(Closed) Any Liberal Feminist Brides Out There?

posted 9 years ago in Secular
Post # 3
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t have any pet peeves, but I totally understand  your point…we are really focusing on making this day about “us.”  Whenever I say “my” wedding I feel bad because if he doesn’t feel like it’s “his” too, then we’re starting out on the wrong foot.  But I’m sure the princesses of the world also hope for their husband to be happy too, they just may hope with a tiara on their head : ).

 

 

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i dont like lables… where i dont get the asking permission or daddy giving me away stuff i go totally gah gahhh over shoes and pretty sparkly things so everyones different

 

Post # 6
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I was pretty stunned, when I got into the wedding world, to discover that prevailing opinion is still in favor of having a bride’s face covered with a veil, having a bride’s father give her away to the groom, and even having the groom ask the bride’s parents’ permission before proposing. I suppose I figured there were a few people who would still be into these practices, but it hadn’t occurred to me that most people wouldn’t find them appalling. I mean, these aren’t obscure traditions with little modern relation to their original, paternalistic intentions; they are pretty straight-forward acts of labeling a woman as property. After much stress and arguing with my mother, I’ve given in on having my dad walk me down the aisle, though I am insisting that both my parents give me away and that both of FI’s parents give him away as well. I’m wearing a veil, but only down my back, not over my face for my father to “reveal” me to my husband.

I won on the asking my parents’ permission issue, though. If Fiance had done that, I would have been livid and crushed, and I let him know that in no uncertain terms. He was nervous about it until the moment we told them, thinking they’d be offended that he hadn’t asked. (They weren’t. They were too busy being thrilled to even think of it.)

PS I am taking FI’s last name, in the interest of family unity, but he’s taking my last name as his middle name. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My Fiance and I are rejiggering bits and pieces of our otherwise traditional wedding ceremony to make it seem a bit less… chattle-y.

Post # 8
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@LittlestBirds – We’re doing that, too!

Post # 10
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would definitely be on the side of liberal feminist–fortunately, so is my fiance!

I do enjoy “doing gender” on occasion (especially if it relates to shoes!!) so there are a decent number of things that I enjoy about the wedding planning process.  However, when I went into it, I was really going at it in terms of what I/we like and what would be important for us–rather than filling in the blanks of the traditional wedding ceremony–so I think that has made things much easier than it would have been if I had gone into things feeling as though I HAD to do things a certain way. (Easier for ME at least–for my mother…..not so much!)  

I will also say that the community on WB is also much MUCH friendlier than the folks over at theknot and much more open to doing things differently, so I feel much less out of place here than I did over there with people always posting about how you just CAN’T do this, and SHAN’T do that and how everything that was a little bit out of the norm was “tacky” for some totally arbitrary or unarticulated reason.

@LittlestBirds–I am doing the absolute same w/ my Fiance taking my name as his middle and me taking his so that we will all have the same “family name” without the (future) kids having to go through the whole hyphenation thing.

Post # 11
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think in a lot of cases “asking permission” has turned into “letting the family know that he was going to propose and getting their blessing”.

I have lived with my Fiance for 4 years and dated him for 6 OBVIOUSLY he didn’t need my dad’s PERMISSION to be with me but I still thought it was super sweet that my Fiance took my parents out to lunch and let them know he was proposing.

The one thing that bothers me is that traditionally the bride and groom get introduced as the Mr. and Mrs. His First Name His Last Name. Like I am his property or something!

Post # 13
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

These are all the reasons why I’m eloping! Nobody will be there to give me away, I’m wearing whatever I want to, and the only person I’ll have to be worried about on our wedding day will be my fiance. I, too, feel weird talking about “my” wedding. I’ve just started saying “when we get married…” so I don’t feel like I’m shutting my fiance out. Instead of my fiance asking my dad for permission to marry me, we both sat down with my parents and talked about our intention of getting engaged. It didn’t feel as possessive to me, but I felt like I still got to be respectful of my parents’ feelings about a life-changing decision and potentially address any concerns they might have had. 

Post # 14
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i never ever get the asking for permission bit – i always wonder if the then boyfriend asked daddy for his blessing to have sex with his daughter before they did the deed and if no, then asking permission to ask her to marry him just seems moot to me

 

Post # 15
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Yeah, I hear you.
Fiance and I don’t really think about gender roles really, which totally works for us since neither of us were raised to believe something is a man’s or woman’s task. My entire life I’ve felt like I’ll take what I want from the “traditional” gender roles, and leave the rest where it is. I think of myself as (dare I say it?) a person, a human being, and a woman, and woe be to the person/entity who tells me I have to do something or must not to something for any reason, including my gender.
Anyhoo, Fiance is taking my last name as his, and my Dad will be escorting me down the aisle. When the officiant asks “who gives this woman to this man?” my Dad’s line will be “With our blessing, she gives herself” or something to that effect. I will be wearing a birdcage veil though, because I think they’re just the coolest things EVER.

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