(Closed) Any married bees that DON'T share money?

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve seen this work for plenty of people but 2 things I would make sure you discuss is what happens if the other person is struggling financially, and also when you have kids. DH’s parents had seperate money and he still has a bitter taste about it. When it comes to all the extras you’ll have to decide whose paying for what and what to do when both of you don’t see eye to eye. 

Post # 33
Member
6117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Ninteenthchance:  I did not share money in my first marriage.  He was so bad with money, never saved, wracked up overdraft fees monthly – I just did not want him bringing me down.  I had excellent credit.  Anytime I rounded up $1000 of savings, he’d beg and pout until I’d let him go buy something new (like skis or a bike).  It was bad!  No common goals whatsoever.

 

Now I am married again and we have combined money (I even changed my last name – I did not the first time).  Sooo much different this time.  Better, as in 100000x better!  We have similar goals, we talk about money often, we are both savers. 

 

It justreally depends on the type of person you would be sharing your money with – not the simple share or not share.

Post # 34
Member
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We have shared savings account with our money that we are saving for our future house and whatnot. Only he really accesses it though. Otherwise, we have separate checking accounts that we had prior to marriage and it works out fine. He makes a lot more than I do and he takes care of most of the bills plus our rent. If needed, he gives me cash for certain payments that I’m making.

Post # 35
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@Ninteenthchance:  I have never done this before, but I think mostly because my ex husband and my ex that I lived with for 8 years were too irresponsible to be responsible for important things like bills. May be why those relationships ultimately didn’t work out… Anyway, my Mom got married a few years ago and they do not share money. I thought that was bizarre. And I said I would never do that. Ha. But now my Fiance and I live together and our money is still separate and always will be. However, we’re not separate to the point of splitting everything 50/50 and me having to borrow money from him if I run out (which is what my Mom ends up with). That I still can’t understand. Borrowing money from my own husband, no thanks. Our arrangement is that he pays all the rent and his own cell. I pay all the other bills and my and my son’s cell. I buy all almost all the groceries, but he chips in if he wants something special. If we go out for dinner he pays 98% of the time. I pay considerably less than he does overall because I make less money from my paycheck. I do get child support for my kids and I use that for groceries and to buy them clothes.

ETA: When I did share money I meant that the man gave me all his money and I paid all the bills. It never occurred to me to give the man my money. lol.

Post # 36
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We have seperate checking account, since we lived together before getting married we divided our bills and havent really felt the need to change, it works for us and we never fight about money. I am a little neurotic about reconciling my checkbook with my online banking and he doesnt at all, and it drives me nuts so we avoid that.  We do have joint saving account that we both contribute to but neither are allowed to touch without talking to the other.

Post # 37
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

He joined his account with me. I’ve never exactly been a high earner, so my account is separate…though really, my bank account is just a transient place. Money goes in, then automatically goes out to pay bills, buy groceries, etc. His account is for all the major bills – mine’s more superfluous spending. Bills I had before marriage, student loans, restaurants, grocery shopping, etc.

So, in a way, we’re ‘separate,’ though not really. I do like having my independence, though. Eventually, we’ll probably just have one account altogether.

Post # 38
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - W Hotel Silicon Valley

@Ninteenthchance:  We currenly don’t share money, we each have our own separate checking accounts and credit cards. We own a condo and he just writes me a check for half of the mortgage and all of our bills each month.  Once we sell the condo and buy a bigger house, we will probably arrange for part of his check to get direct deposited into a joint account and he can take out his spending money to put into his personal account. I think it’s less stress and we’re not scrutinizing each others’ purchases. Of course if one of us needs money for something, we will help each other out and we usually split or trade off times that we buy dinner or pay for whatever activities we have planned. It works for us.

Post # 39
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Ninteenthchance:  We kept our accounts separate but, we have one joint savings account for checks that are written in both names. It’s just easier to keep track of your own spending. My husband also works very hard for his money. I wouldn’t feel right if he had to consult with me before making a purchase. I really think it depends on the couple though.

Post # 40
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My husband and I have a joint account that we only use for bills. We contribute our portions to the rent, utilities, phone, etc., into that joint account.

Everything else we spend out of our own accounts.  We have agreed upon set amounts that we’ll each contribute towards the bills, and everything else is up to us to spend.  I consider the frivolous things my husband spends his money on to be his business, and mine to be mine.  But we’re both responsible with money and I don’t have any qualms about him running off to buy a Porsche he can’t afford.

Post # 41
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

We keep everything seperate.  I have some debt I am taking care of I brought into the marriage and I don’t want him responsible at all. He is still paying off his house that is not mine and i happily wrote that into the pre-nup.  I have an inheritance I want going to our baby and no chance of anyone in his family.  If he needs money he KNOWS I’d give it to him and vice versa.  We each have certain bills we take care of and pull from our own accounts.

 

If he wants to splurge on silly things I have absolutely no issue bcause I know it’s HIS hard earned money and vice versa. We still check with one another before large purchases.  Money is NEVER a cause for argument between us and I like that!

We do have one joint account that is money we got from our wedding.  We’ve put more in here and there. We use it for things we both want… ie we used a big chunk for carpeting and may use some for a front porch. Yes it’s his house but when we sell and get another he’d help with down payment etc.

Post # 42
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I am surprised by the amount of people who split things 50/50.  We’ve been together for 7 years and married for 4.  We share EVERYTHING.  Our paychecks go to the same account.  We both have access to the account and pay everything from there.  We transfer whatever is left at the end of the month to a savings account which is also joint.  It’s worked for us.  We have never argued about money. 

Post # 43
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

We don’t have joint accounts. We split the bills evenly and help each other out when needed. We do, however have a joint savings account.

Post # 44
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

We don’t NOT share money, but we still have everything separated.  We added each other as joint account holders to our separate checking accounts so that in the event of an emergency or something, we could still access all the money.  But his paycheck goes into his account.  Mine goes into mine.  We pay our own credit cards separately the same way we always did.  It works for now.  Maybe we’ll fully combine accounts in the future, I don’t know.

We discuss all major purchases with each other before buying anything though.  Little stuff like lunches or clothing, we don’t care about.  But anything big like furniture, vacations, etc we always discuss first.

Post # 45
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Ninteenthchance:  We don’t. Like you said, if it isn’t broken then don’t fix it. Divorce happens whether people expect it to or not. I maintained financial independence as a single woman and I still do as a married woman. Having said that, all of our money is “our” money. We “ours” regardless of who paid for it and we work together towards the same goals.

We still discuss purchases with each other and we share expenses and savings. Legally it is all the same anyway, but it will be a lot easier to battle out in court if you maintain separate equity. Obviously I’m not expecting that to happen but I’m also not naive enough to think that it never could.

Post # 46
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My parents have kept their finances seperate their whole life and they have one of the happiest marriages I know. They just each have seperate responsibilities (one for the power bill, one for the cable bill, that sort of thing) and then trade off doing things like paying for dinner, etc. It seems to work really well for them.

 

That being said, my fiance and I will be doing something sharing once we’re married, but not a complete meld. Our plan is to have a joint account where we each put a certain proportion of each of our pay cheques, which we’ll use for all communal expenses, and but still have our own accounts we can use for personal expenses like clothes etc. I’m pretty ready to be done with the awkward back and forth of who’s going to grab the cheque this time, but I like that we’ll still be independent when it comes to deciding how much we want to spend on shopping, going out with friends, etc.

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