- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I guess I’m really just griping here and wanted to tell someone what is going on.
I’ve been having a rough spell with my SO lately. I guess both of us are getting frustrated with this LDR thing. We’re in a Mexican stand-off over getting engaged and more than once I’ve thought, “I don’t deserve the way he’s treating me.” He’s not a bad guy, but he can be neglectful sometimes (super late or forgets about our video chats). When I point out his neglect it just starts an argument. I don’t even know if I’d say yes if he asked me at this point, which I think is a pretty sorry state to be in. We have such a great time together and work so well when we’re physically together that it’s sad to watch our relationship slowly unravel.
Anyway, I’m in this tango class. It’s really the only thing I have to socialize outside of work and make new friends. A couple months ago a new face shows up, a fellow who is a few years younger than me. I’m not interested in him in “that way” even though he’s cute (there are all sorts of things I can see would not work out between us), but he’s a good lead and I enjoy dancing with him.
I started noticing that he would position himself in a way that he would be my first partner for the evening or one of the first, or would stand behind me during the class warm up. At first I thought it was just a coincidence, but the past couple weeks I’ve been changing things up and standing in different places and it seems like he follows me around. Last week another partner grabbed me as I saw him walking towards me at the beginning of class, so he picked someone else and positioned himself next to me and my partner in order for him to get the 2nd dance. Luckily my instructors made the ladies rotate that evening so his plot was foiled!
All of that is pretty innocuous on its own, but he’s started making silly comments, like one time he ‘jinxed’ me when it was our turn to dance together again (we both said “hello again” at the same time) and when one of us made a mistake I apologized and he said, “I haven’t unjinxed you yet!”. At a dance event last week he made a comment about the top I was wearing (“Do those zippers on your shoulders unzip all the way?” Who asks stuff like that?) and asked me to dance more often than any other fellow that evening – specifically reserving a tanda with me, as opposed to just walking up to me at the start of one. At a different dance event when I was dancing with someone else and he was just sitting and watching I saw him check me out in the mirror (it’s one thing to watch the dancers, but to start at butt level and then look up and down seems fishy!).
When I brought up to my SO that some people from tango were flirting with me, he brushed it off and said, “Of course they are; you’re the sexy one.”
I already feel pretty isolated out here, but between my SO’s behavior lately and how people here have been treating me, I feel like I deserve better than what I’m getting. Or at least it would be nice if my SO actually flirted with me more, or actually showed up online for a video chat when he said he would. Any time I try to ask for more of anything my SO says I’m pressuring him or asking for too much.
It’s getting frustrating and such a huge strain. My bf wants me to come out for my birthday next month and host a big party with our friends. I’d like to do that but at the same time it might be nice to just stay here and have a spa and dancing weekend (there are two tango events that weekend that I usually go to, and if this other fellow shows up there are usually plenty of partners that I could navigate some way to not be available for him to dance with). I really think no matter what I do I’m going to wish I did the other thing. Kind of sucky for a birthday.