(Closed) Any Jewish brides frustrated with the "traditional American wedding"

posted 5 years ago in Jewish
Post # 3
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Not Jewish, so I can’t relate exactly, but I think all the things you named are totally compatible with a modern Amercian wedding! 

LOTS of people are walked down by both parents or some other combination. I’m being walked halfway by my step-dad, halfway by my dad. My FI is walking with his mom during the processional. 

First looks are common now. Different reasons, but still seeing each other before the aisle. All kinds of invitation wording is seen now.

None of the things you named seem that unusual even at Christian modern weddings, but even if they did, it’s okay! You have to do what is meaningful to you. Plus, I would imagine at least some of your guests will be Jewish? So they will get it, and you can do an awesome program that helps non-Jews understand.

We are non-religious, so I can relate to some of the challenges of people assuming things will be done following a Christian format, but my experience has been pretty positive once I just say, “Oh, we’re doing it this other way.”

Be true to yourselves! Confidence seems to ward off a lot of comments.

Post # 4
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m Catholic and felt some of this frustration!  The Catechism actually prefers that the couple walk down the aisle together, which we did for a number of reasons.  But yeah, definitely made some heads turn.  Oh, well.  Do what’s important to you!

Post # 5
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Embrace the customs and use it as an opportunity to teach your guests about our culture! We had explanations about components of the Jewish wedding in our programs. The only ‘Christian’ wedding aspects that really bugged me were all of the ‘vow’ stuff and ‘I do’ accessories….

But c’mon….how awesome is the Hora?!?!?

Post # 6
Member
11239 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

The “traditional American wedding” is really changing lately, from what I’ve seen. We aren’t religious at all (for some reason people take this to mean that we are Christian but don’t attend church–no, it literally means that we are not religious–our beliefs are more Agnostic), so a lot of the traditional wedding stuff is just not what we want.

Post # 7
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m excited that our traditional Jewish wedding is going to be different from what most people are used to. FH’s family is Catholic/non-religious; hopefully, they will see it as a unique, personalized ceremony, instead of thinking it’s “weird.”

Post # 8
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I have been to a lot of Jewish weddings and I think they fit with the American traditions.  My wedding is going to be very traditional Jewish, and very traditional American.

Post # 9
Member
890 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Hello me fellow jew!! 😀 YAY!  I can relate with the frustration but my wedding is actually only some what of Jewish traditional.  Both my parents are walking me down the aisle.  We are doing the stomp the glass.  And having a few other little traditions but we aren’t doing a full on jewish ceremony because My fi isn’t jewish :D.    I can see why it would be frustrating trust me! lol  But any advice or question i am always open to chat with you 😀

 

hang in there!!  

Post # 10
Member
9145 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I’ve been to a Jewish wedding and I thought the traditions were refreshing since I had only attended Christian ceremonies prior to that.  I am pretty sure it’s the only wedding ceremony I ever cried at because I felt the love of all of the families and friends through the traditions they shared with their guests.  I’m sorry people are making you feel like it’s weird.

Post # 11
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I live in a very large city and my social circle includes many types of people with different religious and ethnic backgrounds so I’ve been to a lot of different weddings.  Each have some overlapping traditions but many have unique traditions as well.  I think because of this I never think of any particular type of wedding as standard American.  I’ve really seen it all as well as a mix of many religions and cultures together.  And I think around here people for the most part are on the same page as me.

I’m Russian Jewish and my DH is Italian Catholic.  As you can imagine our wedding was a melding of the two cultures and religions and I never once had anyoen question anything.  

I think with inter religious and inter cultural couples on the rise, the “traditional” American wedding is slowly becoming obsolete.  

Post # 12
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

 I was initially sad about seeing my huisband before the ceremony. I was disgruntled that his parents walked the aisle too. But  I think the hardest part of not having a traditional wedding for me was not being able to say “I do”! So under the chuppah when we kissed after stomping the glass, we each whispered “I do”. It made everything perfect 🙂

Post # 13
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Bunnygirl:  you didn’t say I do?  Our Rabbi asked us if we wanted to say I do, and if so he would incorporate it into the ceremony.  We are going to do it!

Post # 14
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@amandasf:  He didn’t ask if we wanted to, because what would we be saying “I do” to? There was no “Do you promise to..sickness and health…etc” so we wouldn’t be saying I do. It was important to us though, for some reason, so we said it!

Post # 15
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Bunnygirl:  that’s so sad.  Our Rabbi actually mentioned that instead of writting our own vows we should do “words of love” instead so that we could still say the traditional vows and get to say “I do”

Post # 16
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Meowkers:  We said some “personal words” when we signed the ketubah. My husband asked that we avoid using the word “vows” in front of the Rabbi, for some reason!

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