(Closed) Any Long Distance Brides Moving After Marriage?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i totally know how you feel! my fiance and i are from the same hometown (which is where i still live and where we’re getting married), but he’s in the military and lives about 5 hours away from me.

after our wedding in a couple of months, i’ll be moving to where he’s stationed. i’m the biggest mama’s girl in the world, so it’s going to be really hard for me to be away from my mom. my move isn’t as extreme as yours (yet) because we’ll still be close enough that we can go home for a weekend visit if we want to, but it’s still going to be a big adjustment. i’m going to go from living at home with my parents to being on my own with my husband(!), in a new city, far from family (actually, i do have family in the vicinity, but it’s not the same as having mom nearby, you know?). i’ve been to visit him and i really like the area, so even tho i’m really nervous, i’m also really excited to actually be able to physically WITH him all the time because we haven’t had that.

right after the new year, he’s going to start a different job (still with the military), so they’ll be sending us somewhere else. i’m afraid we’re going to end up in a location completely new to both of us where we have no friends or family or at all. he can request where he’d like to be stationed, but that doesn’t mean they will grant it, they might decide to move him to the other side of the country. we’re hoping that we’ll at least stay in the same state.

the good thing about my situation, is that it has an “expiration date.” my fiance will be done with the military in 2014 and once he’s out we can go wherever we want. if we want to go back home we have that option or we can try somewhere else. is this going to be a permanent move for you or does he have some flexibility as far as his job goes?

i don’t think it’s childish of you to be nervous. it can be a lot to take on all at once and you’ll definitely get homesick and want to pack your bags and move back and i think that’s normal. just give yourself time to get used to all the changes and don’t get mad at yourself if it doesn’t happen overnight. hopefully, i’ll be able to follow my own advice in a few months, lol. and if you haven’t tried skype yet, i highly recommend it. it’s an awesome way to keep in touch with family.

Post # 4
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m moving continents.

I’m from New Zealand, but live in Japan. Mr. Farawayviolet-to-be is about to move from Japan to the US (his home country), where I will join him to marry (in a year, visa dependent).

I am also terrified. I am excited about the cheap cost of living (outside of NYC/La/Seattle etc) with regard to gas, accomodation, consumer goods and food, some unique and beautiful landscapes, interesting history, and a wonderful range of cultures, but am also nervous about healthcare (have always lived in and loved universal systems), and lack of paid vacation and maternity leave. Plus I will likely have to do some extra training in my field. Even though I’ve been living in a different country than my family for two years now, there is something scary about making it more permanent, especially as intercontinental travel is so expensive. We do intend on living in NZ at some point as well though, and intend to be deliberately bicultural in how we live and how we raise our children, but it’s still scary. The other thing is, he is a scientist and has decided to do grad school in a more specific field, so we don’t know where in the country we will be living, which makes it scarier for me.

Another thing I am going to find REALLY hard is the fact that my visa stipulations (K1) mean it will take a few months for me to get my work permit, meaning I will be totally dependent on him. I’ve been supporting myself since I was 18 (I’m 26) and feel SO guilty about the fact that he’s likely to be having to take a seond job on top of his grad school stipend so I can play house all day (I will do some grad study from home at the time, but I still feel bad).

I guess I’m just saying that big moves ARE scary. It is normal and healthy to worry about leaving family. Marriage is a huge change, and coupled with a significant move is very stressful for anybody. Be gentle with yourself, you’re not being childish or silly, you’re simply experiencing something significant, and with that comes stress.

Post # 5
Member
934 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m moving from my city to his next May, after we are married. Leaving my job and everything. The whole deal. It is terrifying sometimes, but ultimately it is for the best. I worry about being dependent on him, and not being able to find another job like the one I am doing now.

We talked for years about who would move where. We finally decided that because I have no friends here in this city (my family lives elsewhere) and because I’m on a two-year contract, that moving to his city was the best for us. I’m pretty lonely here, and I miss him and my family so much. I will love being closer to them, and being with him every day will be wonderful. My Mom told me that in 5 years we will be wondering why we didn’t do this earlier, so that made me feel better!

Post # 6
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yes, I plan to join my Fiance in NZ just three days after the wedding. I’ve always been the adventurous type and even when I just moved out of my home city to study at uni, I did get homesick. But instead of wishing I was home/around familiar surroundings, I took that opportunity to immerse myself into the city’s culture and be more open minded.

I think I really had my eyes opened when I visited my mom’s family for the first time in the Philippines. Although it’s a developing country, I felt sooooo at home. I loved it so much and didn’t want to go back to Georgia, haha.

I think the key is to be open minded and look at the opportunity as a positive one. I’m definitely sad about leaving my friends, but I have made new ones (through my FI) and even ones I haven’t met yet. The scariest part to me is that I will be FULLY dependant on my husband. We haven’t lived together for a year (only the times we get to see each other, which in total has added up to about 5-6 months). So I cannot apply for the visa for partnership and must apply for just the visitors visa. It kills me to not be able to work and help financially, especially since things are stupid expensive there.

The reason I am moving there instead of him here, is because he has a good job and needs to build up his work experience for his field. I just graduated and to me it’s less stress if one of us is looking for a job, instead of both of us. He could come here, but since he doesn’t have a “bachelors” degree AND not 4-5 years + of work in the same company, it makes it a little bit more tricky.

 

I’ll say this. You are starting your new lives TOGETHER. Someone may have to give up all they have known to be with their husband. As long as you think it is worth it, do it 🙂 I don’t mind giving up seeing my friends, family(my mom is like my best friend), knowing where I’m going (or knowing how to drive on the right side of the road, lol) because he’s the man I’ve been waiting for. My mom gave up everything as well to move to the states to be with my dad, and I know it was hard for her but she wouldn’t trade it for the world (except, my parents are going to retire in the Philippines, so I guess she does miss it, hehe). Plus I LOVE going on adventures and what better person to share the crazy adventure with?

Stay strong!  

Post # 7
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I did.  I met my Darling Husband online, and, because he has children, I needed to relocate to be with him.  Our entire relationship was long distance, and we even had a long-distance “commuter” marriage for almost the entire first year, until I could sell my house in my state, wrap-up my job, and relocate full time.  During those ten months of transition, I had to split my week, living and working in both states, spending four days a week with Darling Husband and the kids (teleworking from DH’s house two days a week), and spending the middle of the work week in my former city.

As difficult and exhausting as it was to get through all of that transition (commuting six hours round trip once each week, keeping my house looking perfect all of the time while it was on the market, essentially living out of suitcases while at DH’s house, constantly packing and unpacking, etc., etc., etc.), the REAL challenge arrived when I was finally here full time. I went from being a never-married career woman, living near a major city, to being a pastor’s wife, stepmother of multiple kids, a dog owner, etc., living in a small town in a very rural area.  I had to relinquish my high paying, very rewarding career in a market where I was fairly well known in my field, and I haven’t yet found a job in my field in my new area. My closest friends all live hours away, and I had to leave behind an amazing church family that I loved dearly.

I’ll be honest. The amount of change required of me was overwhelming at times, and there were many, many times that I struggled with pain and grief for the life I left behind. I’ll never forget the time I was visiting and having dinner with some friends from my former city, and I was trying to describle how I had been feeling about all that I had experienced as a result of the changes. My friend’s husband looked at me very matter-of-factly and said, “Well, you died.” I just stared at him, shocked not only at the stunning truth of his words but also that someone had so adeptly been able to put words to what I had long been feeling. He was right. A great deal of the person I had been for so long really did have to “die”  during all of that transition. However, a new person was and still is emerging. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Yep, right here. While we are not engaged yet, we’ve gone ring shopping, discussed where we’d want to get married, and know we want next year in the fall. I know a proposal is coming sometime in the next few months, just have no idea when exactly. He’s in Boston and I’m in Chicago. We’ve been long distance since the beginning of our year and a half relationship. Honestly, I never in my life, EVER, thought I would ever leave Chicago. It’s been my home for my entire 28 years of existence. But when I met my boyfriend, it’s weird, all that went out the window. I honestly can’t live without him and will be moving to either Boston or whatever city he gets a job in after he finishes his residency next summer. I’m much more flexible to live wherever with my job than he is. 

I sometimes think about the future in that sense. Having to leave Chicago, my family, friends, my city, favorite hangouts, etc. It won’t be easy. It’s going to be especially hard leaving my mom. She is truly my best friend who I love hanging out with and tell everything to. Saying bye to my brother will also be difficult since it’s just him and I. No other siblings so we’re close to one another. I am going to be balling my eyes out at the end of my wedding and when we have to say goodbye to everyone before leaving for our honeymoon. I know I am going to either be visiting Chicago every 1-2 months or having my mom come visit us. My boyfriend is well aware of this and is on board, lol. He knows how close we are and is very sweet because he knows I am leaving behind everything I know, love, and are familiar with for him -and he truly appreciates it. But honestly, I know I’ll be okay. Knowing that I’ll be with him makes me smile at my unknown future because no matter what, he’s by my side and I know I’ll be fine. I’m very social so I’m hoping I’ll be able to make friends easily. And I’m sure some of his work friends/colleagues will become friends of mine, as well as their gf’s/wives, I hope!

In the end, this is life. Sure we’d love to stay in our city, with our best friends and family, but in the end, I’d rather be with my FH, start a life and a family together than stay in Chicago and be with any other guy. And thanks to today’s technology like Skype and FaceTime, it’s so much easier being away from people you love. And thanks GOD for airplanes!! Wink

 

 

Post # 9
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I moved in with my husband right after our honeymoon.  He only lived 300 miles away, but it was terrifying.  I loved my city and friends and house, but him being miltiary, our only option was for me to move.  I was thrust into a culture I didn’t understand and didn’t particularly care for.

It’s definitely not childish to be worried.  I went to college far from home and had lived away form my parents since I left for school, and it still scared me.  It’s totally ok to be nervous about it, it’s a huge life change!

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