(Closed) Any married bees that DON'T share money?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee

Not married yet, but we have been together for almost 10 years and have lived together for 5 years. We currently keep our money separate and we have a 60/40 split on bills (I pay 60% because I make quite a bit more than he does). 

When we get married, we will not fully merge our accounts. We will be doing the following:

  • Joint bills account (each of us will directly deposit a set amount to this account and all bills will be paid with it)
  • Joint savings account (each us will directly deposit a set amount towards general savings goals–emergency acct, house downpayment, etc)
  • Retirement accts–will be separate, but we will each have one
  • Spending accounts/remaining funds–separate, we will manage the remainder of our money/spending on our own

We feel this will work best for us so we don’t have to worry about constantly managing a joint account. Our spending habits vary and we are individually responsible, but we don’t like the idea of potentially overdrafting or having to leaving a large amount in the account to avoid it.

Therefore, we have decided that having mutual savings goals is what really matters and that we are each contributing to it. Will our contributions be equal? No, because we make different amounts of money, however, it will be fair.

Post # 18
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

DH and i have nice, big histories at our respective banks. So neither of us wanted to switch. We insteac created a joint acct at his bank. We both deposit money in that acct every paycheque to cover shared expenses (i.e.: mortgage, bills, etc) sans grocery because that fluctuates a lot for us. Aside from that we keep our monies separate. 

We have been married nearly 2 yrs and we only just started doing this. Before this we were living strictly off of DH’s pay. And 70% of my pay was going to savings. The rest 30% of it was paying for grocery and my personal expenses. 

We both have no qualms abt either way. Though starting this mth i had to take up another job as my contract expired and the new job pays me $10,000 less. 🙁 

Post # 19
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We don’t share our money. We split all household related bills, and take turns in paying for groceries. Our vacations are usually split 50/50. DH earns more than I do, and he pays probably about 60% of our mutual expenses, we have acknowledged that and are happy with it. Now we live according to my budget, so he has managed to save some money, which will probably go towards a new car.

However, if we ever have a child, we will at least partially combine our funds. I think kids’ expenses shouldn’t be split 50/50, if one parent earns significantly more, since kids should benefit of the “richer” parent. Also, having a child is a mutual decision (whereas my current decision to study for my master’s degree and work only part time is my own decision), so it wouldn’t be fair if the one parent staying home with very little income would still have to pay 50% of everything.

Post # 20
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We have one joint account that we both try to contribute to when we can; it’s a savings account for big things like trips or major home repairs.

Other than that, we each have our own.  We’re each used to the way the money goes in and out of our respective accounts, we each had our own financial lives before we met, and we don’t want to fix what ain’t broke.  We split house bills about proportionate to our incomes, and we made some adjustments once we got married and combined things like health and car insurance (I pay our healthcare because mine is better and cheaper, he pays our car insurance through an account I have with a company through work, because my job gets me access to a really good state plan). 

If we ever ran into serious financial trouble, like a job loss, we’d have to reevaluate this situation. But for right now, we’re happy this way, and it would just be a headache neither of us needs to try to combine accounts.

Post # 21
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
@mrsm915:  We do this as well!

 

We have a joint checking and savings. We each contribute the same exact amount per month for our joint bills (rent, utilities, groceries and savings) then we each have our own separate checking and savings accounts. I try to save as much as I can so I usually transfer extra $ into my individual savings account when possible. He is somewhat of a spender and I’d just rather not have to babysit his purchses. As long as we’re saving and we are paying all of our bills, I’m happy. He spends but he ALWAYS pays his own bills on time so what he does with his extra $ (within appropriate boundaries) is none of my business and vice versa.

I come from a family where, besides my mom and dad, the women are attracted to VERY controlling and sometimes abusive men. Both my mother and father have ingrained in me that it is important for a woman to be able to support herself and know where her $ goes. I just happen to think this should not just be for women but both men and women. No one should be solely dependent on another person, IMO.

Post # 22
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We opened up a joint savings when we got married and we have a joint credit card but left everything else separate. We use different banks and have no reason to switch at the moment. its mostly a lazy thing. We don’t split everything g 50/50 anyways so having one account doesn’t really matter. We have similar financial goals and spending habits and consult each other on larger purchases regardless. Our accounts are linked to make easy transfers if need be. It works for us.

 

Post # 23
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’ve lived together for three years and I find not sharing money really effing annoying. Writing each other checks and whatnot is a pain in my ass–my bank just cut their hours back to while I’m at work and then a couple of hours on Saturdays (they used to be open until 7 Wednesday/Friday), which means that if I need to go, I have to get up early, get ready, and make a special trip. I don’t mind keeping our separate accounts (he’s at a bank with his mom and I’m at a local credit union), but we’ll have a joint account for household stuff after we’re married.

Post # 24
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We have our own accounts, but I think it works with the way we do things. I’m responsible for paying my car payment & phone bill, and DH takes care of pretty much everything else. However, we are wanting to save more money, and I think I will need to take charge of everything for that to happen. We have access to each others’ accounts, we just normally kinda do our own thing. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? 🙂

Post # 25
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We don’t technically share money, we each have our own accounts for splurging etc. however since my dh is military I have to have a poa over his accounts and since I’m home and better at managing money I pay all his bills from his accounts.

Post # 26
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

ALthough we are not ye married, we do plan on keeping our fiances separate for the most part. We have a joint savings account but separate checking accounts and we pay our own bills. Household bills are split between us – I pay the mortgage, food, internet and buy all houshold supplies (I also make more money than he does). He pays all the insurances, electric, our cell phones, satellite, and buys all his personal supplies – including his junk food, that I refuse to buy. He asked about us sharing finances, I said no and he is fine with it.

 

Post # 27
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We don’t share.  We have a joint account that each of us has money from every paycheque to pay mortgage, joint bills, groceries.  We figured out what we needed to put in per cheque, and it’s auto deposited.  The rest of our money is kept in our own accounts.  I spend what I want from what I have and he does the same.  

We have two cars so the we both have one under our own insurance and pay for one each.  We pay our own cell bills.  BAsically anything we ‘share’ is fromthe joint account.  Anything personal is from our own accounts.

Any other large purchases that we both agree on we split.  If one of us wants something the other doesn’t, we either don’t get it or we buy it from our own cash.  It works great for us, that way I don’t ever have to feel guilty that I’ve bought lunch at work 3 times this week or that I want to get a manicure.  I also always know what’s in my own account and I don’t have to check daily to see if there’s enough for something, because I don’tknow what he’s bought.

We don’t plan to change it, as we’ve never had an issue.  We usually take turns when buying dinner etc, or if one of us is short the other will pay.

Post # 28
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

The only real downside to not sharing when we didnt was if we were saving at different rates or one of u was not saving at all. 

So if you were good at saving and your extra money went into savings, and his went into a hobby, then that is where the problems would probably start. But as long as you are both in agreement with your future financial goals and are working towards  them in a way you are both comfortable with, how you manged household bills really isnt a problem.

Post # 29
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Not married yet. We have a joint savings right now. That’s it. It IS kind of annoying at the end of the month to have to say “okay I need $xx for our credit card bill” (which we share) but idk if we’ll ever change it. I’m sure once we get married we’ll have yours mine and ours. Everything in ours will be what we budget for and then anything extra can get transfered out into yours or mine. Idk lol

Post # 30
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We keep separate accounts and also have a joint account. He pays the household bills and I match what he spends in our joint account…we use that for dinner out, household repairs, items, vacation, etc. We buy our own groceries, clothes, toys, cars, etc. It works well for us.

Post # 31
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

After we get married next month, we’re planning to combine the majority of our finances (about 2/3) and then having separate “me” accounts to spend or save however we want on ourselves with the other 1/3. We’ll be paying all of our bills from the joint account.  

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