Post # 1
I’m 30 and haven’t had a serious boyfriend in 2 years.
My love life has been pretty rocky. My college love/soulmate unexpectedly passed away when I was 23 after 4 years together. A few months after he died, I fell in love again. What started out as a fairy tale turned into a 5 year long roller coaster of physical and emotional abuse that finally ended in July 2017 after we moved in and got engaged. I started another relationship with a very decent man in late 2017 that ended very amicably this past fall.
I am mostly just concentrating on living my best life and having fun. I’ve started dating again and am getting discouraged that I’m 30 and haven’t yet found the right guy. I recognize I have time and don’t need a man to be happy but I would eventually like to find someone. Plenty of my friends are still single but it is hard watching so many people around me be in happy, healthy relationships. I am overall pretty relaxed about my single-ness but I’d like it to happen soon than later.
Anyone been in a similar boat? How did it work out for you?
Post # 2
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way! Have you tried online dating? I am 30 and my partner is 36, we met this year. Before meeting him, I had been single for 4 years after ending a 4 year relationship. I took a year to heal and started dating again, I dated plenty of nice men and some not so nice men in the last 3 years. I went on and off of match because I was getting frustrated that I wasn’t finding anyone.
My current partner is literally everything that I prayed for. He came into my life when my mom was dying and he was so supportive and understanding when I was too busy taking care of my mom to talk or go on dates. He has made some of my worst days tolerable. He was worth the long wait and he came into my life when I needed him the most. I said that to say, I know how you’re feeling and it sucks, but somehow things come together exactly when they need to. Best of luck and please give online dating a try.
Post # 3
I was 28 when I met my now-husband. It was after I had pulled the plug on a 3-year relationship with a really great guy who just didnt quite fit. It was a very difficult decision to end that relationship that I stressed about for almost a year. I was really worried about my clock ticking and never finding anyone better. My husband is not only the nicest most genuine person I know, but we have amazing chemistry and make each other so happy. You’ll meet the right person for you, it just takes time and it’s a process that’s hard to force (IMO).
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2020 - Austin, TX
I married my highschool sweetheart & had two children with him. I realised in my mid twenties that we were moving in two totally differernt directions in life and divorced. I met my Fiance at 27 and will be 33 when we get married. He is everything a partner should be in life and an absolutly amazing step dad. Love is out there and I think it comes when you dont even know youre looking for it.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
I met my fiance when I was 32 and we’re getting married at 35 (wedding is in two weeks!!).
I’d had a handful of relationships and ended the last one when I was 27, and then started my Ph.D. Tried online dating on/off from 27-32 – met some cool guys (and some not-so), but didn’t feel good chemistry with most. During those 5 years, nearly all my friends got married, so I hear how easy it is to compare!
When I was lamenting to a coworker during happy hour, about one year before meeting my fiance, she gave me this advice: online dating is a numbers game. It can feel like a slog, but it’s likely you will eventually meet someone. I kept this in mind and continued cycling in and out of online dating. It was true for her, and was eventually true for me, too – so I’d say keep trying!
Post # 6
Thank you! I am looking to get back into dating again and will definitely give it another go. I have done it here and there in the past and met quite a few nice guys – not exactly what I was looking for but definitely good catches 🙂 So glad you found your happiness!
Post # 7
So funny! Nearly every person in this thread met their significant other through online dating. So glad to hear it worked for you – gives me a lot of hope. Congrats on your upcoming wedding!
Post # 8
I met my DH (yep, you guessed it) online. Like PPs have said I had cycles of dating and taking breaks. Before I met him I had a broken engagement at 27 (my then Fiance had undiagnosed bipolar disorder and broke off our engagement while in the worst of it). He and I ended up getting back together a year later, and then staying together for a year before I realized that I was no longer in love with him. It took me a long time to get over that relationship but after enough bad dates I began to focus on what made me happy and what type of man I really wanted. I knew on our first date that DH was going to be a special one and here we are five years later. It’s hard, but I found that spending my time doing things I loved (and not choosing my activities around meeting guys) made all the difference. As a bonus I picked up some new hobbies! Hang in there, bee. He’s out there and he’s getting to you as fast as he can.
Post # 9
I was with the same person and married all together over 10 years. I divorced at I think 27. I lived alone for 3 years. I had actually sworn off relationships and didn’t want to get involved with anyone. I saw from a mile away what wouldn’t work out with whoever approached me wanting to get to know me. People thought I was wrong for not at least talking to people. I don’t see what was wrong with seeing what wouldn’t be worth my time! For example, one of the guys who crossed my path was talking about wanting to move 1,000 miles away in the next few years. Why am I going to even talk with him in addition to the zero things we had in common? Just because he liked me and I was single? It’s not like I didn’t enjoy any attention or potential effection or “what could be” but by not being so hungry for a relationship I am sure I dodged bullets. Because I would have given anyone my time if I liked them enough without considering other things. When I met my husband I still wasn’t looking for a relationship. But wow did we have a lot in common between our interests and values. If I had “just talked” to anyone who wanted to talk to me (and it was depressing living alone… it did get to me) I would have settled. 100% I would have, I just know. But because I didn’t give in I was available for the right person! I think you have to take this time to get to know yourself and not see another person as a way to complete you. That was my goal and I met it. I know I always know I will be fine because I have me, but at the same time can rely on my husband entirely without worry of him hurting me.
You won’t settle that way by knowing how to be ok to be alone. I just think it’s TOO EASY to settle… because I see it everywhere. I just felt no need to be with someone that wasn’t perfect for me. And if you are dying to be with someone you’re more likely to settle. So that is my advice and I hope it is helpful! Hang tight. Be happy to be so free right now. I was lonely living alone, humans are social creatures. But it was also wonderful to not be wasting time with the wrong person anymore. Overall it takes time to find the right person. If you haven’t found them you are likely happier alone! Think about it like that. Is a relationship so great if you’re not happy? So if you haven’t found the right person then be grateful you’re not wrapped up in a mess. Just keep living. I’d stay involved with stuff you’re interested in so you’d likely meet someone with similar interests. I think similar interests and values are extremely important.
Post # 10
I met my partner at 29. After multiple failed relationships (lived with 3 past boyfriends), I am so incredbily happy. I went on horrbile dates, was in an abusive relationship, got cheated on multiple times and I never thought i would get to where i am at today. Don’t give up and don’t settle. You person is out there and will find his way to you.
Met my guy online after i told myself i probably would never meet someone online. Boy was i wrong.
Post # 11
I was in a 4 year long emotionally abusive relationship that I was finally able to leave after a year of counseling. Exactly one month later, two weeks before my 31st birthday, I met the man I’m going to marry next spring. I was extrememly lucky, but I honestly think that if I would have met him when I was younger, I wouldn’t have been ready.
Post # 13
I met my fiance at 31 in a bar while on vacation. I had spent much of my twenties dating guys that just weren’t right for me but from the moment I met my fiance, there was just something there. 6 months later I moved countries to be with him and 2 years later we were engaged. I’ll be 35 by the time we get married (next year) but I would not have asked it any other way.
Post # 13
I met my fiance yeeeaarrss ago and while he fell for me pretty fast, I wasn’t really interested (and was usually dating someone else). We became really good friends, and even though we lived on opposite sides of the country we talked a lot and traveled together. Many times he expressed his feelings for me and I rejected him (kindly!) and so he took a break from our friendship. I tried to date him once but decided it wasn’t for me and broke up with him, and after that I let the friendship go a bit so he could move on. 6 years later we rekindled our friendship, met up, and I completely fell for him and asked HIM if he was willing to date. Soon after, I moved cross country to be with him and we are getting married in exactly 1 week!
Post # 14
beeyourself17 : Solid advice. I met my 1st love and felt as though I found the one. He ended treating me poorly and I had to break up w/him. This shattered my heart, but I knew in the long run, I would be miserable w/him. I did do online dating and that also took a toll on me. Guys played w/my heart, but that can happen offline as well. I did meet my FH online 2 years ago and that has been magical. The road to that was hard and painful, I learned a lot though. Try online dating, its not as scary as people make it out to be, as long as you stay safe and make smart decisions.
Post # 15
I don’t have personal experience but I have plenty of family members and close friends who didn’t meet their now husbands until late 20s or early 30s.
My grandma actually met my grandpa in the 1950s when she was 35 or so and single. So as a woman in the 50s she had her own career, car and house! She met my grandpa who was a widower with 2 young children. They got married fairly soon after they met and had a daughter at 37 and my mom at 39. My grandma used to tell me all the time she thought she’d die and old maid but she was so glad she met my grandpa 🙂