work or something though 😉
Post # 241
Another thing I learned this thread I hate the phrase “I cook from scatch”.. I just irks me.
Unless you are microwaving a fast food meal, or left overs don’t most people??
If you made scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and drink OJ for breakfast, I think that counts as cooking from scatch no?
Do you have to bake the bread, raise the chicken, slaughter the pig, squeeze the orange in order for it qualify as “scatch”… Just saying…